On entering the room, she could only see darkness, no moving, no sign of life, nothing that would interfere with her task.
As she jerked her head in various directions, the room glowed with candlelight. The woman swept across the room, her scarlet velvet cloak rustling softly behind her.
In her hands she carried a box, the wood worn and old, but a feel of immense power surrounded it, and around her neck hung a golden key on a thin metal chain.
She strode over to a polished wooden table, and set the box down on its smooth, shiny surface. Then she paused, and surveyed the room.
It was clear. There was no-one there with her, but the palace itself was not empty, for noises erupted from the floor below, noises of joy, celebration and welcoming. This stranger knew the point of the celebration. It was the whole reason she was there.
She was convinced, and relieved that she was completely alone. Otherwise, she thought, I would have to use a Vanishal Charm.
Her face was a delicate oval shape, smooth and pure, but it also seemed thin, and her skin was white. A raven black waterfall of hair fell around her face, a startling contrast to her pale, ghost-like complexion, and her eyes, two great emeralds, shined brightly and calmly, framed by thick black lashes.
The lips were blood red, and had now curved into a wicked smile, as she slipped her hand inside the cloak, and produced a roll of parchment bound by a scarlet ribbon. Then, with her other hand, she removed the chain from
her neck, kneeled down and placed both the items beside the box. She continued to smile, with the knowledge that her plan was, hopefully, going to succeed.
Suddenly, a loud, cheery male voice echoed through the corridors outside the room. The woman leapt up, her face slightly startled, but she seemed relatively calm and composed at the same time, knowing she was still completely safe.
As the voice grew louder, and the footsteps nearer and nearer to the door, she pulled the hood over her head, and with a flick of her fingers, all the candles in the room were put out, all except the one that sat on the table alongside the box. Its light glowed in an eerie, peculiar fashion, and allowed one to see only what lay on the table.
Then, the footsteps abruptly stopped right outside the door.
A key was turning.
She moved backwards, into the darkness; there she stood, cloaked not only in the red velvet that concealed her identity, but with an aura of menace, and evil intent.
As the heavy wooden door started to creak open, her lips once again curved into their devilish smile, and her eyes glittered with evil, forming a sinister expression to take over her face.
Pressing a gem on her ring, she vanished.
***
Yay, I'm halfway through my prologue! 
This is my first piece of writing on here, so criticism is necessary. Well, in my opinion, of course. Every time I write a story I never feel like it's good enough. So yes, comments are much appreciated. And one more thing: Like most stories, everything will be explained in detail later on in the plot.
Please enjoy,
Teigan x
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
An improvement.
Should be: its
Yes, thanks for the suggestions, I will take those into account.
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Notice both paragraphs begin with ‘As’. Other note, a hooded figure can be anything so I’m not too sure you should have ‘mystery, grace, importance’, the person is cloaked, nothing else is given away—apart from the fact that this person is female.
You have two repetitions here. First ‘around’ could be ‘surrounded’. First ‘golden’ could be ‘shiny’. It is up to you which words you use, you don’t have to take my examples.
Green, emerald, same colour really. You could take one out.
Again, ‘sly’ and ‘wicked’ almost mean the same thing. Just go for one.
^^^ See quote
‘hearer’ = nearer
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Hello,
You’ve the descriptions right, but at times—especially towards the end—it was a little over done. All right, she’s evil and whatever, but no need to carry on.
Also the cloaked figure has been done so many times I was a little disappointed here. If no one was going to see her anyway, why bother? Just use an invisibility shield, etc.
One other thing, please remember to critique two pieces before posting your own work. Thank you!
-- Myth
Wow! Nice description!