Published August 14, 2009
AHHHH!!! Why wont't this delete?
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
I'll just lock it for you. In future, just let a mod know. As Emma said, it's unfair to delete a post after a review has been made.
-Blink
In answer to your question = it won't. Ever. If someone's already reviewed it's unfair to suddenly take it away from them. Though it sucks. I know.
~EmmaJane~
This is very short, so not much can be said. Before killing a character off, it's best to make the reader love or hate that character so that they'll care. Otherwise it's not really a person dying, it's just a bunch of words dying. The only remedy is to make it longer, so you have time to build a bond between the characters and the reader.
The knives strapped to her leg, you didn't mention were hidden. Did she have a skirt on to hide them, or were they inside her trousers? Details.
There isn't any description of the setting, or the characters. I don't know what time of day it is. The right sort of description would help set the atmosphere.
With her exit, you mentioned she left a trail of blood. This would be a dead giveaway of her identity when the police show up, and if you want to make her seem like a professional killer, she should be well aware of things like this. Her fingerprints would also be all over the boy, which would also mean the police could nail her instantly. A professional killer would take into account all of these details and devise a plan that leaves no evidence. At the moment she seems like she doesn't know anything about being an assasin.