Published August 11, 2011
It’s not fair that you told me all of these things and then ripped them from my fingertips like they meant nothing. You told me you loved me and I told you to only tell me that when you actually meant it. See, I was afraid that you didn’t mean it the way I wanted you to mean it. You said you did mean it that way but you confirmed my prediction that everything was bullshit. I am a stupid girl for putting my heart on the line once again only to feel the fingers tighten around my beating artery and rip it out of my chest. This is the worst pain I have felt from knowing what love could have been. Or was… was it love? Or was my imagination running freely through a meadow thinking I have conquered the impossible? Real Love. I felt like I was on top of the world because I met the one person who is just like me, who feels the pain I feel and knows something is wrong just by looking into my eyes. You were my best friend and you shit on me like the rest of them. You said we would meet in the future and be together. You even had the balls to tell me we would get married. The sad thing is I wanted to believe it all. And in the end I started too. I’m hurt, lost, lonely, confused and disappointed. You amplify those feelings by the millionth, because I can never stop thinking about you. Most of all I’m disappointed in myself for thinking we could actually be something. I am a little girl who will never learn from her mistakes. People say it’s better to have loved and lost, then to not love at all… well I rather not love at all then to feel the pain of loved and lost…
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Hi there!
I'll start off by saying I can tell you put a lot of emotion into this piece. You did a great job displaying the anger and you described it quite well. But now, take that anger and emotion and, and put it into more powerful words.
My corrections are in red:
If you go through this again and correct your grammer mistakes, it'll be a lot better. Also, you seemed to switch between present and past tense a lot. Choose one and stick with it. This piece has a lot of potential. If you got back through and edit it, it'll be great. PM me if you have any questions or want to clarify something. Keep writing!
I really like your writing in this piece. The different images that you use to describe what you felt really gives the reader a better idea of who you are. I especially liked when you talked about fingertips wrapping around your artery and ripping it out. It's kind-of gross, but you get the point across very well using those different descriptions. Overall, really good piece. Sad and haunting, but very good.
Keep up the amazing writing!