last night i walked outside
and the sky cried with me
i turned on the shower
as to not feel my tears
~
people handle me like glass
as if they are terrified to ask
"how are you doing"
it's all the same to me
~
i'm sorry, i say it again and again
then punish myself, it never ends
my pillow is the shoulder to cry on
my journal, the friend to rely on
~
i'm sorry. i'm sorry.
did i say that already?
i'm in the wrong, i always am
i know it now. you've yelled it at me
~
i'll be better. i'll be better
i promised you that.
but i didn't. i wasn't.
now you watch as i crack.
~
if a tear falls on my face
and no one sees it
did it really happen?
i make sure it doesn't.
~
but i cried in front of you last night
i cried, i'm so stupid, and you just stared back
i cried, why'd i do it? moments later i laughed.
like nothing happened, because nothing happened
~
i made sure of that.
~
i'm fine now, i promise
nothing happened anyway
it was but sobs in the night
never to see the light of day
~
it's fine, give me a night
and you'll never notice something went wrong
because no one can ever tell
when the tears on my face are gone
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Hia, I'm not good with poetry but I still wanted to look at the stuff you posted. I do notice ppl who write reviews so here I am~
I like the first stanza and how you use the water from different sources for different things, one a metaphor the other the physical way to hide the tears.
Hmm I wonder if the second stanza could also be interpreted as ppl not asking how you are doing bc they do not want to deal with the answer?
I learnt a while ago that saying sorry isn’t really for the people you’re apologizing too. It’s for yourself, for asking for forgiveness or something. It kinda shook me out of the habit. Because the other people around me really cannot do anything with me saying sorry over and over again. (I’m still struggling)
Oh I was warned by the summary but I still went ahead. Your poem makes me feel emotions so you’re doing everything right!
This entire stanza(the last line! Ahh but this too:
: ( Aww
Oh jee, it sounds like the lyrical narrator never really got any help, even when the signs are there. And that is sad ☹ Hope you’re doing alright.
oh my gosh, im glad you resonated with it <3 i hope youre alright too! thank you for the thoughtful review, wishing you the best
i like the way you write in a cohesive way that makes it seem just like one poem about one thing, but if you pick everything apart, there's a lot of things to relate to and think about! the way the narrator stays consistent with emotions but the story changes just slightly every stanza without the reader realizing it in the moment is great.
ah yes! thanks for the insight!
I love how it has such a deep, realistic, rich (as in like food rich) feeling and It describes me and many others including possibly you! I am the therapist friend and can;t seem to bring myself to let go and show others my real problems. It feels too loving when someone asks me how I am makes me tear up because I have never truly felt love. This poem makes me realize there are more people like me and we should all keep pushing!
Your poem will and is helping as well as possibly saving lives!
thank you so much!! i'm sorry to hear that <3 youre not alone at all