Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
i hope you know
i cried
before tears were 𝕒𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕔
i cried, e x c o r i a t i n g,
before ~ before ~ before
(nevermore, my dear,
nevermore)
i cried
(condescended-- condescending girl)
whilst yours, appraised
"it's so poetic to be sad"
i'm sorry my
tears are
macabre
you're so poetic to be sad
(i allege
everything
is poetic
when you have a face like that)
your tears
are rose petals
while mine
are cerise tinted
smears.
it's laughable
you're happy
are you happy
because your sad
is picturesque
maybe
one day
i could be
picture perfect
(when the sky
turns red)
maybe
one day
i could be
you.
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138,951 Literary Works • 672,345 Reviews
You referencing Edgar Allen Poe's 'The raven'? ('Nevermore') I love that poem!
Now onto the mini - review.
What I loved:
This. <blockquote>it's laughable
you're happy
are you happy
because your sad
is picturesque</blockquote>
Why I loved it: I think this is a key quote in your poem. It's about those people who are happy to be depressed. You know the type. Walk around getting lots of attention and comfort, whilst those people who really need the help are in the shadows, quiet, desperate for someone to reach out yet refusing any help.
What could be changed: Your poem could benefit from some structure. It's all one block when it could be in stanzas. I had some trouble getting the YWS system to process my new paragraphs. If you hit enter and then type a space, it wll keep the whitespace there. Hope that helps!
yes i am!! i love his poetry! ahhh fellow poe fan!
oh my gosh thank you so much i was struggling with the spacing!! thanks for the review!!
Wow I love it!
I will say I was a little confused reading my first time through (and possibly my second...) but I definitely did find some symbolism in these words that were beautifully poetic!
The use of saying "one day" to further strengthen this clear procrastination is very touching and shows that this person is a wisher rather than a doer. I like that because I relate to this whole-heartedly where I can be wishing for something to happen rather than just going out and getting that think done. The task may be impossible, (as this poem describes as, 'perfection') but always wishing can be a devastingly disappointing scenario and it is beautifully written in this poem.
Best regards!
-Jane Amelia
ah sorry for the confusion! ToT (i only realized the bewilderment i might cause after i published and reread) my apologies ;-;
thank you for your incredible insight and kind words!! i appreciate it.