Published December 28, 2010
Some tremble at my thought
the very suggestion makes them distraught
And desperately they pray
when I am on my way
The others say I am inevitable
and yet they too tremble
Seeking a moment's delay
for when I take them away
They sake their devotion
and ask for divine intervention
To put an obstacle in my path
in worry and despair for my wrath
Every time as the time comes
I hover around them in various forms
Not once is there not a twitch in my lips
as I amuse myself over their silly antics
After a point, it no doubt gets annoying
as I inflict on myself the damage from their wailing
It makes me glad I'm not alive
my dysfunctional senses having one positive side
I cannot for the life of me fathom
what is there for them to seek safe haven
For I visit every door and every heart
without fail! Isn't it an art?
I am not pain, I don't make them suffer
and yet they shy away in terror
Why? I want to ask them
but keep my silence, reminding myself it's golden
I am but a messenger, a simple means of transport
carrying the soul as my load
I drop it off at its pre-decided destination
Heaven or Hell, there are not many options
Yes, I put an end to life
but only when the time is right
I am nothing if not fair
I take decisions with great care
And yet they curse me
calling me the image of cruelty
For I come and snatch their last breath
Yes, I am Death
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138,849 Literary Works • 672,340 Reviews
Hello there and welcome to YWS!
I really loved the way you handled the personification of death; the way you gave death a voice. First of all it was very creative and second, it was very well written. You were able to keep a consistent flow and rhyme, even though at times the rhyme came across as forced, through out the whole poem as long as it was. I think the last stanza tops the whole lot of them as the best. Very bold and full of emotion. Good job.
Keep writing and good luck!
I love this. Seriously, I started reading and thought "This is awesome."
There was one thing especially that I noticed though: the rhythm. The beat of the poem (unless this was on purpose) lost on three parts (paragraphs 4,5, and 8 ). There were a few places in some others that seemed a little off, but mostly it was just those three.
The last eight lines though are brilliant. I really love those last few lines because they really grab at my attention.
Nice job!!
-K7
Cool poem, dude. I really like things written as if Death's talking. It's something that has been written about a lot, sure, but it still has that sort of mystery about it.
I kind of like this as an opener. It gives and idea what the poem is about without giving too much away, holding onto that air of mystery.Honestly, I really don't like these lines. They don't really seem to flow to me. Also, using "devotion" and "intervention" for the rhyme scheme may not be such a good idea. But it's just a thought.
Okay, before you hit here, you've got a nice little rhyme scheme going with few snags, then you bring this up. I'm sorry, but those words just don't really seem to fit together there.
Here's another few lines that seemed to just mess up the rhyme. Those two words just don't seem to go together to me.
Nice ending. It made me think as if Death was talking to someone that had just asked if he was death or something. It gives me the impression of comedy for the ending. One thing, though, maybe change the very last line. It doesn't seem to fit the rhythm.
All together this is a pretty good poem. I certainly liked it. My main concern for you is rhythm and word choice for the rhymes.