Published July 21, 2010
I was sitting at home
Searching on Google
I was typing and
All that I could think of was
Who would I be
If I wasn't me
I'de be a reporter?
I'd be a teacher?
I'de be a vet?
who keeps killing monkeys!!!
I was sitting at home
Taking a nap
I was dreaming and
All that I could dream of was
Who would I be
If I wasn't me
I'd be an acountant?
I'd be an astrounemer?
I'd be a doctor?
Who keeps killing people
U were a fool If u agreed with me
Cause never ever say
If I wasn't me!
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140,866 Literary Works • 673,695 Reviews
Hello there
I agree with angermanagement on most parts and she gave you a great review. Your poem lacked punctuation and you used SMS language in the last stanza. But it was not completely bad, the message was very sweet and it fits your age. I think though that with a lot of practice and reading more and more poetry, with time you will be great.
Keep writing
Hey Tam,
I didn't really like this poem. It was lacking in punctuation, the grammar was a bit flawed in some places and so was most spelling -use spell checker. I liked the idea of the whole 'Who would I be?' thing but I feel as though you did not explain it well enough. There were some good bits but the bad bits overpowered the good ones.
Keep Writing. Anger