Published July 16, 2010
A voice in the back,the lies and the fears
No colour but black,the truth disappears
Just by the look in your eyes I can tell
That your honor is gone
You're caught in confusion and pain
Friends will be friends
Down on this long road
Friends will be friends
Once and for all
The meaning is wrong,there's no reason why
The logic is gone,it's hard to deny
Your honor had gone
You had caught in confusion pain
Friends will be friends
Down on this long road
Friends will be friends
Once and for all
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140,866 Literary Works • 673,695 Reviews
Hey there, Tamtam! ^__^
This seems a bit too short, if you catch my gist. I think you need to add more to this piece, but that's just me. It feels unfinished, incomplete where you've left it.
Well, here goes...
I think this is rather short. Not to judge, but doesn't a song usually have to last for more than a minute?
Nice start.
-Mizz-
Hey! Very nice, I liked this, there is only one thing I didn't like to much.
This last line doesn't make sense the way you worded it. In a previous stanza you wrote this in a different tense, and you changed it, thats ok, but I think it should be "You had been caught in confusion and pain"? I think it would work better, but thats my opinion. Otherwise good job