Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: So this was an intriguing piece here. It had a nice bit of a unique flair to it and I think it makes for a pretty solid piece in general here. You've managed to do quite a solid job of establishing this character and then a little bit of this town quite well here and I assume these are the main points here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
The town, by definition, was a façade. Its semblance depicted a place where kids of well-to-do parents lightheartedly hang out in the town center and mostly receive good, private school education. People visualize it as a place that seems so isolated from reality, only attaching themselves to it through community service. But this description belies the truth. For it is not detached from reality, reality is embedded in it. It is the epitome of the Titanic, a ship that sets off, but never reaches its destination. Yet, there were survivors of the Titanic, so there will be survivors of this town.
Okay that's an interesting note to start off on there. Its not the sort of thing you run into too often as a comparison but it does add a rather unique touch to things and now I find myself very curious to see what this could all possibly be hinting at right here. As far as openings go, this is a pretty solid one here.
But Maggie Byrne refused to go down with that ship and refused to merely withstand the fatal crash. The seemingly ebullient green landscape, quaint shops, and safe town center gave the feeling of impenetrability, like it could withstand any hardship, but it couldn’t, the people couldn’t. The citizens of this town where forever falling into a hole of insecurity and other issues which lead to troublesome corollaries, just like her family. She repudiated the lives of her sisters, Gillian and Ani, which played before her.
Okayy....well it seems this is perhaps the character we are going to follow. We've already created a pretty interesting contrast there with this character who seems to be on that will defy the fate that the opening paragraph there gave this particular city.
Gillian was well out of college and well into her alcoholic’s anonymous group. She had been the model student, the personification of what had seemed at the time, like success. Then she moved to the city for college. By the end of her schooling she had total academic perfection and her future lay before her, but now that that was accessible, she had no more goals but to continue. To carry on walking down the littered gray sidewalk through throngs of people under reflective glass and mundane buildings to her job as C.E.O. in a big company. But while walking through the crowds of people, street performers, and artist she realized all the things she could’ve been and all the things she didn’t perfect.
Okay well now we're sort of switching there a little to what I suppose are other important characters. This isn't the best sort of flow but since this is an introduction that's not too big of a deal and we are learning quite a bit about these characters so in that sense I think so far this piece is plodding along quite nicely.
Social perfection was one. She had friends, but none she held near to her. She was liable to drive any boyfriend away as a result of her excessive work schedule and dull personality. Thus, she broke down at every small rejection pertaining to these things and drank the pain away. And eventually she drank the job away, too.
But no, Maggie refused a life like that, more than her other sister, Ani's life. She was bubbly and superficial, once had tons of friends, and the social power to discard them. Her future? She had thrown that away years ago, and now she was without the power to get that, and the friends she once had back. Maggie didn’t want to be the person to rely on looks and luck and fail when that luck ran out.
She did not want to simply be a survivor, only to go back England where she started. No, Maggie wanted to take a life boat and continue the journey, all the way to New York.
Okayy....well, it seems Maggie is indeed the one we focus on quite a bit since we're diving back into her character a lot more and ignoring that third one. Well I'd say once again this sort of flow doesn't work out terribly well, but it is a pretty intriguing sounding piece and for an introduction that's just about enough.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I'd say this is a pretty solid piece here. I certainly find myself wanting to read on and find out more about it. I think you've done a really nice job of bringing this particular thing to life here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254788
Reviews: 4107
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