Published August 3, 2011
A Poem I wrote for school obviously a while ago about Egypt
18 days –revolt
But for a while this not a revolt
This is disobeying children
Blocked
Being disciplined
Then, it shatters
Three decades—
Political stasis
Established order
Tens of thousands—evening prayers
We are Egyptian
We are dances of joy
We are feet bouncing, lifted heads so high they create perforated lines in the clouds
30 years—absence
Egypt, democracy wrapped in thorny vines, held back in the hidden corners the country
Finally tangible
Six decades—departure
Mubarak falls, toppling over, rolling out the door, down the street, to the Red Sea
85 million—the nation
So many people
There is no room
For dictatorship, for single group slogans
Not any more
Moral force bends the walls, bends history
Spilling mindlessness onto the floor
Letting it evaporate into textbooks
12 days—detained
Blind folded isolation
Invisible refusal of corruption
Became increasingly clearer
As photographs were passed through barbed wire
27, 32, 39—ages
Rebuild the shattered,
frozen possibilities
Points:
Time spent:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Wow, I loved this. A history lesson in about 30 seconds.
You're an amazing writer!!!!!
I was really irritated after reading the review above, as "DrunkOnWriting" had mentioned really the only thing that was going to nitpick about this poem, about making the long lines shorter.
So that basically means you've done one hell of a job- this is a deeply lyrical and beautiful piece of writing.
Nice job!
thank you! And yeah, I agree after reading it over... I really haven't looked at this since it was assigned in class.
Wow, I really loved this! A very clever setup, with powerful, well written content. Nicely done!
Only one thing...I think that these should be written vertically, as stanzas:
Otherwise, a lovely work:)