Published August 4, 2011
Enjoy...
Snow claws at the world
While these nesting dolls with porcelain dreams
wish to be somewhere else,
wish to escape,
wish to let the sticky disappointing leak out
wish to stuff their kids in snow suits
and themselves
and cut perfect, smiling gingerbread people.
They wish to fight the cold
with a cup of hot cocoa
a book
a heater on high
a blanket.
They wish to fight the cold,
not This.
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138,191 Literary Works • 672,080 Reviews
Your poem really flows nicely, I loved reading it. You should definitely enter it into a contest on YWS!!! About coping with weather or something along those lines!! Again, your imagery is amazing, you seem to look beyond what others see. Good job!! This just has to be my favorite part!!
it's so true!!
Thank you!
I took out the small font, but I'm still trying to figure out how to explain 'this' without it disrupting the flow, as it would seem really intense and kind of jarring in comparison to the rest...
Hi,
I really enjoyed this. It flows nicely and you use language and imagery well. I especially enjoyed:
"and cut perfect, smiling gingerbread people "
and
"with a cup of hot cocoa
a book
a heater on high
a blanket".
I would avoid making the font small in parts, as its purpose is not clear enough. I would also expand so there is room to suggest what the "This" is.
Hope this helps,
Jas