when I go
to the movies
and drink out
of my tea cup
the old men
they look at me
and wonder
when they'll have me
but i say
i say no
ive learnt how
how to say no
and the next time
the old men
they bring their
own tea cups
they're decorated
with pink stripes
and old yellow
bee hives
these tea cups
i know them
old women
have made them
the old men
they have nothing
and now not
not even me
because, i don't
go there anymore
now i sit at home
and drink all alone
so that old men
they can't see
when im coming
and where im going.
im all on
on my own,
all alone
with my tea cup
i dont leave
the house now
i make sure
i breathe loud enough
so, the neighbours
can hear me
and think not that
i have died.
i told you
i dont go
to the movies
no more.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey
thanks everyone!
I know about my capitalising and punctuation. I do it deliberately as I write. I guess I could polish. And I definitely agree with you guys. I don't even like reading it as it goes on, lol
Thanks for the feedback!
Hey there, welcome to YWS. xD I'm Kirsten and I'm going to be your reviewer for today. You're new so you won't know this, but here you have to keep your review:post ratio 2:1, you have to review 2 things for every one thing you post. This means that the people you review shall review your stuff (hopefully) this also makes for more reviews on everyone's work and everyone is happy.
Anyway, this isn't a problem just now, just remember it for future. 
and you'll be good 
Onto your poem 
I agree totally with Mizz, this is a good starting stanza, substance and action = goodIn poetry you don't have to capitalize the first letter, although in most you do, but you need to capitalize pronouns, especially I, make sure you capitalize it.
Remember your apostrophes, I've has one.
I find this stanza rather boring, it repeats itself. Basically you say; I say no, I've learnt how to say no. Kinda lacking, isn't it? Something I've noticed about your poem so far is that it lacks imagery. Use figurative language and such to make it interesting. A mixture of similes, metaphors, description, and information, make sure you balance the mixture to maximise your poems interesting-ness
You have imagery here, but not in the rest of your poem.
Remember to capitalize your I's
Your poem gets kinda boring as it progresses, I liked the beginning better.
Remember the I's!!!
Capitalize your I's
I'm should have an apostrophe
Remember the I's
I's
The language is a bit mixed up here, it doesn't make sense.
I's
No more isn't right. It should be anymore.
Okay; I'm afraid I didn't like this poem too much. You have a lack of proper grammar, you've missed a lot of apostrophes, and not capitalized enough pronouns. Remember your capitalization. Also use some imagery. A lot of this poem was just repeating what you previously said. That said, if you revise this poem it could be great. The start was good, but it got worse as it went on. Anyway, if you revise this I would certainly be interested to see how it went. Good luck and I hope I wasn't too harsh. xD
~Kirsten xxx
HI! Welcome to YWS!!
Before you post your own article you need to review atleast 2 other articles. Please read the rules. I'm telling this since you're new.
I'll have to agree with mizz-iceberg.
It started out well but got quite boring toward the end. I had to force my eyes not to skim over it.
The lack of capitalization of the 'i' in the entire poem kind of annoys me. Please change it. Use proper punctuation and capitalization-it makes it better to read.
These lines repeat the fact the you don;t goto the movies any more. Yes, you want to emphasize but try something else, more description, images etc.
I'm not much of a poet, but this is a good attempt.
Keep Writing!
~Lava
I loved how you started the poem. It flowed well and it was interesting. From the sixth stanza, I found it repetitive and boring. Instead of flowing like it did in the beginning it had a repetitive feel to it. I get it she doesn't go to the movies anymore... but somehow I felt you kept repeating that. Imagery is another thing that would add to your poem.
More emotions, bright imagery would do very well in this poem. A lot of it is just stating facts.
I liked this stanza because it had substance and action. The old men wondered. She went to the movies. She drank tea. There's life in this stanza.
Same with this stanza. It's got imagery.
The rest of the poem was void of imagery and emotion.
Remember show us, don't tell us. Show us the facts, rather than state the facts.
-Zehra