Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
*** NOTE: This is a continuance of the J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. It takes place a few years after the epilogue in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. ***
One in front. One behind. Two on the right. Spells flying everywhere. Wall coming up. Hopefully the boxes are there. The thoughts flew through Sylvia’s mind as she pounded through the alleyways of Triventus. Her heart raced and adrenaline course through her veins. A brick wall rose up in front of her. It was 15 feet high, at least, as she had no way of levitating herself over magically. She looked around wildly for the much-needed boxes. None. Cursing mentally and pushing a load of memories into the back of her mind, she spun to the left. Right, Left, Right, Straight, Right. She raced through the intersections and arrived on the other side of the wall. Her legs were starting to fell like jelly, but she continued on and on. She could hear the Aurors getting closer. She tried to push harder, her lungs sending shocks of pain through her chest with each breath. Her whole body covered with sweat. Her hair strewn out behind her in tangles and matted with dirt. And then a man jumped out in front of her. She skidded to a stop and turned around. Five more panting adults had come up. She backed up, eyes wide, breathing hard. Trapped! Six wands were pointed at her. A brown-haired man reached for her. A chance! She darted off. Footstep echoes mingled with those of curses. She thought she’d make it to the street, a magic-safety zone, when two hands grabbed her ankles. She fell with a muffled cry, her arms stretched out to catch herself. She tossed and kicked to no avail. She gave soft grunts and growls of frustration. Finally, completely exhausted, she lay still, glaring daggers at the six faces above her.
“Feisty little thing, aren’t you?” An Indian-looking man said. Sylvia’s eyes flashed to his face and then returned to watching everyone.
“If it isn’t a little orphan.” A blonde man with blue eyes snickered.
Okay, definitely not Aurors. Sylvia thought. Just Ministry bounty hunters.
A woman waved her wand over Sylvia, calling out an identification spell. Sylvia gritted her teeth and tried to muster up a shield. She could feel the warm energy of the magic insider of herself and felt it expand into an orb protecting her. Too late.
“Sylvia Estelle Lioness. Ha! And we’d nearly given you up for dead.” The cold voice seemed to shriek at her with hideous laughter.
Sylvia remembered the obituary in the Sorcerer. I’d been on April 24th, 2019; on a Friday. It’d just said that she was believed to be dead as no trace had been found of her. The Ministry was still looking for the proof. Only then had she felt safe to go out in public. And since that time, a little over 5 years ago, life hadn’t been so bad. Now, of course, it’d all come crashing down and she pushed the memory of that April 24th along with all the others into the back of her mind. She instead turned to cursing her invalid of a shield and slowness at putting it up. And now, with 6 hunters guarding her, she’d have no way to escape. Damn it!
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Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Hello
Here to review your work for review day! I will review as I read so it makes a little more sense to me and you. I tend to ramble otherwise.
Here goes!
Oo - the little note that you've inserted already has me interested. I'm a huge Harry Potter fan!
I really like the way you write, "She spun to the left. Right, Left, Right, Straight, Right.” It's clever and different.
I also really like your final paragraph. You're obviously good at giving us just the right amount of key facts rather than overloading us with information about stuff we really don't need to know about just yet.
Overall - I think this has a really good solid base for a story! I like that you've set it way off into the future and I also like that you've set in a world that we all know and love.
The only critiques I can offer you, is to check your lengths of paragraphs and decide whether you are writing in either the past or present tense because right now - you're doing both.
You have good description and an interesting character so I cant wait to read what happens next!
Good luck, I hope this helped and happy review day!
Olive <3
Hiya sylviae! Here to review your prologue. I've not actually read Harry Potter, so I'll try not to let that get in the way of the review too much.
I'll start off with things I liked. Firstly, you've set the scene for the rest of the story, and since this is the prologue, that's pretty important. Some characters have been revealed but I liked how not too much information was revealed along with that, so well done! I thought you had a good amount of dialogue in here that seemed to flow naturally which is good. I'll not talk about things that could be improved.
The main thing I want to talk about is the big chunk of text that is the first paragraph. It's waaay too long and could do with some cutting down. Not only is it a bit of an eyesore, but it slows down the story and makes it seem longer than it actually is. And considering what is happening in the paragraph is quite action-y, we don't want that. Also, I noticed with this paragraph that generally, only simple sentences were used, as in they were all very short. Sure this is effective when doing an action scene like this, however here there is just too much of it! Remember to vary your sentences. Everything just seems so abrupt so it doesn't read as well as it could. My suggestions here would be to combine two or even three of your shorter sentences, using commas, semi-colons, dashes and connectives.
Secondly, I'd like to see some more descriptions and imagery in this piece- I thought this was lacking a bit, especially in the first paragraph. I know that this is a prologue so you want to outline key things rather than describe the weather, I'm sure, but there still needs to be /some/. You need to make sure that the reader can picture everything, so perhaps you could describe the surroundings a little bit. And perhaps go into a bit more detail with some of the characters. This is quite a short piece anyways, so I'm sure there's no harm in adding a bit to it.
I don't really like that description of the man. It's a bit boring, and I'm sure you could come up with something more creative such as talking more about what he looks like. For example his skin tone or eye colour rather than just saying an Indian looking man.
Overall, this was a really good prologue and it leaves me wanting more. Although I've made quite a few comments about the first paragraph, it's good that you've used the short sentences, just don't overdo them and it should be fine. If there's anything to add, I'd say some more descriptions! I hope this review helped, PM me with questions or if you'd like another review.
Keep writing!
-Arc x
wow! Thanks for the long, descriptive review! I really appreciate the time you spent to read the comment.
I will go through the prologue and see what I can do to make it easier to read. 
Thanks again!
Sylvia.
Hey there Sylvia!
I see this is your first post? Congratulations.
Firstly, what is a prologue?
A prologue should reveal significant facts that contribute to our understanding of the plot.
This one does that very well, however I feel like I'm reading a well written chapter-1 rather than a prologue.
Ask yourself this-
What if I just call the prologue Chapter 1? Will the story flow smoothly from that point anyway? (If the answer is "yes", ditch the prologue.) Because I do not know what happens in the story I do not have an answer to this. However, you do so I say you give it a thought.
Another thing I notice, you have mentioned Aurors and the Ministry. Is this a fan fiction of Harry Potter? I didn't see it being mentioned anywhere.
I like the way you started it. It got me to read more. Good job.
You have shifted the tense from the before sentence.
Her whole body was covered with sweat, her hair was strewn out behind her in tangles, matted with dirt.
insider is inside.
And the magic inside her
Overall, this is a written well.
Let me know when the chapters are out!
Hope I helped!
-manisha.
Thanks fpr reviewing.
I would like to keep the Prologue as the prologue because 1) its too short to be a chapter and 2) I don't continue from this point in the story. I skip a bit of time.
Yes, this is a fan-fic Harry Potter story. It actually continues from Rowlings' last book, the Deathly Hallows... I'll put that at the beginning. Thanks for pointing it out.
Also, thanks for editing the few tense changes. I will fix those.
I will let you know when the chapters are out. Thanks for reviewing!
Sylvia.