Phoenix part 2

Phoenix- part 2

The darkness receded as Kal awoke. Pushing back the bed covers he glanced around at his surroundings. The room was elegant and expensive, he was lying in a king sized bed, under blue silk blankets. The room was painted a light blue, with a darker blue carpet and mahoganey furnishings. A large, flat screen television was attached to the wall. The bathroom door was ajar, showing black, silver flecked marble, and what had to be a walk in closet. To his left the french doors were open, leading to a circular pool.

Despite the luxurious surroundings, Kal barely managed to supress a snarl. "I should've just kicked him." He muttered under his breath. Throwing back the covers, he stood up and grabbed his bag from where it sat on the table. He left the room, slamming the door on his way out for emphasis. The room opened into a large octagonal lobby. The first floor was obviously for everyones use. An area had been set aside as a kitchen, and tables were scattered everywhere. Various halls branched off in different directions, training center, weapons rooms, recreation, etc. The second and third floors were wrap around balconies. Each with about fifty or so rooms.

At the moment the lobby was pretty much deserted, five people sat at one of the tables eating. Three of them were kids about his age, Shane and his twin brother Tyr sat teasing the girl. Kal couldn't stop himself from smiling at the sight Cara. She had dark auburn hair, and bright blue eyes. The other two were adults, a man in his early thirties, and an elderly women, her dark brown hair was just beginning to gray.

Kal took the stairs three at a time, the five of them had looked up when they heard him slam the door. Cara grinned broadly when she saw him. Tyr looked mildly amused, and Shane watched him warily. But Kal had eyes only for the adults, the woman scowled when she saw him, Alexandra Winnion was the Vice Director of GSA. Race Forester smiled slightly when he saw him. It was a shock to Kal to realize the he was taller then the director now.

Sarcasm tinged his voice as Kal pulled a chair out and sat down on it. "Shane mentioned you wanted to talk to me, but was kidnapping really necessary?

"Don't be disrespectful Drake." Winnion snapped. "You did not discharge, you are still an agent of GSA. And the world needs you."

Kal grimaced, taking his feet off the table he leaned forward, fixing Winnion with a violet eyed glare. "The world. I am sick and tired of saving the world. Just once I wanted to try being normal, go to school, hang out, be a kid. You know." The sarcasm was thick in his voice now. "Have a life."

Winnion opened her mouth, probably to harangue him again but the director cut her off with a raised hand. Director Forester gave Kal a sympathetic look. "I understand how you feel Kal. In hind sight we pushed you far too hard. You were so talented we overlooked the fact that in many ways you were still a child. Putting you in situations even an adult would be hard pressed to handle."

"You were entirely within your rights to leave. Although faking your own death may have been slightly extreme." He continued wryly. "But the fact remains that the current situation is dire. Dire enough that we need to use your particular gift."

"Gift? Don't you mean curse?" Kal interrupted bitterly.

"Call it what you will Kal, we need you. And even if we had left you alone you still would have become involved eventually." He took a deep breath before bluntly informing Kal. "Devlin Santos is alive. He survived the destruction of his Siberia labs, and our latest reports placed him somewhere in California."

Shock tore through Kal, a cold shiver ran up his spine as if someone had just walked on his grave. "What? But... No... That's... That's not possible. I barely survived even using my powers. There is no way he could have survive the blast. I made sure of it."

"Maybe you did." Winnion said in a dry voice. "But it seems that, like you, Santos makes a habit of doing the impossible."

"Please Kal. We need your help." Those four words cemented the reality of it for Kal. He had always seen the Director as a source of strength but if he took a closer look, the older man looker tired, and was that fear in his eyes? "One last mission, that's all we're asking for. Then you're finished, you can leave and never look back, we won't interfere."

Kal hesitated and looked around the table. Winnion was wearing that same perpetual scowl. Mara, Ty, and Shane were covering their exitement and hope, pretending they hadn't heard a word of the conversation.

Unbidden his mind flashed to the day in Siberia. Of it's own accord, the warm scent of food that permeated the lobby was replaced with the acrid scent of soot and ash. Distant screams and the crackle of flames reached his ears.

Desperately, he shook his head. "No." Kal thought. "This is the base, not Siberia. That's over and done." He pushed the memories to the back of his mind, behind the door where all his nightmares lay. All the horrors he had seen and done.

Kal took a deep breath and nodded. "All right. I'll do it, but just this one last time. And only because it's Santos you're after." Mara grinned and reached over to give him a one armed hug. Ty and Shane gave each other high fives.

"Right." Forester slapped his hands on the table as he should. "We don't have any time to lose. So we'll get you some weapons and brief you on the way to L.A."

Shaking his head, Kal gave the director a wistful smile. "You're forgetting Director. I don't need weapons." He held out his hand palm up. Blue white light gathered in his hand. Brilliant, white-hot, and incandescent. The air snapped and popped around him, calming only when Kal focused on the electricity, shaping it, until he held a sphere of blue-white lightning in his hand. Kal closed his hand over the sphere, and the lightning snuffed out as he made a fist. "At least, not anymore."

Kal spun on his heel and headed towards the briefing room, behind him the others stood in shocked silence. Staring after him. He felt a pang of guilt for having to wreck their illusions of safety.

Snarling, he stifled the guilt. "They think they can handle Santos like any other terrorist. Well they can't, if they go into this blind they will die. If he's managed to give even one of his elite the power he gave me, add to that his megalomaniac personality and delusions of grandeur. And we're just asking for trouble."

***

Deep in the California mountains a private estate was set miles back from the road. It was owned by a wealthy reclusive billionaire. The guard stepped into the room and bowed low. "My Lord. We have news from our spy in GSA."

"Oh? What could the fool offer me now?" Devlin Santos turned from the windows that offered a panoramic view of the estate. His silky black hair was pulled back in a leather tie. His brilliant azure eyes never missed a detail. Santos strode across the plush carpet and sat down in a leather armchair. He lifted a crystal glass filled with amber liquid giving the Elite a silent toast before drinking.

Santos was dressed casually, in black pants, and a black silk shirt. With his aquiline features, many would think him handsome. The guard swallowed before answering the lord's question. "There's a problem. The Phoenix..." He broke off as the sound of breaking glass filled the air.

Carefully Santos set the glass down, checking to see if he had cut himself. He turned back to the guard, his voice liquid velvet. "I fail to see the significance. The Phoenix died in Siberia."

"I'm afraid not my Lord. Like you, Kal Drake faked his death, for reasons of his own. GSA has apperantly brought him back for the sole purpose of eliminating you. Our spy thought you might not believe him, so he sent proof." The guard extended his hand, holding a single sheet of paper.

He stood, and strode toward the guard, taking it he glanced down and blinked at the photograph. It was indeed a photo of the Phoenix, older and taller, in the year and a half since his supposed death, he had grown into his body. But despite the changes their were still many thing that were the same. That violet eyed raptor's gaze, that lithe panther's grace. And that deadly self contained confidence. It was clearly a candid photo he stood on a balcony, looking out on the mountains surrounding GSA's base.

"My Lord?" The guard interupted his master casually. "There is more." Santos looked up from the picture to meet the guards gaze. "The spy also claims that your experiments on the Phoenix succeeded. He claims he saw Drake make lightning with his own eyes."

Santos' eyebrow shot up in surprise. "So that's how he destroyed the Siberia labs. I had wondered." He turned back to the windows. "He will go to LA first. To find information, the Phoenix is nothing if not thorough. Send some of our Elite soldiers."

The guard saluted. "Yes sir. I will personally make sure Drake is eliminated."

"Not eleminated." Santos put his hand on the glass pane. "I want him alive Laurence. I'm no fool, if the experiments worked then the odds are strong that we can use the fail safe to control him. It's about time we put this wolf back in his cage."

Comments & reviews · 3
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The_Gabriel Review

Hey there,
I'm new here so I'm not going to get too technical.
Ok, at the beggining when your describing the room, it gets kind of boring.. I mean, you could describe it as he is walking around in it or do something to make it flow better. I don't feel I know any of the characters through their actions or thoughts, but your descriptions are pretty awesome.
Alright,
Keep writing.

Hey there Sylverdawn! Well I read this and I think it is pretty intriguing if I do say so myself. So here is my review of it and my first review at that so forgive me if things aren't as accurate as they could be.

I'll start with the spelling and grammatical mistakes.

The room was painted a light blue, with a darker blue carpet and mahoganey furnishings


mahoganey = mahogany

To his left the french doors were open, leading to a circular pool.


When we use the name of a country the first letter is a capital! :wink:

Despite the luxurious surroundings, Kal barely managed to supress a snarl.


supress = suppress

The first floor was obviously for everyones use.


everyones = everyone's

Mara, Ty, and Shane were covering their exitement and hope, pretending they hadn't heard a word of the conversation.


exitement = excitement

GSA has apperantly brought him back for the sole purpose of eliminating you.


apperantly = apparently

"My Lord?" The guard interupted his master casually.


interupted = interrupted

"Not eleminated." Santos put his hand on the glass pane.


eleminated = eliminated

But despite the changes their were still many thing that were the same.


their = there - This isn't talking about something that belongs to someone so we use there.

thing = things - Plural!

Deep in the California mountains


mountains = Mountains - Small thing I know, but we capitalize the first letter.

It was a shock to Kal to realize the he was taller then the director now.


then = than

Well, they are all the spelling and grammar mistakes I can find. Sorry for nit-picking! :P

I noticed something else you do which, in my opinion, halts the flow of the writing. Let me give you an example.

Kal spun on his heel and headed towards the briefing room, behind him the others stood in shocked silence. Staring after him. He felt a pang of guilt for having to wreck their illusions of safety.


That bolded part seems weird and disjointed on its own there and although you may be trying to create the tense mood by short sentences I don't really find it working. If you joined it I think it might be better. This is how I would have done it.

Kal spun on his heel and headed towards the briefing room. Behind him the others stood in shocked silence, staring after him. He felt a pang of guilt for having to wreck their illusions of safety.

You do it again here.

That violet eyed raptor's gaze, that lithe panther's grace. And that deadly self contained confidence


I think that it might read better if you changed some words.

That violet eyed raptor's gaze, that lithe panther's grace. The deadly self contained confidence that radiated from beneath.

I don't know, that is just my opinion, heh.

You've got some good descriptions and dialogue in there but I feel I would relate more to the characters if you fleshed out their thoughts a little more. You show plenty of their reactions and the like when they speak but you never really get any insight to the minds of the characters, which I think would make this story a lot more immersive. I feel becoming attached or repelled by characters is what makes stories great.

Anyway I thought it was a very good story, but I am going to have to read the first part to fully understand what exactly is going on. Still, the fact that I want to read the first part is good as it means it has got me intrigued! :D

Well I hope that was suitable for a review! If it wasn't please tell me and I will do my best to correct the problems! :D



The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment.
— T. H. White