Young Writers Society

more care than you think all of you broken angels aspire to be keepers and all of the warriors see theirselves in us and we in the end are who they are fighting for they fight for the people they love and trust and those people are the keepers .. <3

I like that this poem is more on the mysterious side, which leads the reader to be more likely to create their own interpretation of what exactly our narrator's Keeper is. To me, this is more of an ode to someone or something that the speaker is confiding in; someone or something that holds all of their secrets so that they get that release when it comes time that they can no longer hold everything in anymore.

I thought it was interesting that you opted to use some punctuation, but not periods in particular; I personally would have liked to see some periods at the end of the lines that complete the narrator's thoughts, just for the sake of keeping everything nice and structured. This isn't necessarily a big deal, though, because, depending on your intended interpretation, this decision could have been a result of the intention to keep the poem open-ended and mysteriously metaphorical.

I like that the poem seems to be a one-sided, slightly frustrated and confused conversation between the speaker and whoever/whatever they are addressing. The use of rhetorical questions (Why do you care / Where your secrets will go?") really makes this an interesting, open-ended piece; I actually think that ambiguity in this poem works really well.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece and I hope to see some more of your work!! Write on!!

I liked this a lot. its very deep and mysterious. in my mind, I see the keeper as the grave. a place that tells and keeps all secrets. I really like the imagery and dark overtones I felt while reading this. There is a lot said in such short words, and I was able to feel a lot from the short poem. Reading this put many thoughts and emotions into my mind.

if you have any more poems I will have to check out your account.

normally I wound point out places I didn't like or mistakes I saw, but if I'm honest I didn't find anything to criticize

keep up the work this was inspiring for me

Interesting, im trying to think of what this could be about. could it be, and im just guessing here, jesus asking for someone to lay down all their secrets and shame so that he can take up the burden? Simple formatting but appealing to look at, and good choice at words. people need to write more poems. keep up the good work, from one poet to another.

1.

Come on, speak your mind!

Go, speak your mind.

2.

Its mouth ever frothing

if the lines were longer it wouldn't matter as much, but the imperfect rhyme is a bit jarring. my suggestion is that you rework the companion line because "nothing" is hard to rhyme.

3.

With secrets like boulders

for a single line, the phrasing is too simple and static. you should spice it up a little.
Example:

Secrets weigh like boulders

4.

Your weight on mine,

phonoaesthetically, "mine" is a unsatisfactory word to end a line on (translation: it sounds weird.) try revamping for a better rhythm.
Example:

I'll add your weight,

5.

This next one may break me,

But that’s quite alright

For you must go on,

To continue your fight

Hi Riellehn!

It's really fun to read, I love how it rhymes.

I kept wondering who's the Keeper though. The poem could be referring to a psychiatrist, a friend, a diary, or even the internet, or something entirely different. If it's the internet, that adds a dark undertone. But many will definitely care if the internet goes, so maybe not that. (Or is it?)

It make more sense if the Keeper is a mental health professional. Well, whoever the Keeper be, the world needs them. The Keeper listens to a number of people everyday and the stories are not always easy to listen to. But they endure it, share the weight, so you may walk a little easier. The keepers save lives, sometimes from the shadows, because they don't do it for the applause. The meetings are of course confidential, so you can sleep a little better knowing your secrets are shared and safe.

That's my thoughts on the poem. I wonder if you have a different interpretation.

Excelsior!

~MAS