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Soldiers of the Blood: Chapter 1

by sweetlifeofJosh


Chapter 1

The Beginning of the End…

Beginning of the End...

Rory has never wanted to be cocky in his life. Everyone knows he’s a smart kid, and he knows it all too well. But what can a teenage boy do when he hits the senior year, and all of his middle school wishes to become cool have finally manifested. To maintain the social status one must go a little further out of their comfort zone; not that possessing two incredible powers inside a body of one person isn’t a good enough excuse to be up himself, somehow pushing his brother around in front of his mates seems to elevate him up that wooden ladder. Rory knows Rusty’s limits. He also knows never to push the young lad too far. After all he is his twin brother – fraternal twins if anyone wants to get scientific. But consider this, nobody has ever come up with the scientific term to why Rusty doesn’t have power like everybody else. The questions seem to focus more on why Rory can create a fireball on his left hand and electrocutes someone using his right hand. To Rory, his brother needs to learn to grow up and accept what life gives to him, otherwise what would be a reason to be alive on this earth? Rory studied philosophy in middle school (or so he thought), and if they wanted him to coin a hypothesis – this likely would be the only one he could come up with.

Of course, Rory does have some love towards his brother, and he never had an intention to hurt him in any way – but he also loves himself. After all no one can blame him for what has happened. Ever since the day he was made fatherless, he had only himself to love. Mother was the cause of all that, Rory knew this from the beginning even if she tried very hard to hide it.

But enough of the family affair soap opera; this was a Summer Music Festival for goodness sake. Rory didn’t pay two thousand bucks to be here and stress over what he’d left behind. Since the festival lowered the minimum age for entry to 17, he and his two mates enlisted themselves straight away. For his mates, there was music, which they loved but couldn’t play, and there were girls, whom they clearly excited about but couldn’t get their act together. While the same equation could be applied to Rory for a similar outcome, though slightly better, he seemed to have used no effort at all.

It was the last day of the seven days festival, bright blue sky with a little bit of white thin clouds blocking the sunlight unevenly. A perfect day for those who still wanted to maintained their tan skin without becoming a walking orange. The beating of the EDM progressively blasting its way like sonic waves into the ears of the teenagers, the young adults and, surprisingly, people with midlife crisis; Rory felt like he was on top of the world as the man on stage kept on increasing the BPM. When the beat dropped hard Rory could feel the electrical charge at his right hand sending power to the rest of his body, making those impressive moves that he had practiced so hard for.

He thought to himself, all those hours spent at the gym, shredding his muscles instead of homeworking, and learning how to do those cool moves properly during the weekend parties, instead of doing chores at home, had really paid off in the last few days. He remembered that cliché saying the goes ‘Dance like there’s no tomorrow’. Rory wondered if he was classified into that category or not. If so, he hoped he didn’t look like those revellers in front of him. There was a theory, which he had developed from the occasional parties in the past. To strike a balance between having fun, being wild and at the same time staying cool so that everyone would keep their admiration on him. He was determined to keep that balance, he thought to himself as he watched this guy struggled to sit his girlfriend on his shoulder.

Rory had no idea how long it had been since breakfast, so when his best mate, Brody, told him that there were people fighting a few feet away behind them, he just looked down on his phone for the time. He paid no attention when the five security guards quickly rushed past them to stop the fight. When considering that this was not today’s first fist fight, Rory looked up from his time nodded at Brody in acknowledgement, he kept on doing his own thing. Everyone knew they couldn’t summon their power while in here. On an event such as this, the government introduced the ‘Power limitation Controller’, which temporary seized the power of human beings as long as they were contained within the designated area. Hence, the only mean of fighting left for the clowns were by the use of their feet and fists. Otherwise it would be taken outside the festival’s wall where they could use their power however they pleased. Even then, there would still be police officers patrolling around, tightened up the security of every area.

“Just leave them brah! We’re here to have a good time,” Rory told Brody, who was too keen to do some boxing.

“It’s a chicken fight bro, nothing to see” Carlton reported the distanced situation while adjusting his bucket hat.

“Not as good as that cat fight yesterday though, hahaha” Rory made fun out of it.

“Oh true, aha ha” Brody laughed, “that was way too better”

“Hahaha,” Carlton laughed at the lame joke, pushing his hands up to the sky and just danced away, forgetting all about the dancing tanned people around him.

It was already midday and the sun was shining as bright as it could in the northern hemisphere. Rory still had his sunglasses on since this morning. It boosted his confident while dancing and also helped him to check out all the girls without being too obvious.

The beat dropped again, simultaneously with the fight, Rory thought for a second that they were actually dancing to the beat instead of fighting. He took his eyes of the fight and saw that Brody was doing his robot/indie moves. Rory just laughed his head off like someone who was really high, all the while continuing his repeated moves for the hundredth time. The truth was the boys were faking it. Coming from a predominant religious school made it almost impossible for them to learn how to get high without being caught. Even Carlton, who had said many times, he had tried them before and that he got them from his brother; Rory had never actually seen him with it once. He just had to assume his mate was talking rubbish like always, which was fine because everyone at their age were doing it anyway.

When the fight settled down, the handful of clowns were aggressively escorted from the area. They replaced the DJ and there were a few minutes of change over.

“I could fight better than that,” Rory shouted as he watched them being moved away by the cops.

“Hahaha, listen to the music brahs!” Carlton laughed realising the track had grown into trap music. Rory didn’t mind trap music, but he definitely wasn’t a fan of it. Carlton would prefer trap music over anything else though. Judging from the way he had his eyes closed with two fists pumping in the air and making those moves that even Rory felt the need to move away from; Rory had to believe his friend got ‘trapped’ inside the gravity of the genre that he could actually fight anyone that come close to him while he was rocking the beat. Rory didn’t get it, why can’t people just follow the top ten? If the majority of the population downloaded and requested the song on airplay; then that would make it become the ‘top’ ten in the country right? Just like a song that received a popular vote, for a few second Rory thought may be trap music used Electoral College system instead. Carlton doesn’t seem to think so. Rory suspected he only wanted to be different, which, to be honest, didn’t seem to hurt anyone at all but himself. Being obstinate and all.

That was Rory’s thought.

“Oi, bro, check out that chick,” Brody, again, signalled Rory and Carlton. Both boys spun their head in one direction. Rory lowered his sunglasses down to the nose to check her out. And yes, he was not disappointed. There she was, blond hair swinging in the air with the white singlet and short denim, dancing around with her girlfriends.

“Damn bro, she’s fit as,” Carlton said.

To Rory, there were a few fish in this part of the sea, but this one really stood out.

“Bro, she’s looking at us,” Brody cried out aloud against the music. “We need to get closer.”

“Boys, keep calm OK? And just be cool, I can handle this,” Rory, considering himself as a sick lad, reassured his pals that he’s got this. Rory actually caught her staring as him while she was dancing. She bit her lip and smiled a little.

“Go on bro, this is what we’re here for,” Brody pushed Rory forward.

“Oi, do I look OK but?,” Rory asked, seeking a little more approval.

“Yeah bro you’re the one that goes to the gym all the time.” Somehow Brody was really excited that he didn’t listen to the question properly.

“Yeah, bro she’ll fall for you instantly,” it was Carlton’s turn to say.

“OK boys, watch and learn,” Rory put on his husky voice. God, he could felt that power running through his body already.

Rory did the bro-nod to the two friends, trying a little harder to emphasise his masculinity before walking up towards her.

“See bro! I didn’t let him borrow that tank shirt today for nothing!” Carlton said to Brody who just had to put on the biggest smile on his face.

“Take off those sunglasses,” Brody yelled while he’s walking away

“Shut up,” Rory turned around and yelled back. The music was really loud they couldn’t hear a thing.

Considering himself as one of the young aesthetics, Rory knew exactly when is the most effective moment to take off the sunglasses. He’d usually leave it until the last minute; showing those sparkling brown eyes was the last step when impressing a pretty girl.

The teenage girl who seems to be a year or two older than him made eye contact again. She’s quite attractive all right. As he moved closer, Rory forced himself to say hi first, no girl is interested in a shy boy.

“Hi,” she replied as her attention turned to him.

“I really like this DJ, what about you?” He put on this husky voice knowing it would give her goose bumps, which was true when he quickly glanced over her right arm.

“The last track was better, though, but he’s good nonetheless.” She pretended to be calm. Rory knew that.

“He can do so much better if it’s not this trap music.”

She didn’t say anything after that so Rory had to say something. She was not following his steps.

“I’ve got a friend who’s doing DJ.”

“Oh really, is that him over there?” She nodded at Carlton’s direction.

“Yeah, how do you know?”

She didn’t answer but looked at him with a smile for a few seconds, as if she knew what his next move will be. She kept moving closer to him. Rory instantly forgot his next question.

“What school do you go to?” Rory didn’t know why he asked her that, he should have asked for her name, or her number, or if she had ever done modelling. Those would be more appropriate to complete his string of pick up lines. She looked at him in the eyes, placing her two hands behind his neck. Rory automatically moved his hands between her waists. She stepped closer and whispered, “Doesn’t matter what school I go to, but my name is Kelsea and I can read your mind.”

Now Rory felt an immediate goose bumps. She just laughed at him, that innocent laugh though.

“How could you read my mind while PLC is still effective?” Rory was exited and amazed at the same time.

“Do you really want to know?” She tried to be mysterious.

“Oh yeah…” Rory answered reluctantly.

“There’s this pill that can actually fight PLC power for a few hours, you should try it.” She told him. “I know some people who could sell it to you.”

Rory was about to say ‘I don’t do that’, but he realised that would be a chicken move so he had to say “all right”. She smiles. That cute smile almost melts him completely.

The speaker was really loud, the sun was hanging at the highest point of the sky and the Celsius was just approaching 30. It was a perfect temperature for such a summer fest. His two mates were having a time of their lives not far away, and here he was with one of the hottest girls around. Rory forgot about his family all right. And right here, right now, it was all that mattered to him. He had never been this happy before in quite a long time. Rory closed his eyes he could feel her soft hands around his neck. He could only wish that this moment would go on forever.

But in reality, everyone knows happiness doesn't last very long. In fact while all of this was going on, the teenage boy was totally unaware that far, far away – in a place where the filthy spirits are trapped within – something wicked was on the move.

It wasn’t like some sort of parallel universe that Rory was familiar with from the regular fantasy movies, but one darkest dimension no one wished to be reminded of. Here, in this cave, were three old women in some cruddy black cloaks sitting around a red hot cauldron. Looking down from the aerial view, one would imagine a golden triangle with the Illuminati eye sitting in the middle. Containing green liquid that slowly bubbled due to the thick content, the large cauldron produced evaporation that filled the cave’s atmosphere with the intensity of dark magic.

Chanting after chanting, spell after spell, echoing from wall to wall spreading in radius like an airborne virus. Their crooked nose exhausted green mists only added power to the chemical fog produced to kill. Every living thing that was environing the area had long been perished.

A powerful drop of water fell from the ceiling into the boiling green chemical. Even the toxic smokes had to break apart to make way for the drop as it travelled down with gravity.

“Stop!” the first witch acclaimed with much power, her right arm reaching up to the ceiling as if she was grabbing something. To her sisters, it was more like an actress trying to achieve a dramatic scene in a music video. Still, they considered this to be an epic ritual. The sisters stopped their chanting and readied to listen.

“This is our long awaited answer,” she tried to acclaim again, this time with such a sadistic excitement lit up on the surface of that aged face. “It’s been 17 years my sisters.”

“Finally…”

“The time has come.”

“Our darkest auspice has returned.”

“The beginning of the end is drawing near.”

“We will take revenge for what they have done.”

“And destroy every single one of them once and for all.”

“Ha Ha Ha”

“He He He”

“Ho Ho Ho!”

The sadistic laughs of the wicked rang around the very cave for a good minute or two. Just like their devilry chanting of magic a few moments ago. It was pure evil. It was pure hatred.

“The boy,” the last one vocalised like a professional evil witch that she was.

“The boy,” the middle witch pushed out her tongue like a lizard.

“Oh yes, the boy,” the first one repeated with much conviction, “it is time for us to begin our task on his precious little life.

“I do volunteer, oh sister,” the middle one asked for permission.

“That boy will die on the altar of occultation.”

“The immolation of his flesh will restore our powers.”

“And his blood… oh, his beloved blood will destroy Skandar’s curse, and we shall have revenge!”

Within a minute, the eyes of the first witch had turned pure white like a ghost, signalling the beginning of the end. She stuck out her tongue repeatedly like a spiky lizard and said “This task has been given to us… you must go Nuvika, do not waste time with their toys, we must seek full on revenge. We will make them pay the full price, and nothing will be able to stop us from coming on them. Nothing at all.”

“Oh yes… my sister hehe hehe hehe.”

Suddenly there was a thick thunder crashing down from the sky and the wicked witch immediately vanished herself to begin the evilest task given to her. Oh, and did she promise not to disappoint.


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20 Reviews


Points: 71
Reviews: 20

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Sun May 31, 2020 7:46 am
Draculus wrote a review...



So. Review time, innit?

I like first chapters, that I've mentioned a long time before... Somewhere. I was speaking of why first chapters are one of the most interesting parts of books, as well as of movies. And I must admit that this exact part of the story was interesting for me to read, but I have a few suggestion the author may find useful. I won't talk about grammar, because for me it is not as important as the aspects of the style and dialogues, unless the rules are being violated in all possible ways (which doesn't really happen in this writing).

- First thing that hit my eye was that "Hahaha" thing. Call me old-fashioned, but I recall none of good authors, modern as well as classic, using "Hahaha" construction for emphasizing someone's laugh. It's enough to write that the character laughs, whereas that construction adds some weird feeling to the story, as if a kid was writing it. Didn't like, must admit, but the issue can be easily fixed.

- Second thing that made me wonder what the story really is was the beginning of the chapter. In the beginning, the author describes MC's relationships with his brother and mentions that MC's mother was the one to blame for everything. I should say that, at first, I thought the brothers' story would be told, but another story instead followed. It was a little confusing, because the author doesn't explain how all things described are connected. So we know something of MC's brother, family, powers etc. Then we see a situation where everything seems quite clear: party, MC hangs out with friends, picks up a pretty girl. Alright. Although I should also mention what I call 'too much water', which means there are events in the story that don't really influence it, but only add extra size to it, for example the fight that is not explained, or trap music - what was the meaning of those? But let's move on. Right after MC meets the girl, we see three witches in their cave preparing for the hunt. But all these three parts - Family, Party and Witches - are not very well connected. If they weren't supposed to, then the author should better find a smarter way to put them altogether, and if they were, then there must be a way to link them, to make a chain of facts and their meanings. Something like that.

At least, this is what I've noticed. Problems are not difficult to solve, but still not less important.

Speaking of good points, I will mention the author's idea to combine modern world with magic, which is always a nice way to make fantasy, as for me. Also I liked author's ability to dig deep inside teenagers and describe them, they seem quite realistic. And what I think of the dialogues... I havent's decided yet) They don't seem bad to me, as a matter of fact, but they lack something and I can't understand what.

Anyway, I hope the author will consider my comments and find them helpful.
Keep on writing!

Sincerely yours,
Drak.




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167 Reviews


Points: 3680
Reviews: 167

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Mon May 11, 2020 1:21 am
JesseWrites wrote a review...



Hey, I'm Jesse here to review.

GENERAL OPINION-

This concept is brilliant, but it is kind of simplistic. I've been there and done that. I see you put work into this, so I can't complain.

GRAMMAR AND SPELLING-

After all no one can blame him for what has happened.

It should be corrected to,
After all, no one can blame him for what has happened.


A perfect day for those who still wanted to maintained their tan skin without becoming a walking orange.


Correct to,
maintain


Easy fixes, so no worrying. It's fine.

PUNCTUATION-

None that I can view.

CHARACTERS-

I saw a photo at the beginning. That is a lovely idea. Never seen by my eyes. I look forward to more flowing ideas.

OTHER-

Oh yes… my sister hehe hehe hehe.


Kind of creepy. Not going to lie.

Goosebumps


No space needed.

SUGGESTIONS-

Keep reading up on stories. Your dialogue was unrealistic. Look above for my source as it is plain stalker-ish.

Farewell for now,
Jesse!





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