Published November 9, 2011
Love in the Rain
Outside the window
The weather is like your everchanging expressions
It is raining
Every teardrop I shed is yours
And then I see you
A thousand drops of rain
Represents my love for you
You fade into the distance
But I cannot stop looking
I wish the rain could never stop
I dont want the rainbow after
I only want you
You are so far away from me
But that isn't the greatest distance
It is only when I am right beside you
And you dont know that I love you
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141,490 Literary Works • 674,524 Reviews
Hi there, sweethearts.
Well, your poem is sweet, but it's kind of simple. I was wondering if you could think about writing this simple topic and turn it into something complex and more interesting. Something that attracts readers. Make them re-read it and analyze it. Like for example, take a simple noun and turn into more words. Like this: The dark was scaring me = The lack of light had me wide-eyed, shivering, while fear embraced my soul. That's not exactly the best example, and it's kind of dark... o.O Lol. But I think you get my point.
Keep writing!
~Solly<3
Greetings.
Just to start off, I thought this poem was interesting, but a little bland. I couldn't quite myself around the simple words that you used to describe your feelings. When writing, you want to put your emotions into your work. And I don't meant using big words, or descriptive words and mashing them all together and hoping that you'll get the point across. I mean really get into what you want to say and use words that you would use if you were describing your situation to someone. Here's a example.
You could have said something more about the rain, relate it to this lover that you're talking about. Talk more about the teardrops, it was so abrupt in the poem, I had to read each line probably 3 times before I got the gist of what you were trying to convey (or what I thought you were trying to convey). Description, even in the simplest form, is key. I don't want to give you an example of what you could have done, I want to leave the creativity to you and the interpretation of my words to your imagination.
Also, one last thing, triple check you spelling.
It should be "don't."
Hope this helps, sorry for the weird spacing, it's one of my quirks.
~the cat
Hello there,
I loved this poem .. its short sweet and to the point ... just how I mostly write!
The only fault I could find was how the poem is all one stanza ...
Try to seperate the lines into stanzas to make the piece more clear....
But appart from that it is an amazing piece of work .... I love the ending ... it really shows how thoughtful and deep ome people can be ... ;3
Lorna
xx