A great betrayal, the legend had marked,
And ever since then, a war had sparked.
He spoke of a prophecy that one, great day,
Five would come, the Sinisters they would slay.
But be warned, this is a cautionary tale,
Of how one would rise, and promptly fail.
The Gifted One, whose destiny is written,
Will not be able to stay hidden.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I like the prophecy! It seems mysterious. Update soon! Also, I like your lyrical and vivid way of writing, although you did make a few grammatical errors. Keep it up.
Okay, questionable, in a good way though.
I didn't notice anybody review this part that stuck out to me though.
I fee the and should be 'or'.
That's the only thing I saw. Oh wait, there is another part. You have 'The Gifted One', yet three lines up you have 'Five would come'. 'A prophecy that one,' -- You have that there as well but yet five would come?
This was interesting. It was a little vague though. Maybe you could add more lines or something, add more detail? Like, who does "He" in the third line? I thought it was a neat prologue that at least got me wanting to see more, but it'd be better if it were less vague.
Hey there, and welcome to YWS! cleverclogs here to review!
So this is an interesting prologue. I haven't seen many that are in poetry form. It's a very creative idea, and kind of reminds of the prologue in Romeo and Juliet prologue in how it tells me what the story is going to be about. A few suggestions:
1. Who is "he"? There haven't been any characters mentioned up until this point, so the "he" kind of comes out of nowhere. Is it supposed to be left vague?
2. I feel like the use of "great" is out of place here, like you only used it to make the rhythm sound better. It did work in that regard, but as a consequence, it sounds awkwardly worded. I'd recommend finding another word that's not quite so awkward, or another phrase entirely. I'm thinking something like, "He spoke of a prophecy that foretold a day" or something along those lines.
Hmm, this is interesting. This time, I can tell that the nature of the "Sinisters" is meant to be vague. Now, you've created a mystery that makes the reader want to keep reading, so good job! You've definitely piqued my interest here.
The last four lines are very confusing to me.
So is this "one" that you mentioned in the second line one of the five in the prophecy from earlier? Or is it unrelated? I have the same question about the "Gifted One". With these last four lines, you sort of diverge from everything else that's in the prologue. It becomes too vague. I want to know what happens, sure, but only because I have no clue what's going on in those last four lines. I feel like they're intended to sound pretty instead of furthering the prologue and having it make sense to the reader. They don't mean a whole lot to me. I'd suggest revising this so that it fits the rest of your prologue, but still makes the reader want to keep reading.
From this prologue, I feel like the novel will be a fantasy novel with a Chosen One having to fight off evil things called the Sinisters. That's what I can pick out from this. It may be more involved than that, but I can't really tell right now.
Overall, I liked the boldness of having a poem for your prologue, but it could use some work. Keep on writing!