Published February 12, 2010
I am in it, is like the heaven of god it is
World in mind is mine ‘I’ the creator of it.
God in me gave gift to made it, as I begged from him
I am happy, have ecstasy as if I am in heaven of mine
But what happening now, the time changing his position
And making me restless, rough from every portion
He the mind now become uncontrollable like scare lion
I become the slave of his thinking as I was
The end come and I will win again
And the destiny will change again.
World in mind is mine
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141,415 Literary Works • 674,394 Reviews
Thanx for your comments.
Yeah, I gotta go with Winie on this one. The longer lines are a little more difficult to read, and makes it feel somewhat clumped.
If I had to pick a favorite part...
There's just something pleasant about this line, just because any reader will be able to have their own image of what heavenly ecstasy is.
Have a lucky day!
Hmmm. I didn't really get the message you were trying to cross... then again, maybe it's just me.
Well, I rather enjoyed reading this! However, I would enjoy it even more if the lines aren't so long! I would rewrite it like this:
PM me if you need anything!
winie*