Published November 4, 2009
sometimes like threads twined...
sometimes like clouds mapping skies;
sometimes when its raining and I am soakin wet..
sometimes when its shining and I am hot in heads;
sometimes with thunderless sparks in smile..
sometimes cold stoic purposeless like floating ice;
sometimes in the blanket of dark riding imagination's tide..
sometimes in the openness of light scattered in thoughts like the day's sight;
sometimes by the damp shores battered by waves pouring stories of uncharted climes.
. sometimes by the sands, shifting and shaping its world everytime;
sometimes with the gust of air that breathes in me life..
sometimes with the pleasant whiff that entices me to smile;
I feel you nestling in my arms.. the scent of yours overwhelming every reason..
the beats of your heart bringing symphony in season and out of season..
the love of yours always remain with me ...
hey life its my only condition... [b]
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141,424 Literary Works • 674,403 Reviews
Zerkk basically covered what I was going to say. Please do not post in all bold; not only is it unneeded, it is quite irritating to the eyes to have to read the whole thing in bold print. Try just to use bold to empathize. Other than that, its fairly ok. I cannot wait for the revised edit, maybe I will see it in a different sense then.
Okay. I can see that one. I was reading it scratching my head, not because it was bad. NO. because i am a different writer than you are. That's all. But what i got from that is the affection of lovers. a discriptive term, maybe drawln out just a bit, but for a reason. a good reason at the end. Like a good meal you delivered the ending. an ending that was worth the wait of your discriptions. very well done (and i cant spell. im sorry)
Hello Supreet159 I shall review your poem today.
First off, may I suggest posting your pieces in regular font, not all bold, it makes for an unsightly work and just isn't necessary.
Second, Your title for the post is spelled incorrectly, proper spelling and grammar is a must.
Now on the the poem.
To be perfectly honest I began to lose interest after the first two: "Sometimes"
Maybe removing most of them, would give a better flow to the story, it just seems very overwhelming.
I believe that random period should be deleted.
Another thing I noticed is the ellipses are only two periods, ellipses should be three periods.
All in all I didn't mind your poem, I'm not a big fan of love poems but your word play is very elegant.
With all this in mind I hope it helps and I cannot wait for a revised edit of this poem
If you have any questions please feel free to PM me
-Zerkk