Young Writers Society

I really enjoyed that

It sends a good message and it's a very clever and very interesting poem to read. I especially like your writing style.

I also like it becasue it wasn't another depressing poem and it was something that made me feel nice when I read it. (I know I'm weird) It made me feel very hopefull and positive. Well done!

I would agree with some of the people that you could have used different words in some places but except for that I can't see any obvious faults in it.

Overall it was a very well written poem and I can't wait to read some more of your work!

Keep writing

Meg x-x

Hmm I like the idea of the recognition that the voice was yours, but why title it "her voice" ?

Okay, the ending was a little long, but all in all I like the message. I didn't get the "A voice that turned into a million voices," part. Do you mean a million different lessons, or maybe that you lost your own voice in everyone else story? Just straighten that all out
and it all will make sense. I enjoyed reading it, but for the sake of feedback, perhaps
you should let everyone try and figure out the message. Thank you for letting everyone
read it!
-catfood

Crysi's critiquing again? What? Oh snap!

superboii57 wrote:Life:

I guess all it took was a simple voice,
A voice that turned into a million voices,
And guided the world beyond its imagination.

It unleashed the silence and showed me reality.
I then, took a new look at life and began to walk through it;
Like I was reading my favorite book.
Only in life; there’s never an ending chapter.

My thoughts became words,
My words became actions,
My actions became habits,
My habits became character,
And that character is what created me.

As I watched myself walk past all the mistakes I’ve made, I than realized, they weren’t just mistakes they were lessons too, and at that very moment as I stopped to think I realized the voice was mine all along.

(This poem basically is about how I heard a voice in my head telling/guiding me how to move on and succeed in life, and in the end I finally realize that voice wasn’t just any voice but it was my very own; hope you enjoy)

Wow. Nice poem! Lets get to work;

I guess all it took was a simple voice,
A voice that turned into a million voices,
And guided the world beyond its imagination.

It unleashed the silence and showed me reality.
I then, took a new look at life and began to walk through it;
Like I was reading my favorite book.
Only in life; there’s never an ending chapter.

My thoughts became words,
My words became actions,
My actions became habits,
My habits became character,
And that character is what created me.

My thoughts became words,
My words became actions,
My actions became habits,
My habits became character,
And that character is what created me.

As I watched myself walk past all the mistakes I’ve made, I than realized, they weren’t just mistakes they were lessons too, and at that very moment as I stopped to think I realized the voice was mine all along.

(This poem basically is about how I heard a voice in my head telling/guiding me how to move on and succeed in life, and in the end I finally realize that voice wasn’t just any voice but it was my very own; hope you enjoy)

I think that was very interesting and that it was very reasonably smart/clever that you would use a personal experience. That way no one can correct you on the information that you put into it because no one can have seen it exactly as you had to correct it. Although I must say it was phinominal you might want to correct it a bit more because you put the word than in the poem when you clearly meant then.

Hello.

superboii57 wrote:Life:
I guess all it took was a simple voice,
A voice that turned into a million voices,
And guided the world beyond its imagination. guided the world beyond its imagination? confusing line. rephrase this. although the top two lines are great as a start of a poem. they're very strong.

It unleashed the silence and showed me reality.unleash silence? and showed you reality? silence and reality are words that relate very mildly. since you used an 'and' conjunction to connect the two phrases perhaps it should be connected. there doesn't seem to be a connectionn between unleashing silence and seeing reality. silence isn't exactly a fit here.
I than, took a new look at life and began to walk through it; perhaps you mean "I then"
Like I was reading my favorite book.
Only in life; there’s never an ending chapter. I find it lovely how first you used walking as a way of going through life and then you revert to comparing it to reading a book right after. It's really pretty.

My thoughts became words,
My words became actions,
My actions became into habits, [b]this should be "My actions became habits"
My habits became character,
And that character is what created me.

As I watched myself walk past all the mistakes I’ve made, I than realized, they weren’t just mistakes they were lessons too, and at that very moment as I stopped to think I realized the voice was mine all along.

(This poem basically is about how I heard a voice in my head telling/guiding me how to move on and succeed in life, and in the end I finally realize that voice wasn’t just any voice but it was my very own; hope you enjoy)

Welcome to YWS, once again. I'm Colt. I'm kind of new too, so yay us!

I don't know if it was meant, but the first verse kind of stands out because it's a line shorter than the other two verses.

I than, took a new look at life and began to walk through it; (This is kind of weird, needs to be rephrased)

Only in life; there’s never an (ending) chapter. (Take the parentheses out please. I wouldn't use them, especially in poetry)

Fourth verse: My...became, my...became, my...became, my...became.......there's some repetition and parallel structure. Good job!


I liked the piece, just remember to keep up with the 2:1 ratio rule

six
Welcome to YWS superboii57, here we have a rule that for every piece you post you must review two pieces. That might be why you have no reviews on this piece yet. Anyway, I'm going to do a small critique for you, then you can go away, do six reviews, seeing as I've seen a few poems of yours posted, and then I'll come back and do a long review, okay? So let's start the small review:

Life:

I guess all it took was a voice,

A voice that turned into a million,

And guided the world beyond its imagination.

It unleashed the silence and showed me reality.

I than, took a new look at life and began to walk through it;

Like I was reading my favorite book.

Only in life; there’s never an (ending) chapter.

My thoughts became words,

My words became actions,

My actions became into habits,

My habits became character,

And that character is what created me.



As I watched myself walk past all the mistakes I’ve made, I than realized, they weren’t just mistakes they were lessons too, and at that very moment as I stopped to think I realized the voice was mine all along.