Psychic Power

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[July 10/11 Home Saturday]

I lay down on my front lawn and gazed into the sky.The solar Eclipes was ten minates away from starting and as it started I felt something happen. I had never felt anything like this before first it was flash of intence heat then cold freeze.Then it was my body feeling heavy and started to sinking in to the ground slowly then everything went black.

[July 11/11 Home Sunday]

I woke up in my bed room with a warm glow from the sunlight on my face.I heard the sound of foot steps lighty pudding up the stairs."Wake up Katie!,we are off to the river today you promised me we would goso get up" my bestfriend Emma shouted.

     "Ok give me a second to get rmy  bikini and towl then I'll be down and we can go" I said rolling over. After finally waking up a little i walked over to the closet to see what I had. After looking I picked a green one and grabed a blue towl then set off down the stairs.When I got to the kitchen where I know Emma would be drinking some Apple juice. "Ok I'm ready to go are you?" She asked.

     "Yes but can we stop at the corner store first and get some things?" I asked.

"Ok, but you are driving" she shouted from the front door.

  I grabed my keys and should into the house " Mom I'm going to the river with Emma I'll be back later bye."

[Car]

I get into the car and  somthing made me look at the bay window where i found  my mother talking on the phone looking worried.I just ignor it for  if it was importent i think she would have told me something so I back out of the driveway. Then started to head to the corner store but when I rounded the corner I slamed on the brakes.Emma  looked at me in shock  "what are you doing  you could have killed us."

      "There was a black dog there" I said well pointing at the spot where i saw the dog when I braked.

 Emma's face turned into shock the dog that I saw was standing right in front of the car where it was before "see I'm not crazy."

[River]

When I got to the river their where a lot of people I know  from school but tothers where back from collage for the week. I noticed at the corner of my eye a boy sitting at the edge of the forest watching me for some reason.I turn to Emma and ask "do you know who that guy is  pointing  at the  forest." 

   "I don't know  iI think he just came to town yesturday, Tom told me this morning" she said.

[Car/River]

" That was a fun tim. How about we get going?"Emma asked me.

  "Ok just let me grab my towl and i'll meet you at the car" I awsered.

 "Ok" then haed to the car well i walked to my towl and picked it up.

I looked around and the same creeper guy was still watching me but i just innored it and went to the car.I began to start the car to take Emma home and me away from the creeper guy.

[July 12/11 Home  Monday]

I woke up and slowly dragged myself out of bed  and  changed into a white tamk top and some short shorts.I started to head down stair when i heard my mother talking to someone and she has not had any one at the house since dad died. So I slowed down and peaked my head into the kitchen. I was shocked by who I saw sitting at my dinner table. It was the creepy guy from the river, sitting in my kitchen talking to my mother."Who are you and why are you in my house!" I shouted well stomping into my kitchen thinking about riping his head off.

    " my name is cloe chase and your mother has sent for me last nightthats why I'm here" he said calmly.

I turn to my mother  in disbelief "how could you send a creeper after me and more inportent why?"

"She sent me because you are born on a leap year day and only special people. Some are given power because of it and since your mother is a psychic you are one too, but 10 times more powerful" he said.

"What are you talking about my mother is not a psychic  and  I was born on the 28th not the 29th. Right mom?" I  said looking hopful it was not true.

Then I heard a voice inside my head "If you can hear me it is to katie" I was so shocked I could not do anything

[July 26/11 bed]

Dear Diary

The past week has been horrid my powers is getting stronger and  Cole has been helping a lot with controlling it.Then there is mom telling me the real family history like how some of them have  been famous oracles of delphi.

I re-read what I had written down in the diary and was pleased with it I close it and hid it  my pillow. Then I close my eyes and message  Cole I'm ready to  train.

"Hello im ready to train just have to eat breakfast and meet you in the forest" I wisper quietly with my mind.

"Ok be quick i have some thing to show you i think you will like it" he answers.

[Forest]

I walk to the meeting place their I something diffrent  and this when i see someone who is not Cole standing there with ther back to me."Um.... are you lost" I say the stranger then he turns around.

"No, I was looking for someone and it looks like Ifound her" he smiles.

I start to back upbut I hit somthing. when I turn around there is nothing there it was like glass that you can't see.

"No girly thats my powers at work" he said.

"Why are you doing this to me" I scream.

  "I'm here to take your curse away so you can have a normal life dont you want that?" he asked.

now that i think about it Emma has been to scared to talk to me now and because half my family are psychic they know how powerful i am and don't want to be close to me.

"So how would this workgiveing you my power?" I asked.

"You only have to say a chantand it is all gone."

"What is the chant?" I ask.

"the chant is...."

Gods I give my power to Drake Redblood for all my life.

So i say the chant but when I  get to saying Drakes name I hear a noise from the bushes. I turned and say Cole."I won'y let you do this again!" he shouted .He ran at Drake and plunged a knife into Drakes chest then I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my chest. I dropped and feel into a dark abyss where at the end there was a light and when i went throw it my father was there waiting for me. Now I know where I was  i know there was no going back so far i was never going to be normal at any time now.

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User avatar
manisha
Review
manisha wrote a review · Sun Jun 24, 2012 1:45 pm

you really really should re read it. There are just too many mistakes most of them typos.

[Car]

I get into the car and somthing made me look at the bay window where i found my mother talking on the phone looking worried.I just ignor it for if it was importent i think she would have told me something so I back out of the driveway. Then started to head to the corner store but when I rounded the corner I slamed on the brakes.Emma looked at me in shock "what are you doing you could have killed us."
"There was a black dog there" I said well pointing at the spot where i saw the dog when I braked.
Emma's face turned into shock the dog that I saw was standing right in front of the car where it was before "see I'm not crazy."

ignor- ignore
i should be capitalized
importent- important.
"what are you doing, you could have killed us. (a comma.)
"There was a black dog there" I said well pointing at the spot where i saw the dog when I braked.

there was a black dog there! (exclamatory mark)
well pointing?? what does that mean?
the whole sentence is messed up.
When I got to the river their where a lot of people I know from school but tothers where back from collage for the week. I noticed at the corner of my eye a boy sitting at the edge of the forest watching me for some reason.I turn to Emma and ask "do you know who that guy is pointing at the forest."
"I don't know iI think he just came to town yesturday, Tom told me this morning" she said.

when I got to the river THERE WERE a lot of people from school I knew but others "back from college"??? and its college. for a week. I noticed FROM the corner of my eye a sitting at the edge of the forest watching me. I turn to Emma and ask "do you know who that guy is?" . And pointing is rude. Why does she have to point.
"i dont know. (full stop) I think he came to town yesterday"
Humm.. why dont you give it a read. It would certainly refine the story.

User avatar
Love
Review
Love wrote a review · Sun Jun 24, 2012 12:29 am

I fear that this appears to be one of the pieces that can be dissected line by line... So, let's begin.

[July 10/11 Home Saturday]

Not only did you misspell 'Eclipse', but it is not supposed to be capitalized.

'minates' is also misspelled (minutes).

The second sentence is also a little too fast and bland. You should insert a comma there, and add details.

Same goes for the second line, although this is worse... It makes little sense, for you did not use punctuation appropriately and just skipped through the thing.

Are you serious... Please, forgive me, but it just feels that these mistakes can not have been possibly made by accident... They are just a little too simple...

The third line is probably the worst. 'and started to sinking'? Did you even read over this? Indeed, not only are there such simple mistakes, but this is just too short...

Even for a diary entry, this is very undetailed. If you want your readers to feel any emotions or be impressed, then you should certainly expand this thing, for otherwise they might not have enough time to feel much, and your quick description renders the things unimportant.

[July 11/11 Home Sunday]

'Bedroom' is one word.

'THE warm...' should have been much better.

'Footsteps' is also only supposed to be one word.

Where did you get "'pudding" up the stairs' from? :D Pudding is a desert. I saw no other definition.

'Katie!, w'... There are so many things wrong with this, as I see it... Remove the comma and capitalize the 'w' in 'we'.

Wait... 'goso'???

(by the way, the dialogue should probably have started from a new line)

'second to get "rmy" bikini...' Oh, the typos. You forgot to read over this. Not only is there a phantom 'r' glued to 'my', but there are two spaces between the words... Did you use Notepad for this or something?

'I said, rolling over.' - so should it be. Notice the comma.

An uncapitalized 'i'...

'towl' should be 'towel'...

Ok... Please forgive me, but I can not continue... There are just too many mistakes with this, and it makes me too uneasy... It is like reading something that I wrote four years ago... No offence intended. If you were to expand this thing, fix all of the small errors and then write on my wall, then I would happily return and review the rest, but this is just a little too painful... Sorry.



You are strong enough to conquer this day and the rest of your life.
— Atticus