Chapter 1: Welcome to Willow Creek
Serena stared out the window, her headphones slipped on. The rain pattered gently against the window, the trees swaying in the wind, their branches shaking in every gust. A misty fog hung low over the earth, thick and soft, as if the earth was being swallowed by gray, the car’s engine hummed quietly beneath her, almost like a soothing presence. But, despite the calmness of the ride, a heaviness pressed down on her chest.
She gripped the necklace around her neck, the cool shark tooth brushed her palm. Her fingers tightened, clinging to the only memory of her mother she had left. Her lips trembled as she bit down, trying to hold back the wave of emotions threatening to crash over her. But the tears found their way, slipping down her cheeks, no matter how hard she fought them.
A warm hand rested gently on her thigh. She turned, her Aunt May’s soft eyes meeting hers, a faint smile on her lips. It was a smile that was meant to bring comfort to her, to assure Sere that everything would be okay. But it only made Serena want to turn away even more. Her Aunt’s face was filled with sympathy, but it also reminded Sere that she would never see her mother again.
Two weeks. It had been two weeks since her mother's death, but it felt like it had only happened yesterday. The burial was small, brief. Serena had stayed in the back corner, tears flowing freely, her heart torn apart. People tried to comfort her, but nothing worked. Nothing could fill the hollow ache left behind.
She remembered the slow, steady decline her mother had gone through over the past few months. The cancer had stolen her mother’s vitality piece by piece. From the strong, vibrant woman she used to know, her mother had become a pale, frail shell person. Her hair had fallen out in patches, her skin taking on a sickly hue. The vibrant woman Serena once knew had been swallowed by the illness, leaving only a fragile, unfamiliar stranger behind.
And now, she was here — moving away from everything she had known, from Toronto, from her life with her mother. Moving to Willow Creek with her Aunt May.
She glanced up, her eyes catching a billboard. Bold, bright letters stood out against the backdrop of misty woods and small, charming cottages.
‘WELCOME TO WILLOW CREEK!’
Sere’s gaze lingered on the sign, her heart sank. She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want this new life. Her mother was gone and nothing would ever be the same again.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hello sunslurp,
You set up the setting very well. I am intrigued in this Willow's Creek and how it will be related to the mother and Aunt May. World building is related to character, so in your next chapters, keep this in mind for describing the settings. Also the character of Serena in relation to her mom and her aunt will need to connect to the Willow's Creek. I believe this story has lots of potential. I look forward to the following chapter's development. Find the time to work on it.
Thank you so much
I really enjoyed the story being told here! It really reminded me of my own character, Esteban. My only real gripe is that the text often shifts between past and present tense - which I often do by accident. But if you're not doing it intentionally, I suggest going back and making sure that the language is consistent with whichever tense you want to use.
I didn't even notice, but thank you!
Ah okay, the italics are a running theme, I see!
Hmmm I find it a bit odd that you switch between Sere and Serana in narration without good reason. If you just want to avoid the repetition, there are other ways to do that (and yes, just writing “she” a lot does work! But maybe it’s also a sign that you want to structure your sentences differently so you can bring more descriptions and need to rely less on constantly repeating the main character’s name.
I like how you structure the chapter. I feel like this is exactly how it should go, that everything is in its place.
It is very short though and feels more like a prologue. I do like what you have and I think you show Serena’s emotional state very well!
In today's shotgun of reviews, let me say that this is definitely a nice series. That's it. I have nothing else to say. Otherwise, I would just keep telling you how nice your stories are. It definitely has the potential to gain viewers in the long run, and is building a fanbase successfully. I hope you do develop this potential, so as to also develop your skills.
On to writing preferences. I'd say you need to add more dialogue. It just feels empty that Serena doesn't say anything at all throughout this story. Even monologues help when describing a person's feelings. To speak is to express your emotion, and describe the importance of your voice. You also might want to ask random people about their reading preferences from time to time.
But, stories like this do help with discovering other methods of writing. Sure, it's not the classic everything-has-to-be-balanced building scheme, but something more centered and focused. Like poetry, but it's a story. Experimenting is in fact a key part of discovery. Who knows, maybe you'll discover a new type of combination that people will like!
One final note, just keep cooking. Cook up this series like never before. It would be a personal honor of mine to have seen the first steps of making this series. Thank you for reading this, have a good day, and cheers!