Serena wiped the tears from her eyes, her hands trembling as she sat up in bed. The memory of her mother’s touch, the illusion that happened a few moments ago, stuck to her like a shadow. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself.
With a heavy sigh, Serena pushed herself off the bed and made her way downstairs. It felt strange to wake up in this house—strange to walk down the stairs and step into the kitchen, where Aunt May and a boy with a cookie tray stood laughing and talking.
The boy turned toward Serena, his light brown eyes meeting hers with quiet curiosity. His shoulder-length hair, a soft cascade of chestnut waves, framed his face in an easy, effortless way, as though the morning air had shaped it. A few strands hung over his forehead, giving him that just-woke-up look.
Aunt May shifted her gaze to Serena, a soft smile on her face. “Oh! You’re finally awake.”
Serena paused, her fingers slightly at her sides. The kitchen's warmth clashed with the coldness still clinging to her chest.
“I didn’t mean to sleep that long,” she muttered, eyes flicking away from the boy.
“It’s okay,” she said, then added with a gentle motion toward the boy. “Anyway, this is Lucian. Lucian this is Serena.”
Lucian’s lips curved into a gentle smile.. “Hi,” he said softly.
“Hi,” Serena said, her voice as tender as his.
Lucian stepped forward, holding out the tray of cookies. The warm smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies filled the air, making Serena’s stomach flutter — a small, unexpected comfort.
“Want one?” he asked, his voice casual but kind, as if offering a simple peace offering.
Serena hesitated for a moment. She didn’t know if she was ready to take anything from him. Her stomach felt hollow, and the last thing she wanted to do was eat. But his offer felt like a gentle nudge back to reality, a subtle invitation to be present.
Her eyes flicked between the tray and Aunt May, who was watching her with patient eyes. Serena took a slow breath before reaching out and taking one of the cookies. It was warm, soft, and comforting in a way she hadn’t expected.
“Thanks,” she mumbled, her voice barely above a whisper.
Lucian nodded, the gentle smile never leaving his face. “No problem. My mom makes the best cookies around here. She’s got a secret recipe.”
Serena bit into the cookie, the sweetness momentarily distracting her from the storm brewing inside her. She could feel her fingers trembling as she held the cookie, but she tried to push it down.
“I’ve lived here my whole life,” Lucian continued, leaning casually against the counter. “Been through a lot of changes around here. Willow Creek’s small, but it’s home. For what it’s worth, people don’t forget the little things, the stuff that makes this place feel like... well, home.”
Serena met his gaze briefly, intrigued despite herself. His tone was light, almost as if he were trying to ease some of the tension in the room. He seemed to be speaking from experience, like he understood what it felt like to have things change around you.
“I’ll bet you’ve seen a lot of people come and go then,” she said, the words slipping out before she could stop them. She immediately regretted them, not wanting to seem like she was prying.
Lucian’s smile softened a little, and he nodded. “Yeah. A few. Some leave by choice. Others... not so much.”
Serena’s chest tightened at the way he said that, as if there were a story hidden behind his words, a story Serena wasn’t sure she was ready to hear. But something in his eyes—something quiet and understanding—made her feel like maybe he wasn’t the type to push too hard. Maybe there was a sliver of something she could trust here.
Aunt May, sensing the shift in the conversation, gave Serena a warm smile. “Why don’t you show Serena around, Lucian? I’ll finish up in here.”
Lucian’s eyes flickered to Aunt May, and he gave a small nod. “Sure. I’ll give you the grand tour.” He glanced back at Serena, his tone turning playful. “It’s a pretty small town, so the tour won’t take long, but I’ll try to make it interesting.”
Serena smiled gently. Maybe–just maybe—Lucian could make the thought of everything feel a little less… scary.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Hello, Hello, I'm MothNBone, but you could call me Moth if you wish. Regardless, I hope that my review may be some help or, at the very least, some encouragement to continue this interesting little series. I also hope that school has at the very least calmed down for you enough to return to this lovely site, but that's not here, nor there, I guess. What I can control is the fact that I'm here to deliver a macabre moth-themed review. Without further ado, let's get into it, shall we?
The Flame: What Drew Me In.
I feel it's important to highlight the fact that this isn't my normal genre. However, the setting being called Willow Creek, felt like it fit plenty of types of drama depending on what exact flavour of plot it was coated in. Allthough I am not generally a contemporary romance fan, I must say it reminds me of those teen shows revolving around small towns and cozy coming of age plots and that can be one of my occasional guilty pleasures. What can I say, sometimes you want to watch pepole be messy set against mom and pop shops that seemingly never close.
Even though I dont have the context of the last three chapters, I did find the opening interesting. You did a good job of portraying how the MC feels in what seems to be the aftermath of some kind of death. This does give the Mc lots of room to explore not only the town alongside the reader but her feelings of anger and grief. I bring this up becuse I feel a lot of younger writers or newish writers in general tend to focus on plot events and perhaps at times ignore the emotional arcs that should serve as the throughline. Despite my just jumping in, I could understand the basics and picture possible reasons for her mother's passing that may affect the plot. It also serves as an interesting hook, as the haunting dream makes the reader want to empathize with her, while also laying out the possibility that she may need to overcome that grief later.
The style, much like other reviewers have said, was very engaging and flowed very well. Everything was easy to digest, which is helpful for folks like me who just pop in, but it also ensured that the transitions from one plot point to the next were smooth, ultimately feeling natural. This adds a further layer of immersion since the prose wasn't really tripping me up and taking me out of the experience. A lot of authors, including myself, can at times struggle with just that, so I feel I must give props to it when I see it. However, I do have a few recommendations in my next part that might make things pop.
Overall, I am so, so sorry this has been sitting in the green room so unfairly long. This work does give off such a gentle, welcoming energy, which I thought would be a hit during autumn and winter. Likewise, it's not confusing plot-wise wise something that can often lead to later chapters getting stuck in her for awhile. Plus it has some nice character writing that I feel grows in skill the more you write. I do not mean that as an insult I think this novel shows a lot of potential that will increase the more and more you play with the basics of writing. Something you're well on your way to grasping in full, I feel.
The Cacoon: What Has Room For Improvement.
Now, with my first impressions and general thoughts out of the way, comes every writer's least or most favourite part critique. However, you do not have to fear much as this will likely be on the shorter side. With that being said, I must say everything should be taken with a grain of salt, as I am not a professional, and you are free to take it or leave it.
The biggest thing I feel I must bring up is the length. Even though this is an easy read, it feels a bit short, like this isn't a full chapter. Rather, this feels more like the start of a chapter or a scene that should be worked into a more fleshed-out one. I do not know what others here have said in regards to pacing or update length, but you have a lot of wiggle room to work with before you scare readers on yws off. My advice would be to not only expand on the prose but perhaps loop in a few more events in this chapter. If you want to keep them agreeing to go on a walk as the ending, perhaps you could add in a moment where she tries to pull herself togther or distract herself by pacing her room/ if she hasn't already tried to unpack her room. What I am trying to say is dont force yourself to hit a word count, but do not be afraid to cut up chapters here into multiple parts.
My second bit of feedback is more due to my taste. However, I do wish there were a bit more description both of the setting and the character's body language. It could add more to the characters if we can see how they decorate or how the weather may reflect on their feelings. Likewise, using metaphors to help aid in showing how the characters feel could be pushed a lot more. You use the metaphor of a storm, but I would love to see things like her slick palms feeling more like fresh ice. This would help add a sense of vivdness to the prose without having to take away from the easy reading. Furthermore, I feel like you could capitalize more on sensory notes. After all, you have such a warm energy to the writing, adding in things like the cookies smelling like vanilla or the bed sheets being soft against her skin would make it pop.
Lastly, I feel like some of the em dashes were overused and thus did trip me up a tad. However, I dont know where or how exactly to fix it. So, for now, it may be just a thing to keep in mind going forward.
The Final Bites and Fluttering Wings: Wrapping Up My Thoughts.
I did think this was very cute, first taste into the novel you're writing here. It makes me wonder if this is the start of a fun friendship or perhaps the smitten makings of a meetcute. Regardless, I did want more of the two's interactions and to see the town. There's so much that can happen, and what I have to guess is a whole cast to meet. I wonder if they will come across trouble or if her final thoughts here will be true. That, however, will just have to wait until you can return, but for now, I must say you did a good job! In the meantime, I just have to say keep writing and remember to drink water!
Hi Hello! I have come for works in the Green Room and now it is your turn :3
Interesting that the entire chapter is in italics. Makes me think that we’re dealing with a flashback!
Love this description: “as though the morning air had shaped it.”
Ah maybe think abt rephrasing this to avoid repetition? “as if offering a simple peace offering.”
I like how … light and easy your story feels. Like the descriptions are well placed, and I’m super immersed. It flows so effortlessly. It almost feels ethereal, that story. Oh I’m so intrigued by this!
I really like how Serena slowly warmed to Lucian. That was well described. Also I enjoyed both their personalities :3
Really like the last line of the chapter, to hammer everything home. Thank you for sharing this :3
Serena is facing the memory of her mother, and her current life is no longer the same.tunnel rush She is struggling to stay calm and integrate with her surroundings, especially when faced with strangers like Lucian and Aunt May. Loneliness, confusion, and not belonging here are strong emotions throughout the story.