Hi Sugar,
Well I agree with Lily that you have a refreshing vocabulary. But I also agree that this poem has no meaning whatsoever. It's lines wrapped around nothing but air, so when the reader picks through your lines to get the deeper message, they end up with nothing.
Quite unsatisfying for such well knit words.
If you have a message in mind, that you feel you buried into this poem, you buried it too deep and drifted away from it through the poem. For example the closest possibility I can get too is a very vague message about lust. But really that message is too vague and simple.
When you get and idea, you want to get to the core, then carefully wrap it to create layers to a poem. Otherwise it collapses onto itself.
You have the right idea, you just missed a step really. Keep working at it.
Kamas
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