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Prologue – The City of The Waning Moon
The ashy, pale clouds hovered like gigantic ghosts over the town’s evening sky. The feverish sun have long set and gone, but the warmth which it had radiated through the day remained in the breeze which swept over the blankets of good children who were now fast asleep, keeping them in a warm embrace.
The Moon displayed the mysticism of its gentle, silvery rays. It rose high, high up to the peak of the heavens, casting a striking reflection of light on the sleepy ocean. Little by little, the first stars came to sight.
The ghostly clouds have melted away, but wisps of them – misty tendrils of curled whitish puffs – circled the twinkling masses. The Moon seemed to smile down at the townsfolk, with two stars hovering at the corners of its waning visage; like two bright eyes over a curled, sly, grin.
A small, mischievous presence was watching them from afar - how far exactly no one did know – from farther the edges of the tranquil meadow, farther than the richest farmer’s vast corn fields, and farther than the abundant pastures of golden wheat located at the outskirts of their small community. It is somewhere far, far away indeed. The creature is perched upon the very Moon itself.
Taking delight in the peacefulness of the sleepy town’s inhabitants, she brewed a special gift.
Blowing off a little bit of stardust and mixing it with the moisture of the softest, most delicate clouds, she weaved a wisp of happiness.
With a little bit of magic, she blessed the wisp with mystique; concentrating each in every drop of the forming liquid.
With the remaining essence of sunlight, she dashed in a pinch of warmth and radiance. With a stray clover, she made it fragrant with luck.
With oak leaves she provided strength, and with a feather of an agile Kingfisher, she gilded it with swiftness.
Only one drop of the elixir was exalted with the Moon’s own silvery beams, casting a sapphire-like glow onto its translucent blue demeanor.
The Goddess divided the liquid into seven, equally hefty amount of drops – each of them round and wobbly and shimmery – and set them into a little glass flask. She kept it in one of the nearest craters in sight.
“By the next star shower,” says she, “I will rain these star drops down as gifts for those who have given me bliss. I hope they take good care,” The drops shone in their flask. Their creator grinned. She threw back her head and laughed heartily. “I do hope so very much.”
Her nameless form disappeared into the dark without a trace.
It was a peaceful evening, like it always was.
This is the town of Retroscena.
Out of the lush green of the seven thousand isles in Galactaxia, this town was the pinnacle of beauty.
Retroscena’s skies are always bright and breezy, the weather rarely even harsh; providing the people with much sunlight and good weather to work, dawdle and play under.
Lush shores surround its deep, azure seas; all teeming with fish, coral and other exquisite underwater wildlife. Vast fields of verdant forests and fruitful farmlands are found abundantly everywhere. Commerce is always productive, and tourists from all over the country pay huge amounts of money in the sheer want of getting to witness Retroscena’s splendor.
“It is the town where angels land and take refuge,” the old townies would say. “It is a reflection of another world, a city beyond the stars and the clouds and the whole of the sky, Retroscena’s twin; the city of the waning moon.”
“The passageway, or the Gate, opens only during the tenth and a half of a year, and closes again after three days. Watch out for the alignment of the planets. The Opening signals the dawn of Chaos, the god of the Twin, to take over Retroscena’s most powerful Runes, Crevasse de Claire de Lune Magique. It will be the ruin of our whole world. The Gate will resurrect again the following year, at the very same time as it had before. It will then be resealed, only to open once more in another thousand years, and all we could ever do is wait in vain for salvation that would never come…”
And for so long did one wait for it to open again.
And open it did.
Way to much description, and your story is a bit confusing. I understand that it is a prologue, but you need to make it a little more interesting. I bet that if you clean it up a bit and keep writing, then this will be an amazing peice of work. I like your description, keep it up, just don't use it so much. Read Christopher Paolini's books, they use little description, and are still very amazing, let people use there imagination, because the readers imagination, is the writers best tool.
Also, on a more positive note, I loved the story, and I'm looking forward to reading more, never stop writing.
Although it will be redundant and hypocritical(since I'm a description maniac), I will once again point out the amount of description. It's not all bad, but there might be a bit more than necessary, even though it does paint a lovely picture.
The rest of this should just be grammar:
"The feverish sun have long set and gone, but the warmth which it had radiated through the day remained in the breeze which swept over the blankets of good children "
1. This should either be has or had, depending on your tense, which you need to settle
2. I suggest putting a comma between these two words, it makes that sentence flow more smoothly
"misty tendrils of curled whitish puffs "
Maybe off-white instead of whiteish, although you could leave it be, this just happens to be a pet peeve of mine, sorry.
"equally hefty amount of drops "
This just doesn't flow correctly, it's almost redunant. 'Equally heafty' or 'equally amounted' would both be appropriate.
"She kept it in one of the nearest crater"
1.Because there is more than one drop, thsi should be 'them'
2.Because you said "one of", that implies several, so this should be plural
As a last note, I'm just curious, when the Goddess put in the several ingrediants for the drops, did you look up the symbolism attached to those items, or did you go from your own impression of them?
It's really good! It's very descriptive, but it didn't detract from the story that much, and after all, it's the beginning, and in the beginning, a lot of affairs need to be set in order for the reader to understand. So I think that the description really isn't a problem, in fact, it was better that way because it really helped me visualize the story more. All in all, I find it very interesting and I'm curious to see what happens. 
~time8keeper
Heya there Sugar Snow!
The Moon displayed the mysticism of its gentle, silvery rays.
The people were bewitched by the sight.
Little did they know, a small, mischievous presence was watching them from afar - how far exactly no one did know – from farther the edges of the tranquil meadow, farther than the richest farmer’s vast corn fields, and farther than the abundant pastures of golden wheat located at the outskirts of their small community.
Taking delight in the peacefulness of the sleepy town’s inhabitants, she brewed a special gift.
It is somewhere far, far away indeed. The creature is perched upon the very Moon itself.
“By the next star shower,” says she, “I will rain these star drops down as gifts for those who have given me bliss. I hope they take good care,” The drops shone in their flask.
Retroscena’s skies are always bright and breezy, the weather rarely even harsh; providing the people with much sunlight and good weather to work, dawdle and play under.
Hey! I'm Robin (ignore my screen name) and I'm reviewing you! Oh ya, really since I suck at spelling I'm not pointing stuff out like that, just plot.
OK well, when I first started reading I was so happy! Very pretty descriptive words! I could picture it perfectly! But you need to balance those words out with fast plot. I got the goddess thing, but only after I re-read that part. Try not using big, descriptive words and focus on being clear on what's going on. Short words can be just as good as pretty words.
I felt like this was a very long read. The description in this piece is very good but I feel like the description is all there is. There was nothing to hold the interest. After a while I stopped paying attention and had to go back several times to really read the paragraphs over. What it seems like to me is that you just filled the piece with pretty words and thought that would bring the intrigue but it did not. I have no idea where this story is going or what it's about. I feel like maybe if a character was introduced or involved and was telling the reader all this description in a different way this piece would have better. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. I really didn't mean it to be.
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