It used to be my dream
vegetarianism
but I am a hopeless case.
Everyone around me says.
Being a carnivore,
I know it's full of gore.
I hated the cow slaughters
going on at the butcher's
Supposed to be a omnivore.
If I was wouldn't ask for more
Why do they taste so good,
as to make themselves in to my food.
Perhapes it's in my gene ,
or because I am a teen.
Is something wrong with my willpower?
If older would I get better?
Devoring another rib,
rain forest destroyed for this.
If I could not live on cheese
how would I ever join green peace?
What would I eat anyway?
Spinach and mushrooms? No way!
I really am a hope less case.
I simply just got to say.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This was quite humorous actually! There are quite a few rough edges that I would work on but other than that, very nice job!
-michael
I enjoyed this! I tried to be a vegetarian and was defeated by a plate of steak at a BBQ. Meat was just to good give up. I don't think that a rainforest would pay the price for eating a rib though, that part didn't make sense to me. But anyway, it was funny and good!
Veritas
Hi!
I quite enjoyed your poem. I liked the topic it explored, I don't think there's been many poems about vegetarianism before. So the topic was quite an original one for me.
A thing I noticed in this poem is that the rhyme scene got a bit forced at the end. It was all good at the beginning, but as it got on a bit more, you started putting lines in there just for the sake of rhyming. Like this line:
Okay, I'm not sure if this is actually true, but it seemed slightly unlikely to me that rainforest could be destroyed for a rib. Paper would be something that destroys rain forests, but not ribs, I don't think. I would suggest you to replace it with just the environment, since it's more general and technically, cows do sort of destroy the ozone layer and all that.
The poem also strikes me as being typed up in a bit of a rush, since there's little mistakes like these:
and
There's one or two more in there, little typos. But typos that's quite noticeable. Also, spinach is spelled with an 'a' not 'i'.
I liked what the poem was about, but some of the rhymes seemed a bit forced here and there. I would fix those up if I were you, since forced rhymes most of the time don't contribute to the flow and sometimes drags in unnecessary topics that can confuse people. I guess that's all I have to say. Good poem, but needs a bit of tweaking. Keep writing!
Hello sueprin!
I'm going to review "vegetarianism" for you today, and I'd like to start of by saying I liked it. It's got some good elements of comedy, and it raises good question that I myself have though about in the past about eating meat. You make a very complex issue into something that's both easy to understand where you're coming from, and an enjoyable read, so well done on that. There were a few little grammar things in the poem that made it seem a little messy, but nothing that can't be easily fixed!
The first stanza has a single sentence that should be punctuated with commas.
There should be a space between "it'sfull" in the second stanza. In the same stanza, "butchers" shouldn't have an apostrophe.
Then in stanza four it should be "genes":
Later on, "Greenpeace" is the best way to put it, as it's a proper noun and it's the official name/spelling of the group. In the last stanza I'd make a few small changes just to tidy it up a little:
I hope you find this critique to be helpful, and don't take it in a negative way, I did really like the poem, it was humourous! It just had a few rough edges that I hope I've helped you to iron out