Young Writers Society

Hey sudamasri, here for a Review Day review,

Positives:You've got very consistent, standard flow that's easy and fun to read because you can picture yourself singing it to a well known tune, so that's good.

A lonely mind is a devil's workshop,

A play which has multitudinous characters,

But believe me, it's strength was so might,

This is Kaos here for a review!

[Just wanted to let you know first off before I jump into my review that "Wierdest" is spelled "Weirdest" and it really bugged me so I couldn't help but comment on it.]

So the first thing that I noticed about this piece is that it lacks stanzas which is something that I'd like to see for the sake of neatness and so that the reader can better understand the structure of the poem. If you don't know how to do that, then you can put all of your lines of a stanza in one line in the Publishing Center and then hit shift+enter. If that's too vague, then you can just put something to show that you're ending a stanza and starting a new one like "~" or "---", anything of that sort works. Moving on from that, the rhyming in this poem is something that didn't really have a clear pattern that it maintained and a general rule of thumb if you're going to rhyme frequently is to have a rhyme scheme?

It was odd because every other line rhymed with each other but then the lines in-between that happened to not rhyme in places. It was generally all over the place and I would like to see that sorted out. The poem happens to jump around a lot in its ideas and I suggest trying to stick to one topic because throughout the poem it starts to become a ramble and loses its focus. You have the base metaphor of the world being like a play, so expand on that throughout the poem and use that to your advantage.

Use that as your way of telling this theme that you have, because using that and building around it will give the poem more direction rather than jumping around. The last thing that I wanted to touch on was imagery which is something that I thought was lacking in this poem but there are possibilities for description to appear. If it's a play, what is the stage like, is it earthy and gritty? Are the characters ones who have no script? Expand on what you have and work from there.

I hope I helped and have a great day!

Hey!
This was such a good poem. It had a really deep message that was relevant the entire time. I really liked it. It had good rhyme and rhythm. There was a deep message as previously mentioned but it was very relatable to what I've been thinking about as well. The usage of the world as a play is 1.) familiar and 2.) excellantly used. I think that this poem is very good. I felt the message being portrayed all throughout the poem and I hope you'll come back with another!
Sarah24

I'm just dropping in to say that you have a good way of making your poem flow.