Young Writers Society

Hi, it’s @BeingRivy,
I like this text/script like short story. It’s like a conversation, and this is my second review, so I want to to be good. It’s original and I like the way how perfect you described the story. I mean I agree with the other people that it’s good and stuff, and I also like the realistic looking photo. Did you take it yourself or did you edit it with different photos and stuff, I couldn’t tell, but tell me more by pm.
Also I really enjoy you gradually added information to the story that’s important even for horror stories. I’m bad at horror so you can teach me a thing or two with this. Please send me a message or private message(pm) back.
I hope you leave a message.
From, @BeingRivy

The review I’m making is above. Sorry about that, I forgot to press review. From, BeingRivy

Hello! This was super spooky and had me jumping when I heard a nose in my living room XD

Anyway, I really like the way this is written. I am assuming this is a text conversation?

I am a bit confused by the picture and what that has to do with the blind ghost? I am guessing the dripping is coming from the disembodied arms but, again, unsure of the connection to the ghost.

But I assumed maybe when you went to explain what he did to the dad maybe the ghost severed his arms and legs or something... that was why the mum asked if David's hands and feet were on the bed. But then I got to end and it wasn't that so I am still a bit confused.

Anyway, very spooky, cool story!

This. Was. Amazing. I got CHILLS just reading this. Thank you for taking this story from Yarn and publishing it here. This was a great way to end the spooky season. Some of my favorite parts were:


David: I'm not mad

David: I'm just tired of waking up with bruises...


The reader begins to wonder why the main character wakes up with bruises. A question is a great way to start off a story.


David: Mom

Mom: Yes, David

David: is someone else in the house?

Mom: No..

Mom: ???


This is the part in the story where the tension begins to rise. You can feel goosebumps forming on your skin and chills going down your spine.


Mom: TURN OFF YOUR FLASHLIGHT

Mom: DO NOT TAKE YOUR HANDS OR FEET OFF OF THE BED

Mom: Listen to me and you will get out of this


The mother is trying to comfort her son despite both of them being utterly horrified.


Mom: the family that lived in our house before us

Mom: had a blind child

Mom: one day the child was playing with crayons

Mom: he drew all over the walls, and made a mess

David: and..

Mom: the father was punishing the child

David: and what ?

Mom: when the father was punishing the 8 years old child

Mom: The child got scared at him

David: and????

Mom: and so he tried to climb out the window..

Mom: and ended up falling and hitting his head

Mom: and died by accident

David: Jesus

Mom: that's not even the worst part

Mom: they hid the body in the floor boards of the house

Mom: and reported him missing


We finally get the backstory behind the house. But that's not all.


Mom: the blind son became stronger by slowly weakening his dad

Mom: one night the dad became frustrated by the bruises

Mom: he loudly cursed at his blind son in the middle of the night for haunting him

Mom: he shone a flashlight to find his son

Mom: to try to end his blind son once again

Mom: this infuriated the son

Mom: ..

David: mom?

Mom: the blind son removed his fathers skin and reversed it from the inside out

Mom: the son ripped out his tongue and vocal cords

Mom; the father was unable to move or speak

Mom: he died a slow, painful death

Mom: only being able to show his pain through his eyes

David: I can't do this mom

David: I NEED TO RUN

Mom: DO NOT MOVE

Mom: DAVID????


Chills ran down my spine as I read the last line. David will have the same fate as the man before him. No one will be there to help him. He will die a slow, painful death.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Hmm, this was certainly in a pretty different format to most short stories that I've run into before, but it was a pretty fun moment I think. It was interesting, and there was quite the story here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

David: Mom, where's the advil ?

Mom: we don't have any

Mom: dad and I can pick some up on the way home for dinner

Mom: but we're running a little late

David: Fine

Mom: Are you okay? You sound mad

David: I'm not mad

David: I'm just tired of waking up with bruises...

Mom: I know sweetie, we will figure it out this week

David: It just hurts so much

David: I wake up in so much pain

Mom: Try to get some sleep...

David: I am trying ........

David: you guys need to fix the air conditioning

David: It's so loud

Mom: we're working on it

David: Mom

Mom: Yes, David

David: is someone else in the house?

Mom: No..

Mom: ???

David: I hear this quiet snapping sound..

David: Something's dripping on me

Mom: could be the air conditioning

David: I'm scared mom

Mom: show me what you're seeing

David:

Mom: TURN OFF YOUR FLASHLIGHT

Mom: TURN OFF YOUR FLASHLIGHT

Mom: DO NOT TAKE YOUR HANDS OR FEET OFF OF THE BED

Mom: Listen to me and you will get out of this

David: I still hear it!!!

David: WTF IS HAPPENING

David: ANSWER MY CALLS

Mom: David, please stay calm and listen to me

Mom: are your hands and feet on the bed ?

David: yes

Mom: okay DO NOT MOVE

Mom: he picks up movement and light

David: he ?

Mom: the family that lived in our house before us

Mom: had a blind child

Mom: one day the child was playing with crayons

Mom: he drew all over the walls, and made a mess

David: and..

Mom: the father was punishing the child

David: and what ?

Mom: when the father was punishing the 8 years old child

Mom: The child got scared at him

David: and????

Mom: and so he tried to climb out the window..

Mom: and ended up falling and hitting his head

Mom: and died by accident

David: Jesus

Mom: that's not even the worst part

Mom: they hid the body in the floor boards of the house

Mom: and reported him missing

David: Why didn't you tell me sooner

Mom: we didn't think he would come back

David: what do i do now

Mom: the blind boy survives by attaching himself to a human

Mom: the reason he's been grabbing you at night, is to see if you're human and not a chair or something

Mom: right now you can not move

Mom: do not turn on the light because that will anger him

David: is he still blind

Mom: yes

Mom: but he chose you for some reason, and hasn't done that in many years

Mom: yes like you are now

David: what happened to him

Mom: it got worse

David: just tell me

Mom: I don't want to scare you

Mom: you need to remain calm and silent until I get home

David: JUST TELL ME

Mom: honey..

David: please I will be more scared if you don't

Mom: okay.

Mom: this infuriated the son

Mom: ..

David: mom?

Mom: the blind son removed his fathers skin and reversed it from the inside out

Mom: the son ripped out his tongue and vocal cords

Mom; the father was unable to move or speak

Mom: he died a slow, painful death

Mom: only being able to show his pain through his eyes

David: I can't do this mom

David: I NEED TO RUN

Mom: DO NOT MOVE

Mom: DAVID????