***Disclaimer: the original text comes from an app called Yarn, if you enjoy these type of stories, then you should definitely check it out :D anyways, back to the story:***
David: Mom, where's the advil ?
Mom: we don't have any
Mom: dad and I can pick some up on the way home for dinner
Mom: but we're running a little late
David: Fine
Mom: Are you okay? You sound mad
David: I'm not mad
David: I'm just tired of waking up with bruises...
Mom: I know sweetie, we will figure it out this week
David: It just hurts so much
David: I wake up in so much pain
Mom: Try to get some sleep...
David: I am trying ........
David: you guys need to fix the air conditioning
David: It's so loud
Mom: we're working on it
>>>1 minute later<<<
David: Mom
Mom: Yes, David
David: is someone else in the house?
Mom: No..
Mom: ???
David: I hear this quiet snapping sound..
David: Something's dripping on me
Mom: could be the air conditioning
David: I'm scared mom
Mom: show me what you're seeing
David:
Mom: TURN OFF YOUR FLASHLIGHT
Mom: DO NOT TAKE YOUR HANDS OR FEET OFF OF THE BED
Mom: Listen to me and you will get out of this
David: I still hear it!!!
David: WTF IS HAPPENING
David: ANSWER MY CALLS
Mom: David, please stay calm and listen to me
Mom: are your hands and feet on the bed ?
David: yes
Mom: okay DO NOT MOVE
Mom: he picks up movement and light
David: he ?
Mom: the family that lived in our house before us
Mom: had a blind child
Mom: one day the child was playing with crayons
Mom: he drew all over the walls, and made a mess
David: and..
Mom: the father was punishing the child
David: and what ?
Mom: when the father was punishing the 8 years old child
Mom: The child got scared at him
David: and????
Mom: and so he tried to climb out the window..
Mom: and ended up falling and hitting his head
Mom: and died by accident
David: Jesus
Mom: that's not even the worst part
Mom: they hid the body in the floor boards of the house
Mom: and reported him missing
David: Why didn't you tell me sooner
Mom: we didn't think he would come back
David: what do i do now
Mom: the blind boy survives by attaching himself to a human
Mom: the reason he's been grabbing you at night, is to see if you're human and not a chair or something
Mom: right now you can not move
Mom: do not turn on the light because that will anger him
David: is he still blind
Mom: yes
Mom: but he chose you for some reason, and hasn't done that in many years
Mom: the last person he chose was his father
David: what happened to his dad?
Mom: it started with bruises
Mom: he was waking up with them all over his body
David: WTF
Mom: yes like you are now
David: what happened to him
Mom: it got worse
David: just tell me
Mom: I don't want to scare you
Mom: you need to remain calm and silent until I get home
David: JUST TELL ME
Mom: honey..
David: please I will be more scared if you don't
Mom: okay.
Mom: the blind son became stronger by slowly weakening his dad
Mom: one night the dad became frustrated by the bruises
Mom: he loudly cursed at his blind son in the middle of the night for haunting him
Mom: he shone a flashlight to find his son
Mom: to try to end his blind son once again
Mom: this infuriated the son
Mom: ..
David: mom?
Mom: the blind son removed his fathers skin and reversed it from the inside out
Mom: the son ripped out his tongue and vocal cords
Mom; the father was unable to move or speak
Mom: he died a slow, painful death
Mom: only being able to show his pain through his eyes
David: I can't do this mom
David: I NEED TO RUN
Mom: DO NOT MOVE
Mom: DAVID????
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140,196 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Hi, it’s @BeingRivy,
I like this text/script like short story. It’s like a conversation, and this is my second review, so I want to to be good. It’s original and I like the way how perfect you described the story. I mean I agree with the other people that it’s good and stuff, and I also like the realistic looking photo. Did you take it yourself or did you edit it with different photos and stuff, I couldn’t tell, but tell me more by pm.
Also I really enjoy you gradually added information to the story that’s important even for horror stories. I’m bad at horror so you can teach me a thing or two with this. Please send me a message or private message(pm) back.
I hope you leave a message.
From, @BeingRivy
The review I’m making is above. Sorry about that, I forgot to press review. From, BeingRivy
Hello! This was super spooky and had me jumping when I heard a nose in my living room XD
Anyway, I really like the way this is written. I am assuming this is a text conversation?
I am a bit confused by the picture and what that has to do with the blind ghost? I am guessing the dripping is coming from the disembodied arms but, again, unsure of the connection to the ghost.
But I assumed maybe when you went to explain what he did to the dad maybe the ghost severed his arms and legs or something... that was why the mum asked if David's hands and feet were on the bed. But then I got to end and it wasn't that so I am still a bit confused.
Anyway, very spooky, cool story!
This. Was. Amazing. I got CHILLS just reading this. Thank you for taking this story from Yarn and publishing it here. This was a great way to end the spooky season. Some of my favorite parts were:
David: I'm not mad
David: I'm just tired of waking up with bruises...
The reader begins to wonder why the main character wakes up with bruises. A question is a great way to start off a story.
David: Mom
Mom: Yes, David
David: is someone else in the house?
Mom: No..
Mom: ???
This is the part in the story where the tension begins to rise. You can feel goosebumps forming on your skin and chills going down your spine.
Mom: TURN OFF YOUR FLASHLIGHT
Mom: DO NOT TAKE YOUR HANDS OR FEET OFF OF THE BED
Mom: Listen to me and you will get out of this
The mother is trying to comfort her son despite both of them being utterly horrified.
Mom: the family that lived in our house before us
Mom: had a blind child
Mom: one day the child was playing with crayons
Mom: he drew all over the walls, and made a mess
David: and..
Mom: the father was punishing the child
David: and what ?
Mom: when the father was punishing the 8 years old child
Mom: The child got scared at him
David: and????
Mom: and so he tried to climb out the window..
Mom: and ended up falling and hitting his head
Mom: and died by accident
David: Jesus
Mom: that's not even the worst part
Mom: they hid the body in the floor boards of the house
Mom: and reported him missing
We finally get the backstory behind the house. But that's not all.
Mom: the blind son became stronger by slowly weakening his dad
Mom: one night the dad became frustrated by the bruises
Mom: he loudly cursed at his blind son in the middle of the night for haunting him
Mom: he shone a flashlight to find his son
Mom: to try to end his blind son once again
Mom: this infuriated the son
Mom: ..
David: mom?
Mom: the blind son removed his fathers skin and reversed it from the inside out
Mom: the son ripped out his tongue and vocal cords
Mom; the father was unable to move or speak
Mom: he died a slow, painful death
Mom: only being able to show his pain through his eyes
David: I can't do this mom
David: I NEED TO RUN
Mom: DO NOT MOVE
Mom: DAVID????
Chills ran down my spine as I read the last line. David will have the same fate as the man before him. No one will be there to help him. He will die a slow, painful death.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Hmm, this was certainly in a pretty different format to most short stories that I've run into before, but it was a pretty fun moment I think. It was interesting, and there was quite the story here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy...so I'm going to assume this is maybe a phone conversation. There really isn't much of a clue to be able to say if it is one, but from the general vibe that I'm getting off of this, that seems to be the way. Anyway, well this is off to a lightly mysterious start with these bruises, so this is going well here.
Hmm....interesting conversation. I feel like it gets a bit too casual for an interaction between a child and a parent but maybe I'm overthinking this a little. At any rate, this small talk about the A/C is presenting a nice contrast to the clear red flags that are being raised with this inability to sleep and just pain in general.
Well this went from 0 to 100 very, very fast. Phew...that was quite the upswing from things just being a regular person having trouble sleeping. That picture certainly hits home on what is happening here.
It also confirms that this is maybe a phone call or a series of text messages. Hmm, well things are just about getting super creepy now, so let's see where this goes. I already do love where its gone so far.Okay so the son is clearly freaking out as much as humanly possible, which is totally understandable if that is really the situation that they are in. The mother seems strangely calm...sure she talks in all caps a bit, but I feel like she seems to know what's going on way better than David and is trying to instruct him on the procedure to survive whatever paranormal horror is taking place at the moment.
Oooohh..it looks like we're about to hear some interesting backstory on this house and its previous occupants here. Well it certainly is very interesting here. I'm already loving where this one is headed here. I can't even imagine how poor David must be feeling at the moment, hearing a ghost story when being in the middle of a ghost story.
Hmm, well that matches up with most ghost stories that you hear, especially the stories of the kind that tend to end in disaster and haunting. I also love how you break the sentences up like that even though its almost just one big sentence. It matches the idea of this being a set of chat messages.
Wow the mother seems to be quite an expert on this whole thing and is talking about it almost like she was there when this all happened for the first time. David's reaction to never having been told any of this is certainly very justified cause that is a very scary situation to be in without ever being warned of what is happening.
OKay...the mom almost seems to know too much here. I was really expecting there to be at least a bit more emotion with the reaction from the mother. She should be a bit scared knowing all of this and knowing that her son is currently facing this and is in serious danger. Its a little odd to see how emotionlessly she seems to be sending these warning on what to do and what not to do.
Okayy..finally we get to see a little bit of the mother acting like a mother should and acting a bit afraid for her son. That's a good sign, but I think this should maybe show up a little bit earlier than this here. Anyway...that little message about the bruises is also a really nice detail, especially when we see that David has already begun along that little process.
OKayy....well its a nice ambiguous ending there...I like it. Its the classic horror technique, just keeping people guessing as to what might end up happening. I think I do like that. I also like how this father just seems to have brought all of that on himself and now there's a situation where this poor kid might suffer the same fate. Well, its an interesting ending here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I think it makes for a pretty good horror situation. It being in this almost text message format is a nice change of pace appropriate to how things like this could go down in the 21st century, and yeah. It was a fun read I think
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry