Half-Blood (a.k.a.A Dragon's Story) chapter 2 and 3

stupidiot92 wrote:
After I roared(comma not needed) I charged the two half dragons. The shorter one flung himself at me, but I knocked him off to the side and tackled the taller one through the wall of the inn. We crashed on the street below. The half dragon got his feet under me and kicked me into the air. I had been kicked so high(comma not needed) that I was beyond the height of the inn's roof (just sounds better).

When I started falling back down, the blue half dragon jumped off the second floor of the inn. Normally half dragons don’t have wings, but this one did which (suggestion only) surprised me. He flew at me slowly compared to a pure blood dragon but still fast enough to reach me before I hit the ground. When he came in reach of mecomma not needed I slashed my claws at him ferociously, but he grabbed me and threw me into the street. As soon as I landed on the street, I felt a (you could use the word shot instead of ton and it gives it more of a suddeness and basicaly tells you it's a ton) of pain in my left arm.

I opened my eyes after some of the pain had ceased(comma not needed) and saw the blue half dragon land right above me. I brought my only useable claw at the time to block his first attack. I was successful, but he brought his other claw and scratched it right across my face. If he was a human than all of these attacks would do little if any harm to me. However, since it was a half dragon attacking me, it felt like I was getting bashed by a blunt sword.

I was beginning to lose consciousness when I heard a loud bang ring across the empty street. The bashing had stopped, and several drops of a warm liquid landed on my head. I opened my eyes and saw a long bullet sticking an inch out of the blue half dragon’s head, and dark red blood trickling down his face. I could tell he was already dead before I had opened my eyes. (You might want to move this sentence to before he even opened his eyes)

I removed the body from above me and did my best to stand up. The entire time I was wondering where the other half dragon had gone. After I stood up, I turned around and saw my friend David standing there with a Springfield sniper rifle in his hand and smoke coming out of the barrel.

He smiled and said, “Point blank kills anything, even your own kind.”

I smiled back and asked, “Where is the other one?”

“Umm…there’s another one!?” he responded in fear and shock as he looked around for the other one.

“Yea it was golden. Shouldn’t be as hard as you think to spot, its scales were more predominant than this one’s,” I said as I looked at my left arm. I couldn’t see any outside injuries, but I still felt quite a bit of pain all over my arm.

“This is the first time I’ve seen a half dragon with wings. Any idea why they were here,” asked David as he looked at the body of the dead half dragon.

“I don’t have a clue, but I bet that girl that I saved knows,” I replied looking at the hole I made in the second floor of the inn. David and I ran in through the front door and up the stairs. She was still sitting in the hall propped up against the wall. She looked at me, and I could see the fear in her eyes.

Figuring that she thought I was with the other half dragons, I said, “I am not here to kill you or whatever those other two were going to do to you. I may look like them, but they hate me more than they hate anything else.”

“Prove it,” she said quickly in a stern voice as she pointed a small hand gun at me. David pointed his Springfield at her, but I knew that wouldn’t help so I lowered his gun and looked at him to keep it lowered. He slowly lowered it, but looked at me as though I was being stupid.

“Look at the color of my scales. They are black. About twenty years ago, the other orders of dragons were planning on invading and enslaving humans. The black order didn’t agree with them and it caused a civil war between the dragon orders. The civil war ended when the whole black order was obliterated except me because I was hidden. I was a few years old, but I was kept with my human mother during the civil war. The reason why the other dragon flights didn’t invade after the civil war was because they were almost obliterated as well,” I responded as I slowly moved closer and closer to the fatigued woman.

I could see that the woman was tired. Her hand that was holding the gun was shaking. She suddenly dropped that hand(comma not needed) and I quickly ran towards her to help her and get the gun from her. She tried to respond, but I was too fast. I grabbed the gun and tossed it to the side. She lost consciousness soon after. David walked over to the gun and laughed.

“This gun wouldn’t do anything to you. The bullet would’ve bounced off your scales,” he said as he gave the gun to me.

I lifted the girl up when David and I started hearing screaming outside. We looked at each other, both thinking that the other dragon had returned. David strapped his Springfield to his back, took the girl from me, and nodded to me. I ran to the hole in the wall and looked at the street. I saw several villagers running and screaming in a huge mess of chaos. I saw one of the villagers looking in the sky so I did as well.

I saw about one hundred dragons, all ranging in color. Some were blue, some red, some gold, some green, some cyan, and some gray. Some had half dragons riding them. (I wouldn't use 'some' as much as you did. maybe us a synonym or take it out)I ran back to where David was holding the girl. It was always a relief when David was by my side because he is the smartest, strongest, and fastest human I know.

“David, we need to get out of here. The sky is filled with dragons and I would like to know why. This girl is probably the reason they are here and if they want her dead I think we should keep her alive,” I said as I took the woman from his hands.

After I finished speaking, the golden half dragon leapt through the hole in the wall. David quickly grabbed his Springfield and shot at the half dragon. It tried to dodge the bullets, but the last bullet of David’s clip penetrated his shoulder. It fell while it held its shoulder. It was writhing in pain as David reloaded his clip. David shot at the still moving half dragon four more times. It eventually stopped moving, but not before it was already blood soaked.

David reloaded his clip again and ran down the hall back to the stairs, and I followed. We ran out through the front door and saw a massacre. Dragons were tearing apart the citizens mercilessly. David ran towards the closest dragon and began shooting at it. The dragon was a young one. It was one of the smallest pure blood dragons, but was still a threat. It was getting ready to tear apart a mother and her new born son.

As soon as it heard the shots or maybe it felt them, it looked straight at David. David continued shooting until he was out of bullets. Then, he would pop in a new clip and shoot some more. The dragon charged David, but David kept shooting. I set the woman down and ran towards David. I tackled him just as the dragon’s claw skimmed over our heads.

“What are you doing? I am giving you time to get out of this town. If this is the beginning of another invasion, then humans need the black order to protect it again. GO!” he yelled at me.

I ran back and got the girl as I heard David scream, “Eat this!” Then I heard nothing. I picked up the girl and turned around to see the dragon heading straight for me with human blood dripping down its mouth. It leapt up into the sky and tried to dive back down. However, its neck blew up and its body was separated from the head as it fell back down to the earth. As soon as I saw the explosion I knew David had allowed the dragon to eat him because he always carried some type of explosive on him.

I ran toward the mother and her son and said, “Follow me. I will do my best to get you out of here safely.” I could see the kid was scared, but the mother had seen the whole thing with the small pure blood dragon.

She held on to her son tightly and said to her son, “This one isn’t bad. Its already protecting a human and it has offered to help us.” The son looked up at me. I could tell he was still afraid of me, but he nodded to his mother. She looked at me and said, “Lead the way.”

I looked around for the safest route and got the unconscious woman, the mother, and the son out of the city. However, I felt as though I had just lost a brother.




Chapter 3
You’re Welcome




After we left the town in a rush, we headed towards a mountain range that’s about half a day hike from it. Since it was night time, we were well disguised from the dragons because we were all in dark clothes, not to mention the fact that we were traveling through thick, uncharted woods that surrounded the town.

As we entered a small clearing, I heard a loud roar behind and above us. I immediately turned around and saw one of the biggest red dragons I had ever seen diving straight for us.

I ran into the woods and set the unconscious woman against a (it's not a certain tree, just a random one) tree. I, then, turned to the mother and said, “Head deeper into the woods and hide. Don’t show yourself unless you are sure its me.” She nodded and took her son deeper into the woods.

I ran back into the clearing and saw that the dragon was circling around. He was occasionally shooting fire at the woods. I inhaled deeply, exhaled, and launched a ball of molten lava about the size of a baseball at him. It hit him in the back and he yelped, though it hardly hurt him.

He turned around and dove straight for me. He dove so close to the earth, that any lower and he probably would’ve hit it. I had ducked so I wouldn’t be body slammed. While I was under his belly, he tried to grab me but missed. Instead, I put my two claws up and caught under two of his scales. I got dragged for a bit then, when he flew back up, I went up with him.

You’d think that as a dragon, I wouldn’t be afraid of heights, but I have never flown before and at that moment, I hoped I never would again. I was so scared that I clenched my hands together as mush as possible while still holding on. I could tell I was hurting him because he noticed I was hanging on to him and he was yelping occasionally. He tried scratching me off with his paws, but was unable to reach.

I took advantage of my predicament and inhaled deeply. I then launched another slightly smaller lava ball under one of the scales that I was slowly tearing off. I heard his exposed flesh sizzle and his roar of pain. His flying faltered slightly, but he was able to stay aloft.

I knew that I couldn’t use another lava ball or I would faint due to exhaustion. I was actually surprised that the second one actually didcome out. I took my other hand and started clawing at his wound. Each time I scraped his flesh, he roared. He was finally able to grab hold of my foot, but I had torn his flesh up so much that he wouldn’t live for much longer. He yanked me off with his loose scale and tossed me straight towards the earth.

I dropped the scale just before I realized that I could’ve used it as a device to slow me down, like a parachute. The entire time I was falling I tried to grab the scale. I looked down at one point to see that I was falling straight for the small clearing. I was hoping that I would fall into trees because I might’ve been able to catch a branch and slow my fall.

Just before I hit the ground, a bubble of some kind of energy appeared and slowed me down. It still hurt when I hit the ground, but it would’ve hurt so much more if I hadn’t been slowed down. I laid there for a few seconds as I caught my breath. Then, I heard a sweet feminine voice say, “I guess I should rescue my rescuer.”

I replied with a moan of pain.

Love it, love it. It was ecellent. Man, it was awesome. I cannot say enything, i am speechless. No idea on how to improve it. i change my last reveiw, your like the best authour i know. Well beside tamora peirce. But i love your work, excelate.

Hi,
Sorry I didn't get to this sooner. It's been a bit chaodic at my house. I'll start with chapter one.

After I roared, I charged the two half dragons.
charged at

We crashed on the street below.
onto instead of on

The half dragon got his feet under me and kicked me into the air. I had been kicked so high, that I was beyond the height of the roof of the inn.
I think you can kinda merge these together like: The half dragon got his feet under me and kicked me into the air beyond the roof of the inn / beyond the rooftops.

Normally half dragons don’t have wings, but this one did and that surprised me.
Maybe try rewording this somehow

He flew at me slow compared to a pure blood dragon but still fast enough to reach me before I hit the ground.
Add a comma after dragon maybe.

When he came in reach of me, I slashed my claws at him ferociously, but he grabbed me and threw me into the street.
I don't think you need the comma after ferociously

As soon as I landed on the street, I felt a ton of pain in my left arm.
Try coming up with a different word for ton. That's a word that we use a lot when we're speaking but I doesn't look right in writing.

I opened my eyes and saw a long bullet sticking an inch out of the blue half dragon’s head, and dark red blood trickling down his face.
Why is the bullet sticking an inch out of his head out of his head ? It would go all the way through.

The entire time I was wondering where the other half dragon had gone.Try adding another word such as ...ancously wondering wher the other half dragon had gone.

After I stood up, I turned around and saw my friend David standing there with a Springfield sniper rifle in his hand and smoke coming out of the barrel.