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141,360 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
Hey Amie!
Its lovely and it explained lots of things here. This was different, from what I read. 
What I'm really happy about is, this was creative and I know you've got that creative writing ability inside you! ^.^
Good poem, you've got here.
Okay, so the basic points I'm going to point out is:
1) Length of the sentences: Surely, in a poem, you haven't seen such BIG sentences. It is usually small and continues from the next line. In this poem, I quite found out that it had huge sentences. Like for example, here:
Don't you think, it was a little too big? Just cut half the line, and paste it on the next line. That was be fantastic and it would be a perfect poem. Correct this line too, this was the biggest:
2) Lack of flow: Surely, poems have this beautiful flow which makes it a great poem. But here, I saw it was missing. You kept jumping on to different situations and in between the flow comes back. It was all in all, Come and Go flow.
Example:
These four lines are completely different. Just read it, and you'll understand. You got to have that flow here.
That's about it!
Overall: Lovely but you'll need to improve more. There's lots of time for you to being with. Slowly, start and you'll approach. I'll rate it as 7/10! ^.^
If any help needed, just post on my wall or PM me!
Keep Writing ~! 8D
Cookie. x)
Hello there, Amie! I'm Rosie, and I'm going to review this piece today.
Overall, this is a good piece of work. There's plenty of details and I clearly understand what's happening. Somehow, though, I think that this would have been better off if organized in short story format, because the details are so concrete. Let me elaborate.
When I read poetry - and this is just my personal opinion - I'm looking for imagery and metaphor and descriptions that aren't concrete and concise. In other words, I want to feel like I've made it into the poet's mind and I'm reading the thoughts drifting around in the back of their head, the little muses that they think but rarely speak out loud. I like to read poetry that's intimate and reveals the poet's thoughts to me. So, while this is nice work, it's not my personal preference.
That doesn't mean that this is a bad poem! It just means it's not exactly what I like. However, I do feel like it could've been made a little bit better if you introduced a little bit of your own thoughts into this. Perhaps you could compare the metamorphosis of the butterfly to a change happening in your own life so I, as the reader, identify with you more. By introducing your own viewpoint, you'll be able to soften this up a little and make it a more pleasant read.
Please remember that your personal opinion concerning your work is paramount. If you disagree with anything I've said, feel free to disregard it and keep this exactly the way it is. People want to read what you write because it is just that: what you've written. Your unique point of view and style of writing will define you from other writers and make your work interesting. Always stay true to yourself.
All in all, nice work! Keep at it. I look forward to reading more of what you've written. If you have anything else you want reviewed now or in the future, feel free to message me or post a link on my wall and I'll have at it!
Best wishes, and always keep writing!
-Rosie