Dark Night
It was a dark night. Frost was beginning to settle on the cold concrete ground, as small clear snowflakes dripped from the sky. The trees lingered covering the scarce moonlight, making it impossible to see. A shrill scream can be heard in the distance, hovering in midair for a short moment before gently floating away.
There’s a girl in view. Wearing a ragged old dress torn here and there. Her hair a mess, as the wind blows it swiftly back. Blood drips from her pale forehead from a great gash. Her eyes are fixed to you, watching you closely, as though she’s scared of your reaction to her.
A cold ghostly feeling runs through you, as her right arm points in your direction. A loud noise rings through your ears as she shouts words at you that you don’t understand. Gently she moves towards you, her eyes peering into, you burning you almost. A glint of silver looks before you as she pierces your cold skin, the pain rippling though your body. She watches you fall roughly to the floor.
You wake up. As your eyes swivel round the room you feel relieved to find she’s not there. Sweat runs down your body and your hand reaches to wipe your chest, but its not sweat. Your hands are covered in a red substance.
please tell me what you think. This is the first one i have posted online, hope you like it.
welcome to YWS
this is a great piece. i love the fact that its so short because it gives you
time to think about what the future holds also i like the creepy feeling you get when you read
it. you could become a great horror story writer.
bye
Hi there! Welcome to YWS, hope you are liking it so far...
Now, I liked this, it's interesting. It's very clear, expressive and has simple idea. You concentrated everything in short story, which is pleasant. Everyone has pointed every mistake/non getting idea, but I found something that concerns me...
-Did you go to the Welcome Forum? If not go and introduce yourself to the others to get to know the rules and stuff. Don't worry everybody is very nice here! On thing: You NEED to do TWO reviews for each work you post. It's very important! It's a 2:1 rule, got it? I see that you didn't have make any review, go quickly!
I really liked this but sharpen a little it and it would be great! The idea is there clearly and expressive. Good work! Keep going!
Shauni
P.S. If you need anything or just want to say "hi" PM anytime,anywhere that I will answer it as soon as I can!
P.S.S Here's a cookie. *gives cookie* It's a welcoming gift, enjoy it and be prepared because everyone where loves cookies, so it's better if you do so!!!
Hi first of all welcome to YWS! 
This is a really good first post- very effective and chilling. I noticed quite a few mistakes in not using commas, but as I'm not great in that area, I'll point out what I can and leave it up to someone else to mention those I've missed 
The trees lingered covering the scarce moonlight, making it impossible to see.
There’s a girl in view. Wearing a ragged old dress torn here and there.
Her hair a mess, as the wind blows it swiftly back.
Her eyes are fixed to you, watching you closely, as though she’s scared of your reaction to her.
A loud noise rings through your ears as she shouts words at you that you don’t understand.
Gently, she moves towards you, her eyes peering into you, burning you almost. A glint of silver looks before you as she pierces your cold skin, the pain rippling though your body. She watches you fall roughly to the floor.
As your eyes swivel round the room you feel relieved to find she’s not there.
Your hands are covered in a red substance.
Hope I've helped!Hey! Welcome to YWS. So, on to the review...
Gently she moves towards you, her eyes peering into, you burning you almost.
A glint of silver looks before you as she pierces your cold skin, the pain rippling though your body. She watches you fall roughly to the floor.
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