My name is Unity, which means the state of being joined as a whole and the harmony between groups of people. My sisters named Melody which means a sequence of single notes that are musically satisfying. That is how I know. My whole life is full of colors and zigzags, and songs. Buzzing fills my day. I'm in the sixth grade and the teachera think I'm dumb. My mother thinks otherwise, she says I'm the next Einstein but something within me disagrees. People say I'm messed up, my sister says I'm lovely. I have special needs. Technically I'm fine but my teachers don't are what all the doctors say they are convinced that I'm not right in the head. They say I couldn't pay attention for anything, they say I'm an exaggerater, that I'm overly imaginitive. I thought that was a good thing but apparently its not. But who cares as long as you smile, right? A lot of the kids don't talk much, I think they're shy because every time I start talking to them they walk away with weird faces. My mom says to ignore them but wouldn't that be mean? So many things are confusing other things are yellow. Yellow is my favorite color, its so bright and shiny!! I love to dan
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, that was an awfully short part one there, its not too often that you run into entire chapters that are quite this short but I do feel like there was enough happening here for it to qualify as a first chapter, so that's not that much of an issue to start off with.
The main issue that I do have of the actual content here is that it feels a little disorganized. There are lots of interesting parts but they don't really feel all that cohesive to me. This comes off as a patchwork of slightly related but not quite related ideas here, and that's not the kind of feel you want to aim for especially with the very first part of a story, I'd suggest a bit of a rewrite here with the main idea of what you want to convey being just a touch clearer here.
If this was a bit clearer, I'd say this was a pretty effective part one. From what I could make out of this, it seems like a really interesting premise here with our protagonist suffering from some sort of ailment there that estranges them a little from most people their age and it seems like a really interesting character to explore here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I really like the first couple lines about the meaning of the name. I think the "My name is" might be actually OK here because of the definition after it. I don't know whether this is good as a beginning for your story, though. Perhaps, instead of all this information at once, the description of the character should be spread out across the first couple chapters. Instead, you could start the story with an action scene to pull the readers into the story.
I would also suggest a few corrections to this piece.
Perhaps this would be better with a comma and perhaps an omission of the word "and".
"Sister's"
Add a comma after "Melody".
As StellaThomas said, know what?
I think you should either have a comma after "colors" and "zigzags", or an "and" after both with no comma.
There should be a comma after "grade", and I presume that should be "teachers".
"My mother thinks otherwise; she says I'm the next Einstein, but something within me disagrees."
The comma should either be followed by "and" or changed to a semi-colon, I think.
What do you mean by this sentence?
Maybe "Technically I'm fine, but my teachers don't think so. All the doctors say they are convinced that I'm not right in the head."
Are you sure that should be "couldn't"? Perhaps "can't". Also, I think the comma after "anything" should be a semi-colon or a period.
Exaggerator
Imaginative
There should be a comma after "thing" and an apostrophe in "its".
Incidentally, I really like this line.
I think the comma here should be a period or semi-colon and there should be a comma after "shy" and "them".
A comma might fit after "them".
This sentence...doesn't really make sense. Was it meant to be sort of confusing? If so, there should be a period or semi-colon (or a comma and "and") after "confusing".
The comma here should be a period or a semi-colon, or "because" should be added. Also, be careful when using exclamation marks; they generally aren't a good idea. Two should really never be used.
Do you mean dance?
Well, that's all the corrections I have. I really liked some of the lines here, and I think this will be an interesting story. Perhaps, though, consider putting this information out across the first couple chapters instead of all in one place. Try showing instead of telling.
Valedictions,
Wherethewindgoes
Hey there Strong!
Okay so originally upon reading this I was a bit like "Um." I figured she had special needs from the get go and I like how you did that, the voice is really interesting. Some things here however still made no sense. For instance, "That is how I know"--- know what? I didn't like that line.
You also really need to proofread, there's a lot of typing errors and silly little mistakes in here. We all make them, and they're okay. But you have to try and get rid of them, and just reading your work over will really help to do that. I can't stress how important it is.
Secondly, don't you think it's a bit boring to start a story with "My name is"? That's not a story, that's just somebody introducing themselves! What story are they going to tell? While I like the style of this I think it would be better if you took a different direction with the opening. For instance, say I was writing a story about a woman who discovered a mummy in an Egyptian tomb. I wouldn't start by telling you all her life story- I would start with her arriving in Cairo. Let the story take centre stage and build your characters around that- that's how we get interested!
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella x
Sorry I didn't finish. My computer isn't working very well right now. I will create part II soon so don't worry its not going to be left like this! =D