You never cared about me
You never understand my pain
Never tried to see in my point of view
You just cared about my other siblings
You never looked me with understanding
You always say “Your brother is most important right now.”
I am never important to you. I try to hard to be the best daughter for you
But nothing seems enough for you
Because you never seem that you are pleased
You never understand that I have negative thoughts everyday
Every single time you and I get into an argument
My father says to me “You should apologize to your mom.”
I always do in end
Even though I am hurt
Even though never felt like you are my mother
You tell me that I have a lot of freedom
But to be honest I feel the opposite
I feel unwanted in this family
I always felt like a outcast
I never felt apart of this family
I will never be able to please you
Why do I even try?
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140,110 Literary Works • 673,017 Reviews
Wow, this is great. Your poem reflects a deep emotional pain and a profound sense of familial disconnection. From my end, it seems that the narrator is expressing feelings of neglect, misunderstanding, and a lack of parenting that shows appreciation, particularly from the maternal end. The narrator expresses a desire to be seen, understood, and valued within the family, but these efforts seem to be in vain, leading to a sense of isolation and despair. The repeated feeling of being unimportant and unwanted highlights the narrator's intense emotional turmoil and a persistent sense of not belonging. This poem highlights the impact of familial relationships on one's self-worth and mental well-being. The one and only thing I want to bring to mind is the inconsistencies of tense. For example, you say:
"I feel unwanted in this family
I always felt like a outcast
I never felt apart of this family
I will never be able to please you
Why do I even try?
You go from present tense to past to future then back to past. Maybe try, for some of the lines, adding the past progressive tense just to add fluidity to the poem.
Hello!
Ley here to review this piece for you!
First impressions...
I connected deeply with this poem. I'm the older sister and I was also adopted, so I feel like I got the short end of the stick when it comes to family and fairness when it comes to my brother. He's the straight A student, the one that plays sports, and the one that goes to an amazing and hard school to get into. Sometimes its hard to live up to your parents expectations, especially when they seem hard to grasp. Hang in there!When I was reading this I felt...
Sad, helpless, treated unfairly. I'm sure this poem resonated with a bunch of other people as well-- which makes it super relatable. That's a great trait to have when writing a poem. Emotionally, this poem tugged at my heartstrings. I almost found myself having to sigh loudly afterwards, as if I just watched a really intense movie and needed to take a minute. This really hit home for me.My favorite line/quote is...
I chose this particular line because I felt the emotion and frustration in your words:I could just feel the desperation and frustration in your tone here, as if you were speaking to your mother directly. This is a very powerful stanza. This even shows the reader that you didn't always have the best relationship with your mother, which makes this poem make sense even more. Wonderful job here!
Some things I would change would be...
I just have a few recommendations on the formatting of this poem, otherwise, there's nothing wrong with this piece!For this line, I'd say you should separate this into two different lines to help the flow of this poem. It looks kind of awkward to have two sentences in one line.
My second recommendation would be to maybe split this poem up into stanzas. On YWS it can get kind of hard to separate stanzas, so maybe instead use periods to separate them or ~. Take this opinion with a grain of salt, as the content of the poem is more important and I found nothing wrong with that.
Overall...
This was a rollercoaster of a read. I loved the emotion you brought to the table; and I appreciate you opening up and sharing this vulnerable side of yourself with us. I hope to read more of your work in the future! Happy writing!With Love,
Leya
thank you for your feedback and I am glad you like it!
When I was young I went through a very rough patch. It left my family divided every one of us had our own challenges to get over once I had defeated my demons. My Dad still to this day struggles with the black dog and my sister who was also young at the time felt like she had been neglected and was hurt the most after I got to some steady ground. My mom has scars as well but ultimately is the strength that is holding my family together. when she looks back she accepts that perhaps she could have done things better but her priority was me. I was in a terrible state and she often tells me "I would go to sleep not knowing if I would have a son in the morning." It was hell for us all. even after the worst of it passed, I had been out of school for years so it was agony for me to try to catch up to my peers not just with grades, I had spent years in bed so had no clue how to act cool or fit in, I was the weird kid who just disturbed and annoyed everyone. so I still had to rely on my Mum to pick me up when I was knocked down. Most of the time we do things like that to ourselves. All of this made my sister feel unwanted, unappreciated, and unloved. THAT IS NOT TRUE! you might not see it now but I am sure in the future you will. this poem reminds me a lot of my sister and how she must feel. so thank you for helping me understand and hopefully, you can understand their situation a bit better from my exertions.
Giles
Thank you for the kind words I will keep it in mind!
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
I can see that this is a heartfelt poem. Right from the start, we see two lines that set the stage really well!
we observe that the writer is describing someone in their life who has caused them a lot of pain. in the following lines, they say that this person only cared about their siblings more than them. maybe this is a parent or family member?
this is confirmed in this line, where we see the writer is writing this poem to their mother:
overall, this is a touching, emotional poem! thanks for sharing, friend! I can tell this is honest and from the heart. writing is definitely a form of emotional release for me, and I pray it can be the same for you are you work through any challenges you are currently going through.
Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement
this line:
maybe you were trying to say, "I am never important to you."
or, "I am never important too."
Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises
I love these three lines:
i love how we quickly switch from what the mother is telling her child to how the child actually feels. the use of the word opposite is lovely because it captures this contrast very well. and the third sentence, a bold statement, that draws us as readers into reading more. this is touching and heartfelt. anyone who has struggle with a relationship with their mother, or any member of their family, can understand some of these words in their own way. thanks for sharing this!
Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts
I appreciate all of your poetry and the time you have spent on YWS! If you ever have questions or need help with anything, please let me know and I am so happy to help. Hope you have a lovely day!
Your friend,
Ellie Mae.
I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!
Thank you so much I really glad you enjoy it