Young Writers Society

Hi there starj! I'm here with a quick review for you, in the spirit of RevMo :)

From what I can see, there appear to be two separate scenes happening in this prologue? One between "the blonde" and "the man", and one with an anxious high school student. The blonde and the man have a mysterious exchange in a doorway, and the teenage boy is anxious+excited and experiencing foreboding weather. You've definitely set up some great atmosphere in these two short scenes alone!

One thing I do notice is that there doesn't seem to be anything connecting these scenes at the moment, not even a vague similarity/contrast. ie maybe a note in the first scene about the weather as well, either totally contrasting ("The sky was bright and the air settled calmly around the girl"), or exactly the same. That way the reader could be like, "hmmm there's something linking these two scenes." Obviously weather is just one example, and you could choose a detail that you know is actually significant to the plot!

I did really love the descriptions and imagery you have in this prologue -> "Torrents of rain crash down from the slate gray sky, collecting in potholes along the street. Even though the clouds weep" is just so *chef's kiss* ! As someone who sticks mostly to poetry, I loved how vivid and lovely that image was; it could definitely find itself in a poem, as well c:

Altogether, this prologue was short but very sweet! If you ever see this review, I hope you find it helpful!

All the best,
--whatcha

Hello hello! I pulled this out of the green room for you because romantic teen fiction is the BEST fiction!! <3

Also, welcome to YWS! Super happy to have you here, and I'm glad you're getting involved right away! I'm one of the moderators around here, so don't hesitate to shoot me a private message or write on my wall if you have any questions about the site or if you need anything at all!

So prologues. I have mixed feelings about them because 9/10 they're not necessary to the story. Most people fall into the info-dump trap in prologues, and while you're not doing that here, I'm still not convinced this is necessary to the story. It's hard to tell, seeing as this is the only part of the story so far, but let's talk a minute about openings.

Many people won't read a novel after the opening sentence. Many more will drop out after the first paragraph. More still will drop out after page one. And even more will drop out after the opening chapter/prologue. Your job in the prologue or opening chapter is to pull us into the story - who are the main players going to be, what's the conflict, and what's in it for me/why should I keep reading? I think you have the potential for all of those things in this opening prologue. I think you could expand the dialogue between this blond person and this man to create a little more intrigue/suspense/drama/conflict whatever you're going for. Then that would connect more to the ending about him feeling not anxious like usual, but excited. I feel like that feeling is connected to the dialogue with the man, but because there's so little of that dialogue I don't really get it.

Overall, I think your writing stylistically and technically is fine, I just want more! I hope you continue to work on this story! If you decide to post more on the site, can you let me know in some fashion because I love to follow love stories! (You can private message me, tag me - @Carlito on your wall, write on my wall, whatever works for you). And let me know if you have any questions or if there's something you'd like feedback about that I didn't mention!

i really like your writing style!

Hello! RippleGylf here.

Firstly, welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy your time on the site.

As far as novel chapters go, this is a rather short one. Admittedly, prologues don't have to be quite as long as a typical chapter, but this still feels exceptionally brief. In addition, you have it split between two different scenes, not quite giving enough depth to either. I would recommend expanding upon what you already have written.

The last sentence throws me off, a little bit. It trivializes the feelings expressed earlier in the paragraph. In addition, it doesn't feel like the end of the prologue; rather, it feels like the beginning of the first chapter. Perhaps in the prologue, you should focus only on the first scene, and save the second for the next chapter.

Otherwise, I found it rather intriguing, satisfying the purpose of a prologue. You have an interesting mix of separation and whimsy in your tone throughout the piece. If you post more of this story, I would love to review it! Keep writing!

This review courtesy of