A Couple's Love

by stargazer9927

Published February 25, 2011

In Poetry

The high school couple,
They think they’re in love
They kiss all day and night
And hold hands down the hall
They’re stuck in their own world
Until it eventually comes crashing down

The young college couple,
Waiting on the day they might get married
He gives her flowers
She returns it with a kiss
Their schedules are rough
But their love will always stay strong

The married couple,
Fighting all day
Stressed about this and that
He works all the time
She has many things to do
But at the end of the day,
There’s time for a kiss or two

The old retired couple,
So sweet as can be
Relating stories from the past
And wishing to return
When asked about her husband, she simply replies,
“He is gone and I am here,
But our love will never die, even if our bodies do”

Comments & reviews · 7
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TylynRae
Review
TylynRae wrote a review Review · Jul 1, 2011

I'll have to agree with the previous commenter on this one. The rhythm is a bit off here and there, and the flow is really hard to find. But I definitely think the overall message is really cool. I feel like its really positive and has a 'you can do it!' attitude about it. =] It's uplifting!

This poem is really nice, the set up was clean and your grammar was good as well. Overall, you have a solid piece. It just needs a few tweaks here and there to sort out the rhythm. =]]

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Loller65
Review
Loller65 wrote a review Review · Feb 27, 2011

The high school couple,
They think they’re in love
They kiss all day and night
And hold hands down the hall
They’re stuck in their own world
Until it eventually comes crashing down

The young college couple,
Waiting on the day they might get married
He gives her flowers
She returns it with a kiss
Their schedules are rough
But their love will always stay strong

The married couple,
Fighting all day
Stressed about this and that
He works all the time
She has many things to do
But at the end of the day,
There’s time for a kiss or two

The old retired couple,
So sweet as can be
Relating stories from the past
And wishing to return
When asked about her husband, she simply replies,
“He is gone and I am here,
But our love will never die, even if our bodies do”


So, this was an interesting poem, I'll give it that. My only problems are

-Rhythm feels off here and there.

-Sort of...I dunno. Linear. Each description of a couple follows the same sort of pattern and I think it could have been really cool if you'd switched each one up beyond altering the descriptions of what the couples do.

It had a sweet ending, and it was pretty decent.

User avatar
BehindtheMask
Review
BehindtheMask wrote a review Review · Feb 26, 2011

I really enjoyed this poem. It's very beautiful, honest, and sincere. I especially adore the third stanza,

The married couple,
Fighting all day
Stressed about this and that
He works all the time
She has many things to do
But at the end of the day,
There’s time for a kiss or two

because it just goes to show that love can conquer anything, and what doesn't hurt a marriage only makes it stronger.
Fantastic work. *follows*

User avatar
stargazer9927
Comment
stargazer9927 commented Comment · Feb 26, 2011

Thanks guys. Wow, I actually wrote something where no one had anything to say negative about it except my grammar? I'm so happy! I'm glad you guys liked it.

User avatar
Winchester
Review
Winchester wrote a review Review · Feb 25, 2011

The high school couple,
They think they’re in love
They kiss all day and night
And hold hands down the hall
They’re stuck in their own world
Until it eventually comes crashing down

The young college couple,
Waiting on the day they might get married
He gives her flowers
She returns it with a kiss
Their schedules are rough
But their love will always stay strong

The married couple,
Fighting all day
Stressed about this and that
He works all the time
She has many things to do
But at the end of the day,
There’s time for a kiss or two

The old retired couple,
So sweet as can be
Relating stories from the past
And wishing to return
When asked about her husband, she simply replies,
“He is gone and I am here,
But our love will never die, even if our bodies do”


Wow, this is amazing...I loved the different stages, and the last line almost brought me to tears <3

Keep Writing...

Gerry :)

User avatar
shiney1
Review
shiney1 wrote a review Review · Feb 25, 2011

Oh my, this poem almost made me cry. (that rhymes...)

But really, this is such a nice poem, and I like how it is different and does not get stuck on teenage love and all that like many poems do.

It also shows, contrary to popular belief, that marriage can work if you make it work, and is not meant to be bondage but a covenant, or a bond between two people who absolutely love each other (sorry for the personal input here) :)

The high school couple,
They think they’re in love
They kiss all day and night,
And hold hands down the hall.
They’re stuck in their own world
Until it eventually comes crashing down.

The young college couple,
Waiting on the day they might get married.
He gives her flowers
She returns it with a kiss;
Their schedules are rough,
But their love will always stay strong.

The married couple,
Fighting all day
Stressed about this and that.
He works all the time
She has many things to do
But at the end of the day,
There’s time for a kiss or two.

The old retired couple,
So sweet as can be
Relating stories from the past
And wishing to return.
When asked about her husband, she simply replies,
“He is gone and I am here,
But our love will never die, even if our bodies do”


Just a few pauses and punctuation suggestions here.

Very nice poem!



Russets and tangerine shades of old gold flushing the very outside edge of the senses ... deep shining ochres, burnt umber and parchments of baked earth—reflecting on itself and through itself, filtering the light.
— Guildenstern (Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard)