there is only so much of history
one can learn
before their minds are cluttered
with ideas they will surely be punished for
if acted upon
of course
every so often
one would collapse
shuddering from this overdose
(and the word
revolution
dripping from their mouth)
they rally with potential allies
they streak their hair with soot or mud or paint
their eyes dancing with ambition
they hoist their flag
(it is not white yet
it is not covered in blood and dust yet)
as they try the impossible
they may cry
but others have tried it
others have succeeded
it is not impossible!
(it seems that at times
this unforgiving world
loves watching the underdog lose)
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
I think this poem has a lot of potential, and by that, I mean you explore an interesting aspect of revolution. But you missed another. In here, you talk about ignorance- the childish resistance which has no idea about the threat they fight against; but you struggled too much on giving revolution a bad aspect- you’re probably not a rock music fan- anyways, you forgot to mention where comes this will to fight. It’s not for the sake of fighting people play revolution, it’s because they believe. Mind you, I probably sound childish. But if you hate something/someone; will you just let it all wash over you? Until you drown below unresponded indulgences of a promise kept? Would you? Because, maybe they’ll get killed. Maybe they’ll stain their flag and all die and have their homes burned, or worst; they might fail. But what is failure? It’s a mirage of the brain. Something which pushes your goal further. Failure only exists when someone believes in it. Even if they all die, failure will never haunt their dreams; because in a revolution, it’s a fight for change. And once started, failure does not exist- because even failure in a revolution, is still a change. Revolution will always be won; and that’s the point you missed. Death? Unlikely. They’d die anyways, if not for this cause, for another one later in their lives. Acting in a revolution, a change people will keep in minds and praise and talk about all their lives.. so say, will these revolutionaries die? Maybe physically, but they’ll me immortal on history. Success is not even an option, success begins with the revolution. What matters is not one side having more dead than the other, what matters is the fact someone stood up- and that changes everything- thus, by any ways; the revolution wins. And you missed that point..
Woah this poem is so deep and poetic! I really loved how you made it rhyme and yet sound so good, it really flows smoothly and makes this poem fun to say out loud or silently! I love how you expressed the ideas about rebellion and society standards in a surprisingly short yet very well made poem. I really hope you keep writing cause I honestly I love this poem and how you wrote it!