HANNAH??? im so shocked i knew your writing was good but not THIS good...how did you get this absurdly mesmerizing talent. love it as always
fall is coming. i see her
in the red, orange, and yellow that is slowly
overtaking the leaves,
hear her song through the wind, in the silent footsteps
behind me on the sidewalk as i pause to notice a fallen leaf.
fall is everywhere, so fast, but not soon enough. and i see
that summer is protesting in all of the wilting flowers, and hear
her crying when the last petals fall to the ground, in a way
that makes me wonder what she wants us to know. every time
i recognize her voice, it's already too late.
but fall is gently nudging me, telling me to forget-we learned enough
from the sun, and now it is time to know the rain.
HANNAH??? im so shocked i knew your writing was good but not THIS good...how did you get this absurdly mesmerizing talent. love it as always
The way you personified the season, is totally freaking me. I love this, I really appreciate you for your work, beside I felt this first paragraph just like for a real May be this "summer whispering and autumn wisdom" turns you to the real breakthrough in become a good writer. Stay blessed
Hello! Using the YSW sandwich critique technique, so let's get into it.
For starters, I have to mention my favorites with this or the "bread/toppings." First, I like how you personified the season. Given that it is here, it gave life to what I see outside my very window, with the leaves changing color! I love the line, "Summer is protesting in all of the wilting flowers." I like how fall, much like real life, has shushed summer into a subtle yet loud manner. I love the ending. There is a lot here that is beautifully worded. If your age on your profile is accurate, I am impressed! This feels deep and wise, like musings from an older woman sitting on a bench at the cusp of the end of their life, sharing the message to cherish the seasons as they come.
Moving onto the "meat" or what I find can be improved. Mainly, I don't like how this does not have capital letters, even though there is punctuation. I did notice other reviews mention how this, along with the italicizing, makes this gentler, matching the theme and characteristics of fall. However, I find that you can still maintain that with the italicizing AND capital letters. This is just a personal preference and opinion, though, so take that as you will.
Overall, I found that this is a really beautiful piece and you have hit your target well. Kudos to you and thank you for sharing this. Wishing you well wherever you are in the world. With love, ♡A
Okay, first of all, I love your writing style. You have placed your pauses in just the right spots and cut off lines in all the right places to put emphasis on certain things and give the poem personality. The way you formatted it makes it sound almost like a song when I read it out loud.
I like the use of italics. To me, the italics and all lowercase letters make the poem gentler, as if to softly introduce fall and let us say our sweet, heartfelt goodbyes to summer as she slowly walks away. It also goes along with the tender and yet tearful message fall has to say. This poem not only sounds good, it looks good too.
I love the personification and the way you depicted the two seasons. I can just picture fall and her colors in the leaves, I can hear summer crying about it being time for her to go, and I can hear fall saying,
we learned enough
from the sun, and now it is time to know the rain.
Don’t have time to review this at present, just wanted to say I love the personification in this piece, especially when the narrator notes Autumns “silent footsteps” behind her, and how Summer protests with every wilting flower. The final line especially is very bittersweet, which I think fits well with a crossroads of seasons.
120,212 Literary Works • 649,111 Reviews
Points: 252
Reviews: 2
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