Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,563 Literary Works • 672,044 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Well this definitely doesn't sound like a plan that you have at all I'm so sure xD. Joking aside I think the way you specify that this is not something that you actually want to do and is a fake is what really gives it most of its character here. On its own its a questionable and fairly lively sounding way to acquire some money legally.
I am definitely not familiar with the concept of wire transfer myself much less the actual concept of committing fraud on it so with that being said, this sounds like it genuinely has some basis in truth there. I mean the kind of loopholes that this is describing while a little tiny bit far fetched in a system that is working as intended, all it would take is a couple of people being a little bit more lax at their job than they should be and this could happen
Overall an intriguing little piece and I think the title was a very clever choice there both in a more legal sense and also to make this significantly funnier in terms of it being more of a joke than a random tutorial for fraud.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate
Ha! I like that you clarified in the title that this isn't actually your scheme for wire-fraud. What movie is this based on? Quite an interesting poem you've got here, would love a little more background to understand!
My suggestions:
You've got a few spots where you're missing apostrophes that make the piece feel a little unfinished. I don't necessarily mind the lack of capitalization (verizon / sprint) because it creates a more casual / humorous tone, but the lack of apostrophes, just make the piece read a bit unclearly / messy to me.
I feel like you've got sort of a story / narrative you are trying to tell through the list, which a great and unique strategy for a literary piece, though right now, feels a little hard to follow I have to say and could use just a little bit more clarity on what exactly is going on.
I think something you did excellent with is the sense of "voice" within the piece - it felt very much like an organic conversation or set of directions, rather than a formal list, and came across as sort of funny and over the top especially due to some of the ways you phrased things like "Break them off a good amount they gonna want money too" those little asides added a lot of humor and character to the piece in my opinion.
I'm going to point out some of the more distracting apostrophe skips in case that's helpful for you!
Used quite a few times in here; should be "don't"
Missing a "space" between "home" & "come"
I think you mean "Sprint" rather than "sprit"
Should be "you'll"
should be "there's"
no need to capitalize "swapped" or "sim" here.
its -> "it's"
itll -> "it'll" and "peice" -> "piece"
Hope that helps a bit! Keep writing!
alliyah
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
(GREETING & INTRODUCTION)
Well, here I am. Ellie here for a review of "Wire Fraud Tutorial (Fake based on a movie)". To be clear, I have no interest in wire fraud lol but you know, it was in the green room and i wanted to write a review haha. I'll be treating this like any other poem. Let's get right in to it:
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
(CONTENT - my impressions / interpretation)
Well, my first impression was confusion. Is this a poem? What is the meaning and why is it here? I was a little shocked when I saw something titled "Wire Fraud Tutorial (Fake based on a movie)" in the green room. Simply, my impression is that this is directions to commit some kind of crime and make money.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
(CONTENT - include specific suggestions)
The format is interesting. Maybe I'll write a numbered poem some day. Inspiring! Some of the language is hard to understand. I don't follow along with the directions very well. Some of the steps seemed quite... all or nothing... (changing some of the language), "dont mess up the play" is quite a demand to make.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
(CONTENT - include specific praises)
well... its a new topic to me. I dont read that everyday. Welcome to YWS!
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Like I said, welcome to YWS! I hope to read some of your poetry in the future!
-Ellie Mae