Young Writers Society

I would love to hear people's suggestions on how to improve this poem. It is a work in progress and needs a lot of work. I couldn't figure out how to make it sound good, so I'm hoping someone has some ideas on how to make it better.

Hey friend! You asked about how you could make this better and I wanted to write you a response to that! I rewrote part of your poem. Maybe this can give you some inspiration! Overall, it is already wonderful <3

Here is the part of your poem I used as inspiration:

"Or maybe...
It's not the pencil's fault
The words sound
So shaky.
Not everything lies
On the paper.
Maybe I've been putting too much
Pressure
On my bookshelf
And too much
Pressure
On myself."

And here is a rough version I wrote:

"The pencil, blameless, rests
As trembling words emerge,
Ink quivers with emotion,
Not just the paper's verge.

Perhaps the weight I bear,
It's not on pages sown,
But on my weary shoulders,
A burden all my own.

I've pressed upon my heart,
My bookshelf creaks and bends,
I've strained my very soul,
Beyond what it contends."

I hope this helps in some way! I love your poetry. It is simple and beautiful and I can really connect with it

Sincerely,
-Ellie Mae

Siya here with a quick review.

I adore your work. It truly sums up the frustration felt but most authors when the catch the dreaded writers block. I'm no expert on writing myself but i feel like it should flow a bit better. Maybe it's the punctuation or the short sentences but each line seems to halt even when they link with a previous one. Unless it was your intention to make the poem "rigid" with some sort of symbolism, that may have went over my head.