It began with a glimpse,
In a moment when the world stood still.
I saw her and somehow I knew it,
My life would never be the same.
It wasn't love,
Yes I am quite sure of that.
It was a moment of bliss, of complete satisfaction,
A moment I had to get back.
I didn't know who she was,
Or why her glimpse called so to me,
I saw just a ghost of a smile playing on her lips,
And that I knew, once more I had to see.
Maybe it was just a flight of fancy,
Maybe just a meaningless infatuation.
But a glimpse was all I had to follow,
And it took me right to gloom and desperation.
I will never understand what happened to me,
Why I spent months mourning a lost moment.
But in that moment I felt complete.
And that was too precious not to lament.
So I capture it here,
With words and hope.
It may be over,
But its not the end of the road.
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139,441 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Hi.
Glimpse...an interesting word to make a poem.
I'm sorry because I'll start with this;
Overall!
Your poem was a good-stuff but yes I'll had to agree with your previous reviews that you didn't described much on the love-stuff. (Or wasn't I took a short glimpse on the previous review.)
Please explain, I would love to hear it.
I didn't have any time now but I'll add later!
Good work1
Hello sponde25,
Myjaspercat here for a review...
Ok, lets begin with the whole 'love poetry is cliché thing' since by reading this I have assumed it is (or the style is) some sort of love poem. Now, the concept/ or idea you have here is actually satisfying in the whole love poem area and your language is there so I give props to that. However, your poem did give a feeling of incompletion. There were places, as your reader, that left me asking 'what just happened'. Don't worry though, we'll go over that in a second. As well, before I sound so ignorant let me just say that yes, I have written love poetry myself; therefore I understand the struggle to write it good since, like I said, it is cliché. So, before I go on, my one word of advice is to never give up or stop trying...
1.) "It began with a glimpse,"
---Ok, so here's the first part that could be stronger. After reading the whole poem I could kind of understand what 'began' but I would like to know more. If you are going to start with this line (which I would advise not to) then you need to show your reader's what 'began'. However I do think it would be best if you change this to end of your poem.
2.) "I saw her and somehow I knew it,
My life would never be the same."
---What did you know? Was it simply that you would never be the same or was it something more?
3.) "Or why her glimpse called so to me,"
---Here is one place where I got a little confused... What do you mean when you say 'her glimpse called...' because as I read this I felt that the word 'glimpse' was misused here. However it may be just me.
I think that's it for the line by line. The use of 'glimpse' was just to much for my taste and I thought that it personally brought down the poem. Like abbyowl, I feel as if your poem could use some more description. Give us something to really see and connect to. Anyways, I hope what I have said above helps, and if you have any questions feel free to ask. Good luck and continue writing. ---Myjaspercat
Hey there, it's abbyowl. Overall, I think this poem is ok, but I have some advice that could make it stronger.
This poem is in the romance/romantic category yet I don't feel that if I had to describe this poem in one word that it would be love or anything dealing with it. All I get from this poem is that all it took was one glimpse to see this beautiful woman and be intranced, but the speaker never saw her again, let alone talked to her. So, I'd say one word to describe this poem is regret or sorrow, and honestly, the reason is a bit unclear. It seems like lust, not love.
All it took to make the speaker fall in love was one glimpse. This is stressed throughout the poem, but it's never expanded on in much detail. Why is the woman so lovely? All we know about her is that she had "a ghost of a smile playing on her lips". But what else? To really make the reader feel the speaker's love and longing to see more of her, we need a description of why and why he was infatuated.
I hope this advice was helpful! Just expand more on your ideas to really make the reader feel something and you've got it.