E - Everyone

Renaissance Romance - Part I

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“Would you mind taking it from here?” Nicholas asked, walking over to the squire with his horse’s reins in hand. 

“Oh, not at all,” he replied, taking the reins and walking to the stables, leaving Nicholas alone in the courtyard. He was a little late getting back to the castle. It was a nice, warm day and he couldn’t help but stay out longer than usual. Nicholas put away his weapons and went over to help the squire with his horse when he stopped him.

“I can do this on my own, Sir Nicholas, you should go see the prince.”

“Why should I go see him?” he asked, confused.

“He’s been looking for you all morning. He came by here not too long ago hoping to talk with you, I just told him that you were late coming back,” the squire said simply.

“Right, well thank you for your help.” With that Nicholas walked out of the courtyard in search of the prince.

Nicholas was a bit worried. He didn’t know why the prince would be looking for him. They’ve grown close, of course, but seeking him out specifically… it’s not something that Nicholas would have previously expected. And he should’ve known by that point that Nicholas is always out in the mornings. Nicholas played out possible scenarios in his head as he walked up the stairs, they only helped to worry him even more. But eventually he made it to the prince’s quarters. Nicholas tried to dispel his worry, he gave a courtly nod to the older knight on post at the prince’s door and he walked off. Then Nicholas gave a knock on the door, before letting himself in.

“There you are!” The relieved voice of the prince rang out as Nicholas walked into the room. He looked around to see the prince looking up at him from his place on the edge of the bed, a mixture of relief and worry painted on his face. “Where were you? I was looking for you.”

“I’m sorry, Your Highness, I was out practicing my swordsmanship and I stayed out longer than usual,” Nicholas said as he walked towards the prince.

“You don’t have to be so formal you know, you can just call me Laurent.”

“Well, I’m supposed to call you Your Highness, Your Highness,” he replied with a grin, trying to help dispel the prince’s worry.

“Okay, okay.” Laurent smiled. “But you don’t need to. Not when we're alone like this.”

“I understand that, but it’s a difficult habit to shake… but what is it that you wanted to talk about?”

Laurent motioned for Nicholas to sit, and he obliged and sat on the bed next to him. It took a good moment for Laurent to speak, but eventually he did.

“I’m getting married,” he said quietly, not looking up at Nicholas.

“You’re getting married?” Nicholas repeated rather loudly, holding back a small laugh.

“Yes.”

“I didn’t think you wanted to.”

“You’re right, I don’t.”

“Then why are you getting married?”

“I don’t really have a choice in the matter.”

“You should have a bit of a choice here,” Nicholas said seriously.

“At the meeting this morning my father mentioned a marriage. He said something about having gotten everything finalized, and when I asked him who’s marriage he was talking about he said it was mine,” Laurent finished.

“He only told you about it after he settled everything?” Nicholas asked, very confused.

‘I would have told you sooner, but I had more important things occupying my mind’,” Laurent said, mimicking his fathers deep voice, then he let out a sigh as he laid back onto the bed. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, what exactly are you worried about?” Nicholas leaned over Laurent so that he could still look at his face.

“I… I’m not sure to be completely honest… it’s just a lot to think about.”

“That’s understandable, Your Highness, the prospect of your own marriage is definitely a lot.” Then Nicholas then got rather close to Laurent, and asked “So, when are you going to meet her?”

Laurent pushed him away playfully. “I’ll be meeting her in a few days.”

“Oh, well that’s something to look forward to then! What’s her name?”

“Her Royal Highness, Colette de Lyon,” Laurent replied with unneeded flair.

“Sounds pretty,” Nicholas teased.

Laurent covered his face with his hands. “You’re not helping,” he whined.

“Okay, okay, sorry,” Nicholas said sincerely. “What can I do to help, then?”

“I don’t know. I need a distraction though.”

“Is there anything you have in mind?” Nicholas smirked as Laurent peeked out from behind his hands.

“Can I spend the afternoon with you?” the prince asked timidly.

“Of course. But you didn’t answer my question, Your Highness.” As he said this he got closer to Laurent.

“Oh, stop your teasing,” he whined, pushing Nicholas away again and sitting up. “All I was thinking about was getting out of the castle. Can we do that?”

“Of course,” Nicholas smiled. “When would you like to leave?”

“Now? Can we go now?”

Nicholas let out a light laugh. “I suppose we can, yeah.”

With that they made their way down to the courtyard. Despite the squire’s slight annoyance at having to saddle up Nicholas’ horse so soon, he helped them saddle up two horses then they went on their way.

They rode out in the open with the warm summer sun beating down on them, chasing any sort of breeze they could find. Eventually they came across some trees and decided to stop for a break and rest beneath the shade that they provided. They dismounted their horses and let them stay in the shade of the trees as well.

Nicholas and Laurent both laid beneath a beautiful tree, hidden from the heat of the sun, when Nicholas got an idea.

“I’m going to climb this tree,” he said, sitting up.

“Why?” Laurent asked with a laugh.

“It’s something to do,” he replied, standing up and walking over to the base of the tree. Laurent didn’t bother to sit up, he simply turned his head to watch his friend from his place on the ground.

“Climb the tree if you’d like, I’m not going to stop you.”

“I would have gladly done it without your permission,” Nicholas laughed.

Since he wasn’t wearing most of his armour, Nicholas managed to get up into the tree with relative ease. Sitting on a sturdy branch, he reached down and picked an apple off of a branch from a nearby apple tree.

“Be careful,” Laurent said rather nonchalantly as he watched Nicholas.

“I’m fine, Laurent. I’d be more worried about yourself if I was you.”

“And why-”

“Catch!” Nicholas dropped the apple he was holding, and Laurent had to roll out of the way to keep it from hitting him.

“What was that for?” he asked, sitting up and glaring at Nicholas who was laughing.

“I told you to catch it!”

“You aimed for my head!”

“I’d never do something like that,” he said playfully. Laurent picked up the apple and tossed it up and down in his hand.

“I ought to throw this at you, you know.”

“And if I fall out of this tree and end up with a broken arm you’ll have to live with that on your conscience.”

“It might be worth the risk,” he said, pretending to contemplate actually throwing the apple.

“Oh, what has gotten into you, Your Highness?” Nicholas said with a smile.

“You’re the one who actually threw an apple!”

“Ah, you’ve got me there.” Nicholas reached down again to pick another apple and Laurent watched him attentively as he did so. But instead of throwing it at Laurent, he brought it to his mouth and took a bite.

“How is it?” Laurent asked.

“Bitter,” he said, then he took another bite. Laurent cleaned off his own apple on his shirt sleeve before taking a bite.

“Is yours any better?” Nicholas asked.

“Yes, actually.”

“Lucky.” With that, Nicholas put his apple in his mouth and climbed out of the tree, and when he reached the ground he sat down next to Laurent.

“You should’ve gotten some apples for our horses while you were up there,” Laurent remarked, looking in their direction.

“Well it’s a bit late for that now. You can do it though, you don’t even need to climb the tree.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Laurent said as he stood up and walked over to the apple tree. But when he looked up at the branches he realized that they were in fact too high up for him to reach. Not wanting to admit defeat, Laurent walked over to the base of the large oak tree instead.

“I said you didn’t need to climb the tree?” Nicholas said, confused. “Wait, do you actually need to climb the tree?” he asked with a laugh.

“No. I just thought it would be fun,” Laurent replied, not wanting to admit that Nicholas was right.

“If you say so, Your Highness,” he smiled.

Laurent looked up at the tree for a moment, looking for places he could grab a hold of to help him climb up. He must have hesitated for too long, because Nicholas came up behind him.

“Do you need any help?” he asked.

“Not at all, no, I’m fine,” Laurent said stubbornly, not bothering to turn and look at him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

Nicholas was unconvinced.

“You know…” he started, a teasing tone in his voice, “Instead of climbing the tree you could sit on my shoulders. That way you’d be able to reach the branches, and you wouldn’t risk hurting yourself.”

At that Laurent turned around to face him, but the look on Nicholas’ face made him seem completely serious.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“What could go wrong?”

Both men could think of a few different ways it could go wrong, but neither of them felt the need to actually address them.

“Okay, I’ll go along with your plan, but if I fall then it’s your fault.”

It was a little awkward, but eventually Laurent got up on Nicholas’ shoulders, his hands on the prince’s thighs to help hold him up, the prince’s hands on top of his. He walked under the apple tree, and Laurent carefully reached up and managed to pick a few apples from their branches.

“You can put me down now, Nicholas.”

He thought about it for a moment. Yes, he could put Laurent down, or he could…

“Nicholas?” Laurent said, trying to gain his attention.

“Yes, Your Highness?” Nicholas said, giving a small squeeze on his thighs as reassurance.

“Are you going to put me down?”

“Err… yes.” He helped Laurent down from his shoulders and Laurent took note of his hesitance, but didn’t say anything about it. He walked over to their horses and fed them the apples that he picked, which they graciously accepted.

They spent the rest of the afternoon riding their horses, before finding some place to hide from the heat, but eventually they decided they should head back to the castle. Once they arrived they dismounted their horses and went to the stables. Because of the time of day the men that usually took care of the horses were within the castle itself, so Nicholas and Laurent took care of their horses themselves.

“Seems like we missed supper,” Laurent commented as they finished up and started walking towards the castle.

“You’re probably right. We should go see Diane, she’ll no doubt have something for us.”

They walked through the castle halls, and managed to avoid running into anyone, and soon enough they made it to the kitchen. Nicholas walked in rather cautiously, looking for Diane, and when he saw her he signaled her over.

Diane was a kind woman, with long brown hair which had already started greying despite her young age. She was shorter than Nicholas, but was physically strong and very capable of holding her own.

“Sir Nicholas,” she said, giving a bow to the knight, “did you and the prince miss supper again?”

“I’m afraid we did.”

“There might be something around here I can give you,” she said with a smile, before turning and walking back into the kitchen. It didn’t take her long, and she returned with a tray with two bowls of soup and some freshly sliced bread.

“Thank you, Diane,” Nicholas said, taking the tray from her, “I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

“Oh, it’s no problem, Sir. Though, you ought to tell the prince to come in here one of these days.”

“I’ll tell him, but you know how he is,” he gave a weak smile.

“I understand, yes. Go on, now, you’ll want to eat it while it’s still warm,” Diane smiled.

“Okay, and thank you, again. I’ll return these before the night is out,” he said, referring to the tray and dishware. Nicholas walked out of the kitchen then turned the corner to where Laurent was waiting.

“You should really-”

“I already know what you’re going to say,” the prince interrupted him.

“Well, Diane misses talking with you, you really should see her.”

“I know that…” he said quietly as they started walking, “but there are always so many people in the kitchen, and they’re all always so formal with me.”

“You are the prince. They need to be formal when around you.”

“Well I understand that, but I don’t have to like it.”

They went up to the prince’s quarters and ate their supper and talked the night away. Eventually they realized the late hour and went their separate ways for the night, Nicholas to the kitchen and Laurent to the chapel. After returning everything to Diane, Nicholas went to the chapel himself to say his nightly prayers, but he must have just missed Laurent. Nicholas finished it up quickly enough, then retired to his own quarters for the night.

Comments & reviews · 8
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junipers
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Spiral, Annas111 is from NovelStar and it is a scam. I strongly suggest that you don't submit any of your things or sign up for that competition.

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Plume
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Plume wrote a review · Thu Apr 15, 2021 12:07 pm

Hey there! Plume here, with a review! I noticed your piece in the green room and decided to give it a review to bump it out! ^-^

I really enjoyed reading this piece! It's looking like it's gonna be a gay historical romance, which I absolutely adore (you can never have too many of those.) I think your writing voice is very personable and it immediately resonated with me. Nice work!

One thing I enjoyed about this was the consistency. I think you establish the overall aspects of the story at the beginning (like the tone, the characters, the sort of ~vibe~ of it) and then you perpetuate them throughout the piece. I think it works really well and in your favor. That's one thing I always struggle with as a writer, keeping a consistent voice and vibe, but I think you nailed it. Nice work!

One thing I wondered about was the nature of the relationship between Nicolas and Laurent. Like the other review mentioned, the interactions between them seemed a little... strained? Stilted? Awkward? One of those words. I wasn't really feeling the chemistry between them, you know? I think a part of it was that a lot of the more flirty dialogue felt contrived and a touch cliche, too. I feel like doing some character development and really nailing the character voices could help bring some vitality to it, as well as changing some of the lines to be more unique and such.

Specifics

“Right, well thank you for your help.” With that Nicholas walked out of the courtyard in search of the prince.


This is small, but you need a comma after "With that."

And he should’ve known by that point that Nicholas is always out in the mornings.


I know that Nicholas being out in the mornings is a perpetuated action, and even thought it might seem like using "is" is correct, you should use "was." So, "Nicholas was always out." It's just cause the rest of the piece is in past tense, and you want to make sure the tenses match.

Overall: nice work! I'm excited to see what direction the story takes!

Hi spiral,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

With historical novels, I'm always very interested in what the author does with it. Is it an accurate reflection of the time or is it just set in that time for the sake of the story?

After reading the first part, I can't give my own opinion yet. I don't know yet how the relationship will develop, as Diane is introduced and Colette is mentioned. I think Nicholas and Laurent could go well together, but their conversation during the story still seems a bit too formal and dry. (But maybe something will develop out of it?).

This part is very dialogue heavy. It gives the reading a very fast flow. However, I notice that Nicholas and Laurent still lack that certain something in some places. In some places, especially in the middle section, you can't read out directly who is saying what if it's not indicated. Of course, you can make it out, but the two have the same language, so it can get a little unclear. You would have to give the two more of a uniqueness that goes beyond Nicholas "Your Highness".

What I'm missing so far is to expand the setting a little more. The title says Renaissance Romance, but you can't really tell from the text where this Renaissance is yet. I would guess that it is set in France in the late 15th century, early 16th century based on the names, but I could be wrong. The descriptions would have to be developed more to get a clearer view.

I think the last section is written a little too quickly. There is a lot of information that is given in just a few lines and it seems to me as if you wanted to finish the chapter right away. For my taste, it needs to be expanded a little more.

Still, it's promising for the first chapter. You get to know Nicholas and Laurent and you can tell a little about their personalities. Although not much has happened yet plot-wise, apart from getting to know the two of them, I think it's very good for the first chapter to go down exactly this route. Nevertheless, the plot should not falter so as not to tire the readers.

I'm curious to see how the next chapter will be presented and what means you'll use there to try to open up the plot further. I hope my review didn't sound too harsh. :D I liked the story so far, because I don't know exactly where the plot will take me yet.

Have fun writing it! :D

Mailice.

thank you for the review !

i chose a historical fiction because i got really interested in the renaissance lately, and i didn't mind doing research about it. and also it's what works best for the story i have in mind.

i understand what you're saying about their conversations, in truth i didn't do much characterization before i wrote this. i'm not the best at describing things, but i agree that it would add a lot to the story. and yes, that last section was rushed.

also, you were spot on with late 15th early 16th century France. that's the vague setting that i had in mind.

but overall, thank you for the review. it was a bit harsh, but all your critiques were reasonable.



You never really know how much of you takes residence in other people... We all exchange bits and pieces of ourselves with each other until we're big sparkly collages of everyone and everything we've ever loved
— GengarTheGhost