Published August 2, 2013
Another Instance comes along. I wasn’t expecting it, as is often the case, ever unexpected because the unexpected has this tendency to confuse me and frustrate me. So this Instance, this Moment, comes along and in a most entirely unexpected way, I find myself propelled along the tunnel of it, moving along down this strangely lit hallway with a variety of doors to places I don’t know, with a lot of disorienting lights, and on the other end is this “Possibility,” whatever that is. This isn't how I planned things. I was just taking a drive.
Along this drive comes along this company of Potential, and I’ll tell you, I know a lot better than to let a Moment go, and so I went on this Adventure in the middle of nowhere, unaware, unknowing, un-expecting. I’m not a pessimist, but I almost wish I were so I would not have to yet again face the yes’s or the no’s of this possible or impossible thing. I never ask for this stuff to happen, but, dang it…
I anticipated little out of this drive considering I’ve been down so many roads and run out of gas for each. I thought I felt myself drifting onto a similar track, but it seemed the scenery was an awful lot different here. This was that aforementioned tunnel, all these lights I wasn’t sure I wanted to look at. The tunnel was dark and the Possibility hanging around at that other end was quite a distance away, and I wasn’t sure that I had to fuel to get me there. I wasn’t sure I wanted to try.
Thing is, along all those previous Instances were the spotless views of the place I thought I was going. The trees swayed in a subtle motion with these precious little clouds drifting above them and gliding forward in the direction I thought I wanted to go. But after gazing too long, I suppose it wore down the canvas, and the threads that held together that perfect landscape began to unravel into nothing.
Today I’m stopped along this tunnel, sort of thinking my options might look a lot nicer if I just put myself in reverse and gave myself no options at all. I'm not used to the blankness of it all, of the blank walls around me telling me nothing about the road I'm taking. So I think about turning around. I think that’d certainly be a lot easier, but I’m not sure my cowardice equates to cautiousness in this case.
I might take my foot off the gas. I might just see where this momentum takes me.
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Canary word: Present
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140,171 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
It's an interesting metaphor. From what I gather, you're comparing the multiple options you can take in life to traveling along different roads. Sometimes you start going down a road that looks promising, only to find yourself get stuck after running out of gas. And now you find yourself trapped where the only options are either to turn around or just keep going and see where the momentum takes you.
Anyways, on style, I didn't like the constant capitalization of certain words. Seemed a bit obvious and devoid of any actual meaning. I also think your piece works best when it's kept vague. For example, this works rather well:
But here you start getting a little too descriptive:
I'd get rid of "precious little" and "perfect."
Overall, it's interesting, but I'd avoid any attempts at being poetic. This piece is at its best when the language is stark and the style is simple.
Hey there! Cailey here for a review. This was good, and the way you write is really unique. It's like you're telling a story, but also just talking to yourself. I like it.
Only problem is it made it a little bit hard to focus while I was reading. While you weren't really going off on any rabbit trails, somehow your writing style made me distracted. I was reading, but still thinking about the line before, or the line after.
I don't know if any of that that I just said makes any sense. I hope so. If not, I'm terribly sorry, don't mind me.
On one hand, I really liked the repetition of unexpected in the first paragraph. It really enforced the unexpectedness of the whole thing. On the other hand, it may have been a little bit too much repetition, since I got kind of sick of the word by the end.
I like the capitalized Instance and Potential and all of those words, since it makes them pop out, you know? It was good.
I also like how this whole thing feels like it has a double meaning. I mean, you could just be talking about getting lost while going on a drive, which the title backs up.
However, you could also be talking about the road of life, and driving doesn't really mean driving, it's just you going on with life. I like that. Of course, if it is this second, the GPS in the title is slightly misleading. Or maybe you mean for it to be.
Oh goodness. I feel like I am just rambling. I hope at least some of this was helpful, or at least encouraging. I did like this, and while I think you could work on making it a little bit more clear, it was still good even with the confusingness of the piece. (Yes, that is a word.) That's it, Keep writing!
Haha you're fine! Definitely some helpful comments.It'll help me clean it up a bit, and thanks for the kind words.
So first things first: awesome story! I really like how you personified potential and instance and the others. I also like the metaphors you used--explaining your character's problem in an every-day, relatable situation like driving.
There are just two things I spotted that you might take a look at. In the second paragraph, the first line is repetitive. You use along twice--maybe you could cut out the second along, before this company? In the third paragraph, second-to-last sentence, it should be "had the fuel." But those are just little mistakes.
And can I mention I, like, genuinely love this line: "But after gazing too long, I suppose it wore down the canvas, and the threads that held together that perfect landscape began to unravel into nothing." Epic. The vocabulary is so colorful and the image is so creative!
Overall, this is a wonderful story. Thank you for posting this up and taking the time to read this review!
--Blue
*gushing* thank you bunches. :] you are awesome.