"I'm tired of the world that I'm living in.
I need to start a new life and begin again.
I don't want to be with you anymore."
With those words, her man walks right out the door.
She follows him out into the cloudy world,
And in the front yard, he says he doesn't need the girl.
She thought he'd once promised to always love her,
But now he tells her that he loves another.
Chorus: Beat down, in the rain, and she ran from him,
Slam down, on the street, 'cause she'll never win.
Tears down, on her face, what a mess she's in.
Hands up, she hopes he'll learn his lesson.
He yells in surprise and runs after her,
Hoping they'll be okay, but they never were.
His heart wants to take all of his words back,
But his head wouldn't let his mouth do that.
He finally finds her standing in the street,
Both heads and both hearts feeling incomplete.
He knows what he did what a big mistake
She hopes it's a dream from which she cannot wake.
Chorus
He should have listened to his heart,
Should have listened from the start.
Well, we all have things to learn,
And sadly this was his.
Still in the street, she falls, to her dirty knees.
His heart wants to call her in, but his head disagrees.
Too bad, to his heart, he never listened,
Too bad she didn't see the car coming.
Chorus
Beat down, in the rain, and she ran from him.
Slam down, on the street, 'cause she'll never win.
Tears down on her face, what a mess she's in.
Dear Lord, I hope he learned his lesson.
[Okay, so she shouldn't have been in the street to begin with... but still. Any suggestions? Comments?]
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Question--does it have anything to do with what I think it does?
Comments--I loved it!!! It had a nice flow to it. And no, I'm not just saying that because we're best friends.
Other than that, which Natalie pointed out, you misspelled "knees" but that was a simple typo.
HEY SPIKER!!!
Besides spelling "knees" "kness", which I know was just a typo, there's nothiing else that I see needs changing.
Nice, this is AWESOME!
Are you gonna sing it?? LOL
-Nat
Hmm... I'll read it out loud and see if 'dirty' works.
Thank you for your suggestions!
I loved this but as I read it I kinda got my own little beat and I think you should take out dirty where it says she falls to her dirty knees. Also where it says car coming I think it should be car com-ing. this just a suggestion read it aloud maybe and see what you think. I liked this though. Good Job!!!