Published December 7, 2008
loneliness
games,laughter and joy all of them i hav,
but i am alone.
frnds both girls and boys i hav,
but i still mourn.
a strange emptiness is making my heart hollow,
that's why i feel so low.
hundereds of people surround me,
but i still feel alone.
then i saw an empty place,
and then i remembered an angel.
who had flown down from the sky one day,
back then she was a stranger.
she laughed and joked and had fun wid us,
she touched our hearts and minds.
then on one day she quietly flew away,leaving many happy memories behind.
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Canary word: Present
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141,397 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
OMG Dhriti...
I love this poem...every time I read it, it just touches my heat n i feel like crying...
I am sorry i left you there and came here...i wish i was right there with you...
Thank you so much for writing this wonderful poem for me...
love you...
miss you so much..
- Anshita
Okay...
Nice. First of all: Write all the words out. Chat speak is not good.
Secondly(and it's a common one.) You must write " i " like this:
" I "
Next problem. Just like in any other story, when there is a full stop, the next sentence automatically starts with a capital letter. Same rules here.
The 'low' on the end of the 2 line doesn't do it for me. I feel that you must replace it with another word.
The first line is okay. I think at the start of the second line, "who" must be replaced with "she" or whatever.
I think it was a good poem.
Good job.
i wrote it for my best frnd
who was like my sister
she is now in canada n am in india
Hi there! Good work, I liked it. But....
Ok, so you have to capitalize the words in the beginning of the lines (not all, you have to see the context). Hav is not spelled that way, and capitalize the I's.
Over all, i liked it
Review it, and keep on writing!