When clouds crowd the sky,
And the spark of hope seems to die.
When all the colors of life are drained away,
And you go through hell each day.
When the world seems a nightmare,
Just whisper my name and ill be there.
When the flowers of love wither away,
And life turns a shade of gray.
When your heart is engulfed in sorrow,
And inside you feel so hollow.
When the warmth of friendship is rare,
Just turn back and ill be there.
When all your friends are nowhere to be seen,
And the whole world suddenly turns all mean.
When life seems to be a sad song,
And everything goes all wrong.
When you need someone, but no one cares,
Just look beside your shoulder and ill be there.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
all considered, it has a really sweet topic, but i think that the verses don't flow quite right. what i would try to do is just read it aloud a few times and edit it so that there are about the same amount of sylobles in each line. And i really mean read ALOUD it will helt you so much. I really like your poem though.. so cute XD! good work!
I was hesitant to read it, since the topic itself is a bit overdone. However, I felt this piece was very lovely.
My only suggestions would be:
Perhaps make it "When the colors of life..." or "When all life's colors...". Might help it flow more smoothly.
Just a few grammatical errors. Be sure to check twice.
Maybe "Just look beside your shoulder" would be better as "Look over your shoulder"? It's up to you.
Overall, I thought it gave off a nice feeling, though I would have liked to see a bit of the speaker's reason for being such a good friend - a bit of background. Still, I really liked this.
Keep on writing!
This was a nice poem, but there were some things in it you could improve.
First of all, I'll has an apostrophe in it. "ill" means sick, and that doesn't fit in the lines.
Also, I don't get a sense of who these people are. You aren't making me care for the depressed one, or the one who is trying to help. You don't tell me why the depressed one is depressed.
All in all, though, you have a very good start.