I wouldn't move
I couldn't breathe
I'd close my eyes,
so hard to believe.
I'd try to imagine,
how it went so fast,
why didn't you say,
it wouldn't last.
And now it's gone,
took me away
my love for you
why did you play?
I lay here
in the dark
leave the pieces
of my heart.
I guess it's true
what they said
there is no cure
when the love is dead.
Watch my heart
turn to stone
because you're with her
and I'm alone.
But to be honest
it was quite fair
because I know
you'll never care.
A broken heart
a twisted mind
that's what you left
more of your kind.
It takes the ice
of a stone heart
to tear a pure one
clean apart.
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140,714 Literary Works • 673,675 Reviews
Beautiful. Simply beautiful. Amazing. I felt the emotion contained in this poem. You did a great job. Keep up the work.
Wow. This poem blew me away, it's so powerful and moving, I loved it!
The only thing i can think to say is the use of stanzas. They will break up your poem into easier-to-digest chunks, rather than having one long verse. I would say break it up into quatrains (stanzas of four lines each) as the poem is written in a way that would compliment this style and match it well.
All in all, keep going! Wish you all the best in future work.
I did that but the spaces don't show up
every four lines there should be a break ...
Oh, well never mind then, this is perfect
God, This made me tear up. So amazing. Please, continue writing. Much emotion in this and very relatable. I Love it.
Wow. Okay, wow. THIS WAS AMAZING!
*wipes tears from face* I'm not really crying, but yeah, this was kinda emotional.
You turned a simple subject into a fantastic poem.
Rhyming! I love rhyming, and you did it wonderfully. I fall for rhyming pretty easily, an almost all poems on here with rhyming are great, but this one! FANTABULOUS!!
I don't really have anything to criticize. I like your format; the lines are seperated pretty equally and the syllables match perfectly.
Sorry if this wasn't much of a help, (not really, XP) but I thought this was a super nice poem. <3
Hello! Ninjawaffles here!
I really, really loved your poem and the feeling it gave me sent shivers up and down my spine! There is only one thing that might just be a missed letter (it just looks better to me this way, this is my opinion);
'here is no cure'
I think it should be 'there' and not 'here' but hey, you could've meant 'here' so who am I to judge.
Anyways, lovely poem!
9.999/10 stars!