Published March 4, 2011
dive in
deep mysteries await
although
you have no fate
no conclusion comes
flash
pain as loud
as drums
heart beating
lost in deep blue
drowning
flash
in lost truth
hope
fate
dreams fade
in the mist
as I drownedlove is as strong as the winds that pulled you down so strong it pulls you back up ~dreamer~
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
Nice poem, just try to make it longer and help the reader understand exactly *who* is talking. Reveal a little something, to make it pop. Make your poem special. That's all.
Punctuation is key, my friend.
Keep on writing!
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-Jojo
The poem needs punctuation to dictate some kind of tempo: At the moment it is just a mesh of words in a column. However you do have a strong opening, the two d's of dive and deep work very well.