Once Upon a Morning Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I got through the window and winced in pain. The blood had dripped coldly and slowly down my leg and into my tennis shoe and sock.

“Violet! What happened to you?” Sophie asked.

“It’s a slightly long story, Soph.”

“I’m going to get Aunt Nancy!”

“Sophie, no!” I yelled after her, “She’ll know I left the house and I probably wouldn’t get lunch or dinner either.”

“Well what are we going to do? That cut looks awful,” Sophie said worried.

“Soph...go get me a washrag with cold water. Maybe get several. I can take care of this myself.”

“Fine, but if it gets worse I’m going to get Aunt Nancy.”

She disappeared into the other room several feet away. I heard the water turn on in the sink as I began to take off my shoes.

“Here.”

“Thanks.” I said as I began to soak up the blood with the ice-cold washrag. Even though it was water the cut tingled with pain making me grimace.

“Oh my gosh,” Sophie whispered.

“What?”

“Listen?”

I heard muffled words from the kitchen.

“Aunt Nancy is about to come up here. Go! Hide!”

“Where?”

“The bathroom!”

I ran into the bathroom carrying all of the evidence. I heard muffled footsteps clicking against the wooden stairs.

“Where is Violet, Sophie?”

“Uh...in the bathroom. She had to go to the bathroom,” she spoke as her voice shook.

“Oh really? I haven’t heard any racket up here all morning. Are you sure she’s in the bathroom? Your not lying are you?”

“I’m p-p-positive. Go knock. I promise she’s in there.”

“Violet? Open this door RIGHT NOW!” Aunt Nancy screamed.

“I’m sort of busy right now.”

“I DON’T CARE!”

I got up off the floor and hid the evidence. I flushed the toilet to make it seem realistic and opened the door slightly hiding my leg.

“Yes?” I asked trying to sound calm.

“When your...presentable for lunch, which to let you know is in five minutes, I need you to get down here and help clean the house. You need to stop being lazy,” Aunt Nancy said as she turned around the leave.

I heard her shoes clonk down the steps and the door slam shut. I hurried over to wrap my leg up again with bandages.

“What does she mean by presentable?” Sophie asked.

“I’m not sure. I guess nicer than I look at the moment,” I replied.

Once I looked in the mirror, I saw what Aunt Nancy had seen. Dirt globs were tangled inside me hair, my skin was caked with dirt, grass stains, and scratches, my shirt had ripped some near my chest, along with my jeans, which were ripped from my thigh down. I wondered whether or not Aunt Nancy had noticed the dirt on my body.

I grabbed the washrag and put it under the ice water. I scrubbed my face and skin shivering from the cold. Soon enough, I felt presentable.

“Your hair...” Sophie said.

“Yeah.”

I brushed it thoroughly and got all the dirt clumps out of the strands of my hair. I brushed it back and clipped a hair clip to dress it up a tad.

“How do I look?”

“Very presentable. You can’t even tell your leg is hurt anymore.”

“Good. But I can still tell you, it hurts like hell.”

I glided over to Sophie, limping slighting, and brushed her hair releasing all of the tangles out and then braided it down her thin back.

“Lets go before we’re late.”

I marched down the stairs trying not scream. I winced every few steps, trying not to make a sound.

Charlotte was seated at the table with Caroline beside her. Aunt Nancy, who absolutely loved to cook, was putting bowls on the table and saw us entering the kitchen.

“Wow, Violet. Your actually on time for a meal,” Charlotte said from her place.

“Yes, I am. Some people are just never late for a meal,” I replied glaring at her.

She smirked and scowled at me. I knew she would punch me, but she knew she would lose that fight. I was much stronger than anyone in the house...much stronger.

I went around the table to sit down in my place.

“Violet, I need the house squeaky clean. I need every single room including yours, which needs some serious dusting, clean. On Thursday morning we are having a brunch party for a new family in town and I need the house spotless.”

“Its only Sunday. Does it have to be done today? We have plenty of time.”

“For once can you follow orders without questioning or complaining? Wouldn’t that be a miracle?” Aunt Nancy said sarcastically asking the rhetorical question she asks herself often.

“I wasn’t complaining I just find it unnecessary to clean today if we’re having company on Thursday.”

“If you don’t shut up, you will be grounded to your room. I’ll drop your meals off in there for you. So shut up and follow orders. Hear me?”

“Yes.”

“Sophie, you can help her.”

“That’s okay, Aunt Nancy. I’ll do it myself. Sophie needs to rest.”

“No. Sophie is going to help you. Now eat,” She then mumbled, “Ungrateful children.”

I ignored her as best as I could as I ate the spaghetti she had made.

“Mother, Caroline and I would like to go shopping today for school clothes.”

“Hmmmm...I guess it is about time isn’t it,” She said getting up from her chair, “Do the dishes and clean this kitchen, Violet. Sophie go start cleaning the attic. We are going shopping. I want this house spotless by the time I get home,”

I nodded silently as I got up to clean.

*****

Aunt Nancy, Charlotte, and Caroline were still gone by the time it was dark. Sophie had finished the attic hours ago and I had only the living room left to do.

When I finished polishing the wooden table the front door flew open reveling Aunt Nancy, Charlotte, and Caroline and their ten plus shopping bags.

“Finished?” Charlotte asked wishing the worst upon me.

“Yes, as of ten seconds,” I sighed.

“Good,” Aunt Nancy stated, “Here.” She handed me two sandwiches she had gotten at a cheap fast food restraunt. I grabbed them from her hand and proceeded to the attic.

I went into the bedroom finding Sophie’s bed empty. I looked around for her in the bedroom until I heard a faint, muffled cough coming from the bathroom. I limped a bit into the bathroom finding Sophie’s thin, gaunt body lying limp on the floor next to the toilet.

I ran towards her and pressed my cold hands against her flaming hot forehead. Her face was flushed with fever and at the same time white with sickness.

Time passed slowly as I laid on the bathroom floor with her. I wasn’t sure what time it was. I didn’t know if minutes had passed or if it was hours. Finally I could tell she had drifted off to sleep. I carried her skinny, weightless body to her bed. I coaxed her face again with a washcloth doing everything I could possibly do to get her fever back down.

Sophie had congestive heart failure. She got sick often. I knew I should tell Aunt Nancy at times like these, but all would happen is she would go to the doctor with Aunt Nancy complaining and the doctors would say there’s nothing they can do until she’s ready for a transplant.

I sat by her bedside until I saw the sunlight start to break through the window. I was exhausted from a sleepless night and I knew I wouldn’t get sleep all day and maybe not even tonight. I groaned as I went to the bathroom to clean up. It was a horrid mess, and I knew eventually I would have to clean it anyways.

Several minutes later I heard Sophie cough again sending me running toward her. She was sitting up in bed looking just as tired as me.

“Violet...” She whispered.

“Are you alright?”

“I feel better.”

“Good. Would you like me to go get you some breakfast?”

“No. I’m not hungry,” She said making a face at the thought of food.

“Sophie...you have to eat something. Why don’t I get you some water and toast? You need something in your system. It will help you get stronger and almost back to your normal self.”

If you looked at Sophie without knowing her age, you would believe she was a severe underweight five year old.

She groaned in disgust.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

I walked quietly down the steps already hearing sizzling from the stove. I walked in and immediately saw Aunt Nancy looking at me with a surprised glare.

“Well, well. Your two hours early for breakfast. Isn’t that a change?”

“May I have some toast and water?”

“Get it yourself. And what is that awful smell?” She said glancing at me.

“Sophie’s sick. That’s why I need the toast.”

“Of course. I should have guessed. That sickly child...she has so much potential.”

I knew exactly what she meant. She had so much potential. Too bad she would never get to use it since she wouldn’t live that long. Of course I had though of that, but out of Aunt Nancy it was sarcasm. It is true; Sophie has a lot of potential. She’s smart and carries a sweet tune in her voice. Sometimes the thought of her never getting better makes me want to cry, but I know if I cry it will worry her and I know I have to paint on a good face for her.

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Random avatar
200397
Review
200397 wrote a review · Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:34 am

Hi, sparkle8744! I'm Sunny, and I shall do a review for you this evening. (At least, it's evening where I am, but I don't know what time it is to you.) :lol;

Okay, so bold is a correction, italics is a comment, underlined is what I will comment on, and [s]strike through[/s] is . . . what it is. :P


sparkle8744 wrote:Chapter 2

I got through the window and winced in pain. The blood [s]had[/s] dripped coldly and slowly down my leg and into my tennis shoe, [/s]and[/s] soaking my sock. Simply putting "got" is extremely boring. You might change it to "clambered" or "fought". This first line is not exactly captivating.

* I can tell you right now I'm going to add in a lot of movement and description, but feel free to disregard as much of it as you like.

Sophie spotted me and jumped up, her eyes wide. “Violet! What happened to you?” Sophie asked.

“It’s a slightly long story, Soph.” I hobbled across the room to her, trying not to drip blood on the carpet; that would be hard to explain away to Aunt Nancy.

“I’m going to get Aunt Nancy!” Sophie looked frightened as she fixed her eyes on my leg, edging toward the door.

“Sophie, no!” I yelled after her. “She’ll know I left the house and I probably wouldn’t get lunch or dinner [s]either[/s].”

“Well, what are we going to do? That cut looks awful,” Sophie said, sounding worried.

“Soph...go get me a washrag with cold water, will you?. Maybe get several. I can take care of this myself.”

“Fine, but if it gets worse I’m going to get Aunt Nancy.”

She disappeared into the other room [s]several feet away[/s]. I heard the water turn on in the sink as I began to take off my shoes wincing as I tried to avoid touching the bleeding area. I could feel the blood pumping out of it, and every beat made it ache worse.

“Here.” Sophie handed me a handful of rags dripping with water.

“Thanks,” I said as I began to soak up the blood with the ice-cold washrag. Even though it was water the cut tingled with pain, making me grimace.

“Oh my gosh,” Sophie whispered, standing stock still, her ears pricked and her eyes wide.

“What?”

“Listen!

I heard muffled words from the kitchen, and as a result my heart started pumping faster.

“Aunt Nancy is about to come up here. Go! Hide!”

“Where?”

“The bathroom!”

I ran precariously into the bathroom carrying all of the evidence. I heard muffled footsteps clicking against the wooden stairs.

“Where is Violet, Sophie?” Aunt Nancy's voice carried to my hiding place.

“Uh...in the bathroom. She had to go to the bathroom,” she spoke as her voice shook.

“Oh, really? I haven’t heard any racket up here all morning. Are you sure she’s in the bathroom? You're not lying, are you?”

“I’m p-p-positive. Go knock. I promise she’s in there.”

“Violet? Open this door [s]RIGHT NOW[/s] right now!” Aunt Nancy screamed.

“I’m sort of busy [s]right now[/s] at the moment.”

“I DON’T CARE!”

I got up off the floor and hid the evidence in the bathtub. I flushed the toilet to make it seem realistic and opened the door slightly, hiding my leg.

“Yes?” I asked trying to sound calm.

“When you're...presentable for lunch, which, to let you know[/b] is in five minutes, I need you to get down here and help clean the house. You need to stop being lazy,” Aunt Nancy said as she turned around [s]the[/s] to leave.

I heard her shoes clonk down the steps and the door slam shut. I hurried over to wrap my leg up again with bandages.

“What does she mean by presentable?” Sophie asked, coming into the bathroom.

“I’m not sure. [s]I guess n[/s] Nicer than I look at the moment, I guess,” I replied.

Once I looked in the mirror, I saw what Aunt Nancy had seen. Dirt globs were tangled inside [s]me[/s] my hair, my skin was caked with dirt, grass stains, and scratches, my shirt had ripped some near my chest, along with my jeans, which were ripped from my thigh down. I wondered whether or not Aunt Nancy had noticed the dirt on my body.

I grabbed the washrag and put it under the ice water. I scrubbed my face and skin, shivering from the cold. Soon enough, I felt presentable.

“Your hair...” Sophie said pointedly.

“Yeah.”

I brushed it thoroughly and got all the dirt clumps out of the strands of my hair. I brushed it back and clipped a hair clip to dress it up a tad.

“How do I look?”

“Very presentable. You can’t even tell your leg is hurt anymore.”

“Good. But I can still tell you, it hurts like hell.”

I glided over to Sophie, limping slighting, and brushed her hair releasing all of the tangles out and then braided it down her thin back.

“Lets go before we’re late.”

I marched down the stairs trying not scream. I winced every few steps, trying not to make a sound.

Charlotte was seated at the table with Caroline beside her. Aunt Nancy, who absolutely loved to cook, was putting bowls on the table and saw us entering the kitchen.

“Wow, Violet. Your actually on time for a meal,” Charlotte said sarcastically from her place.

“Yes, I am. Some people are just never late for a meal,” I replied glaring at her.

She smirked and scowled at me. I knew she would punch me, but she knew she would lose that fight. I was much stronger than anyone in the house...much stronger.

I went around the table to sit down in my place.

“Violet, I need the house squeaky clean. I need every single room including yours, which needs some serious dusting, clean. On Thursday morning we are having a brunch party for a new family in town and I need the house spotless.”

“It's only Sunday. Does it have to be done today? We have plenty of time.”

“For once can you follow orders without questioning or complaining? Wouldn’t that be a miracle?” Aunt Nancy said sarcastically asking the rhetorical question she asks herself often.

“I wasn’t complaining. I just find it unnecessary to clean today if we’re having company on Thursday.”

“If you don’t shut up, you will be grounded to your room. I’ll drop your meals off in there for you. So shut up and follow orders. Hear me?”

“Yes.”

“Sophie, you can help her.”

“That’s okay, Aunt Nancy. I’ll do it myself. Sophie needs to rest.”

“No. Sophie is going to help you. Now eat,” She then mumbled, “Ungrateful children.”

I ignored her as best as I could as I ate the spaghetti she had made.

“Mother, Caroline and I would like to go shopping today for school clothes.”

“Hmmmm...I guess it is about time isn’t it,” She said getting up from her chair, “Do the dishes and clean this kitchen, Violet. Sophie go start cleaning the attic. We are going shopping. I want this house spotless by the time I get home,”

I nodded silently as I got up to clean.


Sorry, I had to stop here. Again, if you don't like any of the corrections/additions I've made, just disregard them. The only advice I have for you is to add some more description into your writing, instead of just filling it up with dialogue. If you have any questions, just PM me. :)

Good job and keep it up!

~Sunny

User avatar
omsvmars22
Review

Hey there! Thanks for the PM! :)

Okay here it goes...

I thought this chapter was good, not bad, but not great either. These chapters are needed though, they're filler chapters and a chance for your readers to really get to know your characters. In that aspect I thought you did very well.

I liked that we really got to know more of the characters, it was slow paced but any faster and it would have felt rushed. :wink:

One thing I will warn against is that her aunt and two cousins are starting to sound a bit too Cinderella. I like that it has some similarities to Cinderella but I think the whole cleaning the house till it shines while they go out shopping might have been a bit too over the top. However I shall shut up now as it is only two chapters in so there is still plenty of time for you to make me eat my words. :lol:

With only a few typos there weren't that many mistakes (a good read though will help you spot them) and I am not really one for nit picks anyway...sorry!

Alright! So once again, I thought it was a good chapter and I want to continue reading your story! I want to know what happens! So all in all your doing your job. Can't wait to read what you come up with! :)

PM me again?

Good Job and Good Luck!



An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that life's going to launch you into something great, so just focus and keep aiming.
— Unknown