Young Writers Society

Hey, its rubes here with a review. Just to make this clearly stated, I seperate my reviews into 3 sections. Section one involves of me explaining my first thoughts and impressions, after 1 read through. The second section is my picking apart of quotes, whilst explaining my viewpoints and thoughts on parts. Then lastly, the third section is an overall rating of the piece itself.

First impressions: I like it, the story line and emotions are very clear to the listeners/readers, which is important as that is what songs are meant to do. They are meant to make us feel or remember something.

"do you really want me
here right now?"

"neither of us figured out
how to heal from our past scars"

"and i have a list of fears
but you seem to be
every single one of them"

Hey!!! Rhyme, here!!!

I love ur song. I'm a songwriter too. Your voice is so amazing.

I love your lyrics SO MUCH

"what if i came here with a
dream to be gone?
the moment i saw you i
knew something was wrong
i’ve learned and loved and lost
too many times before
i can’t tell you just how much i’ve changed
but my body’s keeping score
and i know it’s easier
when i am alone
not two but just one
leaving for fun
and now i’m getting older
and now i’m getting older"

Your voice and lyrics are magical

Hi soundofmind! hannah0528 here for a quick review. I hope it is helpful!



Grows:
Well this isn't a mistake but could you do a vocaroo recording of it? It is blocked on my computer XD. If that is possible, at least. I would like to listen to it! I didn't really find any grammatical issues in here so...


Glows:
Oh wow! This was a beautiful song! I think my favorite part was this:


"do you really want me
here right now?
it seemed like you were scared
neither of us figured out
how to heal from our past scars
though we were million miles apart
i still feel like we’re two parts of the same picture"

it painted beautiful imagery and I liked the metaphors and similes in there, great use of them!



I hope this was helpful! Keep writing and have great day! I hope to hear more from you.


Sincerely,

hannah0528

Ahhh both the lyrics and the music are gorgeous!

Hello! I'm a lover of both music and poetry, so I'll touch a little on both the music and the lyrics ^^

The song in general feels very mysterious. The opening especially, with it's focus on what isn't known and how it's difficult to keep track of all that's happened. I love the gentle guitar and hummed chords. The second "and now i'm getting older" is gorgeously haunting and the way you let it linger really emphasises the bitterness of both the note and the thought.

Onto the B section! I find it really interesting how you changed to a major key. The lyrics feel darker here, with an emphasis on pain, fear, and memory, but the music became more hopeful. It's a really intriguing contrast.
In my opinion, the way you paced the lyrics at some points was a little odd, like with the longer rest in "neither of us figured out/how to heal from our past scars," since neither line contains a complete thought.

The transition back to the minor key was a lot more sudden than what I think fits the tone of the song. It felt like you were wandering throughout most of it, and while some of the sounds were unexpected, you arrived there naturally. The change back to minor felt like suddenly pivoting and deciding to march backwards a few steps before wandering again, if that made any sense.

All things considered, I loved listening to this. Your songwriting skills are seriously amazing. I hope my review can help future projects!
Keep writing (and singing)!

This is super pretty sound <3 and the melody / singing is really dream-like sounding too, which I think really matches the vibe of the lyrics! You always do such a beautiful job, glad you shared this!

<333