Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Lyrics » Lyrical


dream to be gone

by soundofmind


A/N: Please listen to the song as you read if you're able. Click here to listen. All the music and singing is done by me!

what if i came here with a
dream to be gone?
the moment i saw you i
knew something was wrong
i’ve learned and loved and lost
too many times before
i can’t tell you just how much i’ve changed
but my body’s keeping score
and i know it’s easier
when i am alone
not two but just one
leaving for fun
and now i’m getting older
and now i’m getting older

do you really want me
here right now?
it seemed like you were scared
neither of us figured out
how to heal from our past scars
though we were million miles apart
i still feel like we’re two parts of the same picture

did you miss my face at all?
did it hurt too much to fall
one more time
over and over?
you know, it’s been a long five years
and i have a list of fears
but you seem to be
every single one of them

i don’t know if i can handle
another goodbye
like that one
and you know what i’m talking bout
though you don’t want to talk about-
you really haven’t changed, have you?
or have you?

what if i came here with a
dream to be gone?
the moment i saw you i
knew something was wrong

what if i came here with a
dream to be gone?


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
86 Reviews


Points: 11466
Reviews: 86

Donate
Tue May 04, 2021 4:04 pm
hannah314159 wrote a review...



Hi soundofmind! hannah0528 here for a quick review. I hope it is helpful!



Grows:
Well this isn't a mistake but could you do a vocaroo recording of it? It is blocked on my computer XD. If that is possible, at least. I would like to listen to it! I didn't really find any grammatical issues in here so...


Glows:
Oh wow! This was a beautiful song! I think my favorite part was this:


"do you really want me
here right now?
it seemed like you were scared
neither of us figured out
how to heal from our past scars
though we were million miles apart
i still feel like we’re two parts of the same picture"

it painted beautiful imagery and I liked the metaphors and similes in there, great use of them!



I hope this was helpful! Keep writing and have great day! I hope to hear more from you.


Sincerely,

hannah0528




User avatar
263 Reviews


Points: 17512
Reviews: 263

Donate
Mon May 03, 2021 5:17 pm
View Likes
LittleLee says...



Ahhh both the lyrics and the music are gorgeous!




soundofmind says...


Thank you so much Little! :)



User avatar
23 Reviews


Points: 1966
Reviews: 23

Donate
Wed Apr 28, 2021 9:07 pm
View Likes
blueca wrote a review...



Hello! I'm a lover of both music and poetry, so I'll touch a little on both the music and the lyrics ^^

The song in general feels very mysterious. The opening especially, with it's focus on what isn't known and how it's difficult to keep track of all that's happened. I love the gentle guitar and hummed chords. The second "and now i'm getting older" is gorgeously haunting and the way you let it linger really emphasises the bitterness of both the note and the thought.

Onto the B section! I find it really interesting how you changed to a major key. The lyrics feel darker here, with an emphasis on pain, fear, and memory, but the music became more hopeful. It's a really intriguing contrast.
In my opinion, the way you paced the lyrics at some points was a little odd, like with the longer rest in "neither of us figured out/how to heal from our past scars," since neither line contains a complete thought.

The transition back to the minor key was a lot more sudden than what I think fits the tone of the song. It felt like you were wandering throughout most of it, and while some of the sounds were unexpected, you arrived there naturally. The change back to minor felt like suddenly pivoting and deciding to march backwards a few steps before wandering again, if that made any sense.

All things considered, I loved listening to this. Your songwriting skills are seriously amazing. I hope my review can help future projects!
Keep writing (and singing)!




soundofmind says...


Thank you so much for your helpful and thoughtful review blueca! I'm glad you enjoyed it and I appreciate your input on the musicality of it as well as the lyrics. You totally made sense and the things you pointed out are solid



blueca says...


Awesome!



User avatar
1060 Reviews


Points: 139278
Reviews: 1060

Donate
Wed Apr 28, 2021 2:51 am
View Likes
alliyah says...



This is super pretty sound <3 and the melody / singing is really dream-like sounding too, which I think really matches the vibe of the lyrics! You always do such a beautiful job, glad you shared this!




soundofmind says...


Thank you so much Alliyah!!



User avatar
184 Reviews


Points: 5397
Reviews: 184

Donate
Wed Apr 28, 2021 2:07 am
View Likes
veeren says...



<333





Knowledge is power.
— Francis Bacon